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Life’s just too much
NatalieMT
Posts: 177 Helping Hand
I’ve become so consumed in my own thoughts, they’re locked up, trapped, concealed.
My thoughts define me, my past defines me. Sometimes I can find the mould, I know what it is that’s going to plaster over the broken pieces of me, but it’s so much easier giving up the fight.
People just break because they can’t stick back together again, time after time. I don’t have any answers about myself. Yet I know what I think about myself, other things defined that for me.
My map, my destination was created when I lived with/through that fear.
alls I want to do tonight is curl into a ball and gave someone safe hold me, whilst I let go. Like a child and for all those times that didn’t happen, all the times I couldn’t ask because I had to keep the secret.
I wish I’d have been loyal to myself because this hurts far greater than the physical pain, physical pain has healed I’m one big scar.
I will always be sorry for not being strong enough and for all the times I held the words, and was ready to talk to someone but didn’t, I ignored myself.
talking in third person covers / masks my own shame, there will always be me = broken, him = free and shame = my thoughts and I’m three parts, never a whole.
My thoughts define me, my past defines me. Sometimes I can find the mould, I know what it is that’s going to plaster over the broken pieces of me, but it’s so much easier giving up the fight.
People just break because they can’t stick back together again, time after time. I don’t have any answers about myself. Yet I know what I think about myself, other things defined that for me.
My map, my destination was created when I lived with/through that fear.
alls I want to do tonight is curl into a ball and gave someone safe hold me, whilst I let go. Like a child and for all those times that didn’t happen, all the times I couldn’t ask because I had to keep the secret.
I wish I’d have been loyal to myself because this hurts far greater than the physical pain, physical pain has healed I’m one big scar.
I will always be sorry for not being strong enough and for all the times I held the words, and was ready to talk to someone but didn’t, I ignored myself.
talking in third person covers / masks my own shame, there will always be me = broken, him = free and shame = my thoughts and I’m three parts, never a whole.
3
Comments
Sometimes when I'm trying to figure out how I'm feeling I also talk in third person, it's like a disconnect between me and my feelings.
When you say you wish you'd been loyal to yourself before, you can't change the past but you can change your future and you're being loyal to yourself now. You're talking now and you're not ignoring yourself.
Take it day by day, I'm here if you want to talk
E x
Sending lots of love your way, do message me if you need to chat x