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It's getting tough...

KasaiKasai Posts: 1 Just got here
in Health & Wellbeing
Hey there,

I'm really struggling right now with my head. I've struggled with my mental health since I was around 11-12, and now I'm 20. Basically it all started when my dad was diagnosed with cancer, both my grandfather's died within a year of each other and my parents split (which I blamed on myself). 

I have had therapy in the past, including CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) and would often have panic attacks in math class and go and talk with the school nurse. I then had a few good years then I had a new operation. I had to miss some school, and when I did go back a lot of my year group claimed I was faking it and spread rumours, with the result I only really had my boyfriend to talk to. I rushed myself back to school and kinda gave up with it. I didn't speak to anyone about my mental health a lot at that point and tried to deal with it myself.

I got into my dream university doing a course I love. However, it is over 500 miles from home and once again I tried to deal with my mental health myself. Now I'm on my placement and year 3 out of 4 of uni. My placement is about 700 miles from home. And I'm finding it hard. I've been here for about five months, and I'm dreading Christmas. I feel so lonely despite the fact I'm living with friends doing the same placement. I've reached out to YES Wycombe for counselling but they have a 4-5 month waiting list and I don't really want to go back to the doctors, as the last time I went I had one doctor believe me and try to organise in-patient help yet when I went back for a follow-up I had a different doctor who didn't believe me. 

I just don't know what to do anymore. One minute I think I'm fine and doing well. And the next it's feeling like the world is crashing down around me. I can't really leave placement as I need to pass for my course and I really love it. But at the same time, I know it probably would've been a good idea to take a placement I was offered that was back home. 

I just want someone to offer a different perspective and some advice...

Thanks, Kasai

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    BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    Hey, first of all well done for reaching out here.

    It's a tough one if you don't want to go back to the dr's, have you looked into other charitys for your mental health? sadly theres quite a long waiting list for any type of help, services are just so stretched. 

    have you thought about keeping a mood diary? it can help you notice if theres any triggers to your low moods and maybe stuff that helps on good days?

    you say your dad was diagnosed with cancer, do you have a macmillian nurse? they may be able to help point you to local support.

    you're doing really well managing all this and continuing with uni/placement … does your uni have someone you can talk to about this?

    Whatever you decide to do we'll always be here for you, let us know how you get on :) 
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,505 Skive's The Limit
    Heyy

    It is really hard to deal with your own MH on your own. So im really glad youre seeking support here & trying to find counselling like thats really good and hope thats doesnt sound patrongising but it can be hard! 

    Maybe here might become a good support system for you? It is for me. We all care about each other and sometimes you want to speak to someone who isnt your friend or family or even someone you know. 

    Def can have mixed experience when seeing your gp. Maybe you could ring up and ask for the one you liked better? A lot of people do that

    uni does sound stressful with it being far away from home - i was reading about a lot of people feeling lonely when theyre at uni or start uni - even if there are others around and maybe your friends feel the same. I hope gets easier soon. When i don’t know what to do i normally make pros and cons list of things and normally it written down like that can make things clearly on what you want. 
    And welcome to the site! Keep us updated if youd like to!
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Hey kasai,

    The perspective I got from that is that you are doing really well. Having been through so much and still having got so far in your course and doing something you love. Dont mean to sound cliche in saying that but at the very least I can say you've done much better than me. 

    You also seem to be identifying a lot of what is getting you down at the moment, and previously, which is another really good thing. Getting help at university does seem to be a real pain, fortunately all the doctors I saw were very helpful, but I guess I didn't give them much choice in a way. The issue I had was all the waiting times which really messed with me on plenty of occasions where I needed help. 

    Struggling with loneliness really does suck and I hope you do okay over Christmas. I'm also sorry about a lot of what happened to you which seemed to start off your struggles. It's good that you're seeking help here, everyone is very friendly and helpful. If nothing else, I've found that sharing here or helping others helps alleviate some of the discomfort that comes with that loneliness.
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    StephanieStephanie Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    edited December 2019
    Hey @Kasai

    Welcome to The Mix, :heart:

    Just wanted to pop on to check in and see how you are doing?

    It sounds like you've got a lot of stuff going on at the minute, I just want to say I completely echo what has already been said, and let you know that it's really positive that you've taken this step to reach out on here.

    It's really hard with doctors because sometimes different doctors may not always understand, sorry to hear your doctor didn't believe you, do you think it's worth maybe speaking to the receptionist cause some doctors may have a special interest in mental health, or if your doctor surgery has a website it may be on the website too. 

    Do take care, and remember we are always here. The Mix also offer other support could be worth having a look at if you get a chance :heart:
    Post edited by Stephanie on
                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" - Albus Dumbledore 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

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