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Vicious circles

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 146 Helping Hand
in Health & Wellbeing
I am just going to jump right in..my head is exploding honestly.
I have depression, PTSD and schizophrenia. It's just all getting a bit overwhelming and its hard to find anyone who understands or doesn't judge. My PTSD causes me to become depressed and when my depression gets bad I start getting voices telling me to do things and mocking me which then causes more depression and worsening of voices which turns into unpleasant sights and more flashbacks and I could just go on. Everything just spins in a circle. I am on medication but trying to find the right ones is a hard and long process, meanwhile I am struggling to even find the motivation to shower which sounds horrible but it's a task right now. 
I can talk to my consultant which can momentarily give me relief but 5 minutes and its all back again. People around me just underestimate how exhausting and real it all is and I feel so alone. I feel like screaming and staying silent at the same time, it's impossible to explain.
Sorry for the rant  :( 

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    I'm sorry for what your going through.. something that helps me with the voices is to listen to music through headphones, cause my voice's are external it helps block them out. Are your voices internal or external? Something I'm trying to work on is to challenge the voices, and something my therapist taught me was pretending the voices are someone I hate cause I have no problem telling the to fuck off  🤷😂 

    I know how exhausting it is fighting voices, just know you are never alone and we're always around to listen and give advice 😊 💕
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    They started off just internal a while ago but progressed to external too, hit from all angles. My meds have been increased but it takes a while to kick in and make me feel sick so it's just all a bit shitty really (understatement). I tend to listen to music really loud but they are just so hard to block out. I never thought of pretending it's someone I hate though, that might help. Thank you xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    edited August 2019
    I also experience tastes that I don't like that aren't really there with hallucinations of things crawling out of my skin to the point where I hurt myself. It's horrible 

    edited by moderator
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I'm so sorry to hear this, you must be really overwhelmed. Sending you hugs :heart:

    It does sound like everything spins in a circle :frown: Do you want to talk any more about how the depression and PTSD feels for you?

    It sounds like it would be really lonely and frustrating to have the people around you not understand. I hope we can at least make you feel a little less alone.

    There's no need to be sorry for the rant, it's good to get things out and I'm glad you're sharing :smile:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    @Kathryn Thank you  <3 I get a lot of flashbacks with the PTSD. Sometimes it's just one after another and i can't escape it, I normally end up falling asleep crying after hours. It gives me night terrors too though, it's like I cant even have a break from it when I'm asleep. With the added psychosis and hallucinations it's just exhausting and scary. The extreme depression just makes me the most unmotivated person, I isolate myself which then causes this vulnerable mind state and the voices start creeping in louder. Some days I just feel so depressed and emotionless that I can't see the point in taking my medication, which obviously makes things worse. 
    Thank you to everyone making me feel less alone I appreciate it  <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    That sounds horrible for you Mia :heart: I can really hear how much of a never-ending battle this must feel.

    Does your medication make much of a difference when you take it? You said earlier how finding the right ones is a long and hard process :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    I have changed medications about 5 times and they were increased again the other day. I don't really see a difference but it takes a while to all build up and when i miss doses it resets that building up process if that makes sense, so I don't get any benefit 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    That makes sense :smile: I hope you can get through this process soon and have the meds help you. Is there anything else you've thought of trying (such as therapy or lifestyle changes)?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    Thank you x
     I was seeing the crisis team everyday but obviously they are a crisis response team so they can't stay involved for long. I have been refered for therapy but there's a big list. I have been trying to plan my days a bit more so I have things to do and I'm not left to my own thoughts constantly but recently been lagging in that again so I should do it a bit more x 
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