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I struggle with life..... The sequel
BenSarsah
Posts: 7 Confirmed not a robot
Hey again
I don't know if this is going to be another ramble like the first discussion but I've been thinking about doing a bit of an update for a while. So here we go....
It's around the beginning of the summer holidays and schools have mostly broken up. I have been diagnosed with symptoms of depression by a therapist and am currently in the process of being referred to a face to face therapist.( Bit of a sidenote and I don't know how this will go do here but the word therapist is literally made up of the words 'the rapist which I find incredibly scary) anyway I'll get back to the update.
It's definitely not as bad as before. Its certainly not a constant feeling of downness which I thought it would be. Of course there are dark days and times in the day when im like 'why do I keep going on'. Also, since the last time, I've also had another cry session with my parents. I'd say that helped a lot as it help desk with some abandonment issues that I had. I'm very different to my parents and my siblings so I never thirdly felt that I belonged or I deserved them. There are three of us and I always tbought I was the accident child. Then my parents came out and said that they wanted 4 kids. So that was a big shocker😅 so that certainly provided me with a pick me up.
I think that I am slowly dealing with the idea of my friends leaving for university and me failing my first year of AS. I just have to accept that maybe some people aren't wired in a way that exams suit them. Or completing A-levels is the path that God or the universe or me subconsciously felt like I needed to do.
Anyway that's me for now. I'll probably put another update in a month or so. Feel free to comment what you feel like below. Also if you could, tell your friends to come.e comment here. See what they think of my situation. Much appreciated.
Thanks for reading 😅
I don't know if this is going to be another ramble like the first discussion but I've been thinking about doing a bit of an update for a while. So here we go....
It's around the beginning of the summer holidays and schools have mostly broken up. I have been diagnosed with symptoms of depression by a therapist and am currently in the process of being referred to a face to face therapist.( Bit of a sidenote and I don't know how this will go do here but the word therapist is literally made up of the words 'the rapist which I find incredibly scary) anyway I'll get back to the update.
It's definitely not as bad as before. Its certainly not a constant feeling of downness which I thought it would be. Of course there are dark days and times in the day when im like 'why do I keep going on'. Also, since the last time, I've also had another cry session with my parents. I'd say that helped a lot as it help desk with some abandonment issues that I had. I'm very different to my parents and my siblings so I never thirdly felt that I belonged or I deserved them. There are three of us and I always tbought I was the accident child. Then my parents came out and said that they wanted 4 kids. So that was a big shocker😅 so that certainly provided me with a pick me up.
I think that I am slowly dealing with the idea of my friends leaving for university and me failing my first year of AS. I just have to accept that maybe some people aren't wired in a way that exams suit them. Or completing A-levels is the path that God or the universe or me subconsciously felt like I needed to do.
Anyway that's me for now. I'll probably put another update in a month or so. Feel free to comment what you feel like below. Also if you could, tell your friends to come.e comment here. See what they think of my situation. Much appreciated.
Thanks for reading 😅
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Comments
It's really good to hear you say you're feeling a bit better at the moment - I read your last post and it sounds like you were tying to cope with a lot of things at once! I know from experience that that feeling of constant downness never lasts as long as you think it will (but it's hard to remind yourself of that at the time!) I think it's really good that you're talking to your parents, even if it does get emotional, and I'm glad you're feeling more positive about the A-Level thing. You're totally right, exams don't work for everyone. Please don't let that hold you back! My brother also dropped out of A-Levels and decided not to go to university. He ended up doing a Carpentry course and now he works all over the world, doing what he loves - and he's earning A LOT more than I am, even though I went to university. So he really did prove that academia isn't all it's cut out to be. Good luck! And try to stay positive, even when things get tough.
It sounds like you've been doing some good things to cope, like sharing things with your parents.
How does it make you feel to have the diagnosis? Is there relief? Or is it just the same for you?
A lot of people talk about the dark days, and it seems to be about getting through those and you seem to have things in a place to do that.
Its nice, that you had that chat with your parents, I think we all wonder at times what our parents think of us, so its nice to get that out in the open.
You are definitely right about exams, I failed all mine until they realised I was dyslexic and when they did I got to do them on a computer with extra time, I passed them all but I found it impossible before that! There are lots of ways to succeed if you work hard at what you do.
Thank you for sharing,
PuffinEthics
Tanks for your reply. Don't forget to share!
When I got the call telling me that I had symptoms of depression, There was a little bit of shock. I've always had this feeling of lonliness that I couldn't explain, even when I was around people. These feelings obviously cam up recently which you can read in my first post. I guess that there was relief but not so much that it calmed me down. More it was just confirmation about what I had been thinking for a while. Before applying to getting a therapist, I did think I was depressed definetly to an extent. I knew that there was no way that what I had been feeling for the past month was 'normal' I guess? But I knew that something was wrong for sure.
Dark days and daark moment are the hardest part of any depression. I'm not claiming to be a professional at solving or getting through these by any means. But there are certain things that I do to get through them. Sometimes I would distract myself with other tasks, something to keep my mind off thinking like that for a while. Anthoer thing I've been using recenty is a bit of a mantra I have. It's the idea of if something won't make me happy, I won't do it. Of course, there are things that you have to do which are a part of everyday life. But when it comes to things where it's just me doing them,, i can help a lot. For example, if I wake up one day and I'm not feeling to great, I'll change even something small to make me feel better. Like switching out breakfast from a bowl of cereal to waffles or pancakes. Maybe taking a longer shower so that I don't feel like I'm against time or adding something completely new to my day which could go either way. There's no harm in trying these small things which could have a bigger impact than most people expect.
Those sound like some really positive ways to help yourself out, I'm sure a lot of people on here would find your experience and your methods helpful.
Small things really do mount up, so small steps are great.
Good on you, keep on keeping on, and remember we're here at the mix whenever you need to talk
How are you feeling this week?