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Friend jealousy

peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
Hey everyone :) I hope the new year has been doing well for you all so far!

I wanted to start a new topic on something I don't think I've heard much about: jealousy with regards to friendships in particular. Apologies if this isn't written so clearly (I'm quite tired haha), however, I think that, from personal experience and talking to my own friends about how I feel, that this is actually quite common!

For me, I get really apprehensive about meeting new people with my friends, or my different friendship groups meeting each other (like my friends in school meeting my friends outside of school). In short, it's something along the lines of me fearing that my friends will become closer friends with someone else, and I will be forgotten. I've thought about this a lot, especially since starting the new school year with a lot of new people coming and old people going, and I have talked to these friends about these feelings, and I feel like my anxieties mostly stem from my own insecurities (which, in turn, have stemmed from a range of other things). I have found that talking to my friends about this has not only strengthened our trust and relationship even more, but has also helped me feel less worried about being left behind. It's also quite comforting to be reminded that you're not alone in these worries, isn't it?

So I was wondering, what are all of your thoughts and, if you'd want to talk about it, your own experiences with this?

I'm interested in hearing back!

-peachysoo

Comments

  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 971 Part of The Mix Family
    This is a really good topic! I think it's natural to get nervous about meeting friends' friends, because 1. there's a pressure that you should get on and 2. a lot of the time it seems like it's a competition to who closest & knows each other best! I find the best way to deal with this is to remember that I have my different groups of friends, others have theirs and friendships are special things that don't have to be compared to each other. When I've felt left out or a bit lonely in the past, and told friends, 9/10 times they totally empathise - honesty is the best policy, I agree with you!
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • tashtastictashtastic Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    I've definitely felt like this before! I think sometimes I'm so nervous of what my friends will think of each other, will they disapprove or like you said, end up getting on so well with each I'm left behind :( Like @Lucy307 said, communication really does help and you do normally find that they think exactly the same thing :)
  • EstherEsther Moderator Posts: 31
    Hey, everyone this is a really good topic, I think that sometimes meeting new people can be nerve wrecking especially in terms meeting friends of friends it is the common idea that when meeting new people you instantly get on. Often it seems like friend may compete with one other as a territory thing to protect someone close to them so they are not forgotten about. I find it useful to always note to myself I have different friendship groups are different friends for different things what ever that may be , however most if not all are supportive of my decisions. I thought it would be interesting to also discuss jealousy but coming from the people closest to you. Often you hear in the news stories to do with incidents concerning friends ; when investigating the story further it has all been linked to jealousy. For instance has anyone seen My acid attack story by Naomi Oni ?.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Feeling left out of a circle of friends can make one feel jealous or pushed aside. This is normal. We all want to be included and be part of the group.
    Some friends can be really bitchy and gossip and this can bring up our feelings of isolation. It is always the best option to express what you feel to the people who have made you feel upset and mostly if they are worth having as friends, then they will be understanding and talk to you about your feelings. It is a brave step to do this but well worth it, You are also standing up for your feelings and looking after your wellbeing.
    A great topic to talk about more
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Literally just got here
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Lucy307 wrote: »
    This is a really good topic! I think it's natural to get nervous about meeting friends' friends, because 1. there's a pressure that you should get on and 2. a lot of the time it seems like it's a competition to who closest & knows each other best! I find the best way to deal with this is to remember that I have my different groups of friends, others have theirs and friendships are special things that don't have to be compared to each other. When I've felt left out or a bit lonely in the past, and told friends, 9/10 times they totally empathise - honesty is the best policy, I agree with you!


    Thanks Lucy! I completely understand and agree with what you are saying :heart:
    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    tashtastic wrote: »
    I've definitely felt like this before! I think sometimes I'm so nervous of what my friends will think of each other, will they disapprove or like you said, end up getting on so well with each I'm left behind :( Like @Lucy307 said, communication really does help and you do normally find that they think exactly the same thing :)


    Hi! This might sound weird, but it's quite humbling hearing how common this feeling is, I think! It can get particularly lonely when you forget this and feel like the problem is unique to yourself :(

    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Esther wrote: »
    Hey, everyone this is a really good topic, I think that sometimes meeting new people can be nerve wrecking especially in terms meeting friends of friends it is the common idea that when meeting new people you instantly get on. Often it seems like friend may compete with one other as a territory thing to protect someone close to them so they are not forgotten about. I find it useful to always note to myself I have different friendship groups are different friends for different things what ever that may be , however most if not all are supportive of my decisions. I thought it would be interesting to also discuss jealousy but coming from the people closest to you. Often you hear in the news stories to do with incidents concerning friends ; when investigating the story further it has all been linked to jealousy. For instance has anyone seen My acid attack story by Naomi Oni ?.


    Hi Esther,
    Thank you! :) I completely relate to the territory thing, it feels quite silly sometimes, for me, but it's also just so natural and innate, I think. It's really nice to hear how supportive everyone's friends are of these feelings we have! I've not actually heard about the acid attack story, but it is definitely something I will check out soon!
    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Haze wrote: »
    Feeling left out of a circle of friends can make one feel jealous or pushed aside. This is normal. We all want to be included and be part of the group.
    Some friends can be really bitchy and gossip and this can bring up our feelings of isolation. It is always the best option to express what you feel to the people who have made you feel upset and mostly if they are worth having as friends, then they will be understanding and talk to you about your feelings. It is a brave step to do this but well worth it, You are also standing up for your feelings and looking after your wellbeing.
    A great topic to talk about more


    Thank you Haze! Thank you for putting the normality of this feeling into words; it can be quite easy to forget this, and feel a bit unhappy with how we feel, I think :( I think the advice you've given is really important and helpful - thanks!! :heart:
    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Meggles wrote: »
    Hello!

    I feel like this often, i have a wide range if friendship groups and i get nervous when i go to meet someone from another group and meet someone from a different group. But its totally normal! There is always that fear that my friendship circles with become close and i'll kinda get pushed to one side. Its normal to want to feel included.
    I think its important to raise this with friends if you start feel isolated from them, for example try to invite them to coffee dates, or a walk and maybe raise the topic of how you feel you are seeing them less etc. this is a calm approach to take. Its sometimes heard when your friends meet and you kinda get pushed to one side, but its important to speak up for your sake and your friendships sake.

    Meggles


    Hey Meggles!

    Thank you also for putting the normality of this sensation into words!! I truly feel like it isn't mentioned enough.

    I fully agree with your advice and second it fully; it's so important to take your own feelings into account!

    -peachysoo
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi peachysoo
    I am so glad that my post helped you. I really :heart:Appreciate your feedback. It feels so good to help when someone is struggling in any way.
    Haze;)
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