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Struggling to cope with life *potential trigger topic*
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,
I haven't posted on the boards in a very very long time but have reached a point where I really need some help and support.
Long story short I got discharged a week ago from my first ever stay in hospital for my mental health after an almost fatal overdose. I can't help but wish it had worked and my self harming has become out of control. I got a lecture/reality check from the consultant.
I am under the local community team and have an amazing care coordinator just wish I could see her more often. I see her once a week and I hold onto that appointment and literally count down the days until I can see her just for the hour. She says I can call her whenever but I am not very good on the phone and then just end up having an awkward silence and its really tough. I feel that I am beyond help and nothing anyone can do will make this go away.
To top things off the DVLA took away my driving license and I have to go through an occupational health assessment to carry on my university course. This is the only thing I have positive in my life and without it I will have nothing. Before my family were enough to keep me alive as I didn't want to cause them any further pain but now I feel they would be better off without me and that I am a burden to them so it will be better off in their best interest if I wasn't here at all.
I feel trapped in this huge horrible cycle. My physical health isn't brilliant and when my MH gets worse it triggers my physical health and then my body goes into a flare. I have an incurable autoimmune condition that is only going to get worse.
I am sorry for the deep and negative post but I genuinely don't know what to do anymore
I haven't posted on the boards in a very very long time but have reached a point where I really need some help and support.
Long story short I got discharged a week ago from my first ever stay in hospital for my mental health after an almost fatal overdose. I can't help but wish it had worked and my self harming has become out of control. I got a lecture/reality check from the consultant.
I am under the local community team and have an amazing care coordinator just wish I could see her more often. I see her once a week and I hold onto that appointment and literally count down the days until I can see her just for the hour. She says I can call her whenever but I am not very good on the phone and then just end up having an awkward silence and its really tough. I feel that I am beyond help and nothing anyone can do will make this go away.
To top things off the DVLA took away my driving license and I have to go through an occupational health assessment to carry on my university course. This is the only thing I have positive in my life and without it I will have nothing. Before my family were enough to keep me alive as I didn't want to cause them any further pain but now I feel they would be better off without me and that I am a burden to them so it will be better off in their best interest if I wasn't here at all.
I feel trapped in this huge horrible cycle. My physical health isn't brilliant and when my MH gets worse it triggers my physical health and then my body goes into a flare. I have an incurable autoimmune condition that is only going to get worse.
I am sorry for the deep and negative post but I genuinely don't know what to do anymore
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Comments
I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. Sending massive hugs. Thank you for coming back to talk here, it's really brave to share what you're going through.
I know it might feel like one bad thing after another and that is really, really, really annoying about your driving licence and uni, but you are not beyond help, we all care about you here and there are plenty more support options to try we just need to find the right one for you.
I'm really glad you've got such a good care coordinator but it sounds like it might help to find a way of distracting/coping between appointments with her, I know you said you're not comfortable on the phone, what would you think of email or text? You can email Samaritans 24/7 to talk through anything on jo@samaritans.org - http://www.samaritans.org/, or Papyrus can also be emailed on pat@papyrus-uk.org or text at 07786 209697 - https://papyrus-uk.org/. Do you think you might try either?
Let us know if you need anything, always here to talk. *hug*
- Lucy :rainbow:
Thank you for your reply. I have had a look at Samaritans and Papyrus and think I will try and contact them tonight as feel myself struggling.
Let me know how you get on, I’m sorry to hear you are struggling but glad you feel you could reach out tonight! Rooting for you.
- Lucy
I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling, and sending you a big hug first of all*hug*. So glad you reached out on here after such a long time, and do not ever feel sorry for posting your story.
It is positive that you have an amazing care coordinator, and that she is open for you to talk outside of the weekly meeting. As you say that it is difficult to talk over the phone, could you ask whether you can send her an email for her to reply to instead?
There are real simple ways to look after yourself each day that may give you some light. We have some tips here: http://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/a-guide-to-self-care-15574.html. They may seem small, but can help break the cycle a bit.
Re: your occupational health assessment and your course, you could possibly reach out to one of your university counsellors to see if they can support you in your case. Is this a possibility?
You are definitely not a burden, and the world is better with you in it. We are all here rooting for you and that you pull through this trying time. You will get better, and there are many ways in for support, healing and breaking the huge cycle of your physical and mental health. Is there anyone you trust / close to in your family or friends that you can talk to at all? Please keep us updated on how you get on (day-to-day if needed).
If you ever feel overwhelmed, please contact Samaritans (116 123) as mentioned, or visit your local A&E.
Take care @Lauren92
Nikki xo