Home Health and Wellbeing
Exciting news! Join our watch club and get free access to NOW for 1 month

Let myself down massively :(

Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
Hi

I self harmed. I feel so ashamed and feel like a let down. Why can’t I resist? Why do I have to do it and cause myself more problems. I’m done. Im sorry

Comments

  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Sunny ScotlandPosts: 3,589 Community Veteran
    Big hugs! First of all youre not a let down! My cpn told me a different way to look at self harm, like if i didn't do it would the outcome be better or worse, most often it would of been worse. Do you have a good support network with someone you can talk to about it? This is just a relapse, it doesnt mean anything. The most important thing is to make sure you look after your selfharm, then pick yourself back up again and carry on fighting.. :heart:
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    I feel so bad though, lonely, I want to die :( I don’t have anyone to talk to and I’m done with all this @BubblesGoesBoo
  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Sunny ScotlandPosts: 3,589 Community Veteran
    We're always here for you! you can PM me ANYTIME, please dont feel like you're battling this on your own, we're here to help you through it :heart:
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • RachelRachel Fast Newbie Posts: 27 Boards Initiate
    Hi @Butterfly23

    I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a rough time at the moment but never be ashamed for self-harming, it's nothing to feel ashamed about and you're not alone in feeling that this is the only way you can deal with what you're feeling.

    I completely understand if you don't feel as though you have anyone around you right now such as family or friends to talk to but if there is ever the chance of you having a friend to open up to about this then I would definitely recommend this as I once felt as though this was impossible to do and would only make things worse, but I've never been closer with a friend than I was after telling him and he has been unbelievably supportive since, without coddling me or completely changing how he treated me.

    If you don't then please don't feel as though you have to deal with this alone. You are really brave for reaching out on here and I'm always happy to talk, or just listen, if you ever want to message me. I would definitely recommend thinking about talking to a doctor or perhaps if you're in school then a counsellor or other staff member? It's definitely not easy and my school's guidance team were nothing special so I reached out to a teacher I trusted who again, really surprised me and has been really supportive.

    I definitely think that reaching out to your GP would be beneficial though as they can refer you to get help with how you are feeling and hopefully find a better outlet for your emotions. You are definitely entitled to the opportunity to feel better and I hope that the coming months are easier for you! Always here if you need me!

    Rachel xx
  • AifeAife LondonPosts: 2,207 Moderator
    Hey @Butterfly23

    I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. Bubbles and Rachel have shared some really nice advice here, it's okay to have a relapse and it's nothing to be ashamed of. You're doing really well to reach out here for support, it's not always easy to talk about what's going on so really well done. How are you feeling today? Is there anything that happened yesterday that might have led you to self-harm? Hope you're okay :)

    I wonder if you've heard of TESS? They are a text and email support service that you can reach out to for support around self harm. They are open Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday 7pm – 9.30pm and you can text them on 07800 472908 or email them here. How would you feel reaching out for support from somewhere like this?

    There's also a really good article on The Mix website that you might like to read through. It's about having a self-harm relapse. Here's a bit of info from the article:
    How do I recover after a self-harm relapse

    Think about the things that helped you stop or control your self-harm before. These strategies have already worked for you and may work again. You may have found particular distraction techniques useful so you could try them again or try different ones.

    Remember: you’re not the only one who has gone back to self-harming after stopping, so don’t see this as a step back, see it as a temporary coping mechanism you used to get you through a tough time.

    Only when you’re ready to stop, and when you feel able to cope with what life is throwing at you, can you start getting back on track. Looking after yourself generally is important – eating well, getting enough sleep and exercise can all play a useful part in this. A good way to de-stress, Lisa suggests, is to: “Get outside, take in some fresh air and exercise, even if it’s just a brisk walk. Any exercise gets the feel-good hormones, endorphins, pumping round your body and makes you feel happier and more positive.”

    We're all here for you anytime you want to talk. Keep posting here whenever you like :)

    - Aife
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @Rachel I really don’t want to go to my GP at all and my college is crap for stuff like this
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @Aife

    Today I’m feeling a lot worse and I did something this morning... I just felt so low and wanted to end it all. I have heard of TESS and I have talked to them once before.
  • RachelRachel Fast Newbie Posts: 27 Boards Initiate
    I'm sorry to hear that your school isn't great with this but do you mind me asking why you don't want to talk to your GP? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

    In my experience I didn't intend on speaking to mine, but I mistook panic attacks for possible asthma attacks, so I went and had no choice in the matter. However, I did actually choose to go back to ask for more help when my panic attacks continued and have been referred for therapy and I'm honestly so happy. Although it makes me nervous etc. I know that I'm giving myself the chance to make things better, and you deserve that too!

    I do understand though, and although I don't really know about TESS, perhaps it would be worth trying again? I hope you're doing okay this afternoon.

    Rachel xx
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    I didn’t like TESS at all really and cause I just don’t want help of them, GPS are useless and I can’t let my parents know. I’m doing crap thisafternoon as usual :(@Rachel
  • RachelRachel Fast Newbie Posts: 27 Boards Initiate
    I'm sorry to hear this, and although GP's aren't always great, I was referred to CAMHS and if you were too, or another service like this, it would be someone other than your GP who you would be talking to. Also, not all GPs are completely useless, though I'm sorry if you haven't had the best experience with them. I understand if you don't want your parents to know, and although I have a wonderful family, I haven't felt as though talking to my parents has been easy at all. However, they have surprised me in some ways, and it's felt better with them knowing.

    Perhaps you could look for another sort of group or support service within your area? Of course there's also the forums here. Perhaps even the one-to-one chats if things are going really bad? I hope that you are feeling a little better by this evening Butterfly, and we're all here if you need us!
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    I can’t get on with my parents at all and I haven’t been to my GP but I just don’t see the point and if I was referred to CAHMS I would have to lie and stuff to then mmm and I can’t be bothered with that and I have looked into support things in my area and there isn’t any close or you need a referral so. @Rachel
  • RachelRachel Fast Newbie Posts: 27 Boards Initiate
    It's a shame that you haven't had much success with this so far but don't give up hope just yet! Hopefully these forums and all the amazingly kind and supportive people on here will help you out, but if things get too much it might not make things worse by going to your GP. Telling the truth and having your parents understand what's going on with you might allow you to move forward with things and may improve things, not only with your mental health, but with your relationship with your parents too. Ultimately we all argue with our parents, and for some this situation is more difficult than others, but a parent can never resist the natural instinct of wanting the best for their child, and I'm sure that your parents are the same, even if that isn't always clear. So perhaps they would help. I understand if you don't want to talk to anyone such as your GP right now, but remember that it's always an option and nothing that bad will come out of it, it could in fact be hugely positive.

    I hope things improve for you soon,

    Rachel xx
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Bad would come out of it though. Iv been feeling like this for 4 years and haven’t told them and I don’t plan on it either @Rachel
  • RachelRachel Fast Newbie Posts: 27 Boards Initiate
    I'm sorry that you feel that way, but do your best to stay open minded about your options, and I hope things get better for you soon. We're all here if you need us and I'm sorry I couldn't be more help.
  • Hi @Butterfly23,

    How are you doing today? It sounds like you're going through a lot. I know you've said you're not thrilled about talking to your GP - sometimes that can feel really overwhelming. You might find our article on approaching your GP about self-harm helpful: http://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/self-harm/going-to-your-gp-about-self-harm-5688.html. Do you have a friend or someone you trust that could go with you? That can be helpful for support and also to have someone there to ask questions if you're a bit nervous. As @Rachel said, it's good to keep an open mind about your options. It's great that you're reaching out here for support too!

    I hope you can find support that works best for you. Keep us updated.

    Sarah

  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 884 Part of The Mix Family
    Hi @Butterfly23, please don't feel that you've let yourself down - you are human, this happens, and we are all here for you here. If you feel lonely again, please carry on talking to us here. Big hugs *hug*

    - Lucy :rainbow:
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
Sign In or Register to comment.