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Friendship Issues

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello everyone!
This is my first post and I will be talking about my social isolation since developing anorexia- this is an open discussion so feel free to talk about any and all social issues you may have had!

I’ve never exactly been smooth on the friendship front, as I got older it became harder to make friends and keep them as well. Most of the time I’m shy and not very boisterous which makes it harder to connect with people in my age group,pre-teen.
To be completely honest I suppose I’ve always been a bit of an introvert. Meeting new people or even people that I know gives me crazy butterflies and whenever I can’t see them or cancel on them - which is a lot- I feel like I’ve let them down and it makes it even harder to see them again.

Due to my eating disorder I’ve missed weeks of school at a time. I’ve met some new people that are really cool but it’s realy hard building the friendship when you hardly see them.

Half the time I actually prefer being alone, then I look at my old classmates Instagrams and I see them all going out shopping and having fun sleepovers with their ‘BFFs’ and I realise how much I want to be a normal kid. A lot of me believes I never wil. I’m drifting away from the few friends I had because I can’t contact them, i ignore their occasional ft calls, duck out at their arrangements and leave texts unanswered. However they don’t do the above very often.

At times I feel content and others so alone.
Anyone else feel the same?

Thanks for listening!

Comments

  • PositiveAuraPositiveAura Posts: 150 Helping Hand
    Hey there @Elipem :)

    First of all I want to say thanks for sharing your story and being so open about what you are going through. The age you are at can be such an up and down time but know that you are definitely not alone in how you are feeling.

    I know that it is difficult to talk about having an eating disorder so it shows how strong you are to come on here and openly talk about it. I hope that you are working through this. If you ever need some information or further help, Beat have online support and self-help groups - 0808 801 0677 or, if you're under 18, their Youthline on 0808 801 0711.

    I can completely understand how this has effected you socially and I have been in all kinds of situations with food. But the main thing here is looking after yourself first.

    There are also so many introverts out there who get anxious with social situations and I for one prefer a cuppa at home than going out sometimes. We are all different who are comfortable with different situations and this is ok, who doesn't love some quiet time?

    As you grow older you will meet other people that like things just like you do. So try not to feel any pressure to do anything you don't want to. Also, social media depicts things in a very glossy way. So, a lot of the time you never know what is going on behind the pictures. I know it is hard to see sometimes but things are never what they seem and we only ever see a staged, filtered version of things.

    There are some little things that we can do to ease that anxiety though. Starting with smaller situations like meeting with one friend can help. Doing things like activities can ease the pressure too because you have something fun to do and focus on rather that having the pressure of holding conversation the whole time. :)

    When I was younger things like the cinema, bowling and things like that helped. But at times, having a friend over to your own home can be better because it is chilled and somewhere you can be comfortable. :)

    Have you got any hobbies that you could get involved in? That's a good way to meet people too. And you will have something in common immediately so conversation and connection is easier. :)

    I hope some of this helps.

    -PositiveAura
  • Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hi @Elipem from a fellow introvert :wave:

    Welcome to the boards, thank you for sharing your situation in your first post! Firstly, it sounds like you are accepting of your eating disorder and are possibly working through it - would you say that?

    Completely understand the whole ignoring texts/FT calls/all types of human interaction sometimes, I do the same thing. It's totally normal to feel alright but also feel a bit lonely too. I find that a few close friends are, for me, enough, as it wears me out trying to keep up with lots of people. I try to focus on quality instead of quantity and that also helps with the lonely feelings. I completely agree with @PositiveAura here:
    There are some little things that we can do to ease that anxiety though. Starting with smaller situations like meeting with one friend can help. Doing things like activities can ease the pressure too because you have something fun to do and focus on rather that having the pressure of holding conversation the whole time. :)

    I was literally about to suggest you tried going to the cinema (one of my favourites, time together but you don't need to talk much) or having them round yours to chill and watch TV/look up silly YouTube videos. You may have to make an effort at the start to organise this, but having a plan might make seeing friends less daunting and more exciting. Hope this helps a little! What do you think?

    - Lucy :rainbow:
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you guys!
    I’ll give the cinema a shot!
    And I do have a bit of a hard time looking at spending time with my peers ‘fun’ so I’ll try and change my perspective. :)
  • emilyjohnemilyjohn Posts: 23 Boards Initiate
    Your post is very useful about the friendship issues, thanks for sharing such a nice information keep sharing.
  • PositiveAuraPositiveAura Posts: 150 Helping Hand
    That sounds very positive @Elipem :)

    I'm glad that we've been able to shed some light on things and that talking about it has seemed to help.

    It can be hard to remember that going out with friends should be fun and enjoyable...but doing these activities can help. You could even try suggesting doing something that you love doing, then you'll know you're going to enjoy it and have a good time! :)

    -PositiveAura
  • Dusky94Dusky94 Posts: 22 Boards Initiate
    Heya @Elipem

    Everyone else has made super good points, so I will keep mine brief!

    I just wanted to draw your attention to the plethora of anorexia help-groups/ support groups/ chat-sites there are out there if you do a quick search online. There are often local groups you can meet up with too (for example a student group perhaps). As well as being a great place to seek support for your condition, it can also be a great place to socialise and talk to people who are going through the same thing as you. From personal experience of dealing with mental health issues, I know that one hard thing for me was trying to socialise normally with people who I felt I couldn't quite open-up to, or who weren't experiencing life/ social situations quite like I was. Sometimes online chatting sites (like this one), can be a massive initial help with building confidence to be socially available again. This really helped me initially , and I was able to build the confidence to face the real world again :)

    Good luck chica :rainbow2:
  • MirabelleMirabelle Posts: 1,020 Wise Owl
    Hi @Elipem

    You had courage sharing your feelings explaining how difficult life has been for you. In many ways I can relate, for not having any friends near where I live in England.

    When we don't get involved with other people's lives, they will assume that we want to be left alone, and so will leave us alone believing that is what we want. You, in turn, get upset because you think that people don't like you. I had the same mindset, but when I began responding, those people in my town reached out to me.

    The experience was incredible! So we must be willing to at least try being friends. Sometimes I walk around town though feeling shy, I smile a little. Strangers catch my eye and smile back. That makes me feel good.

    Your newly made friendships begin adding depth to your experiences. In turn, this gives meaning to your actions, and so wonderfully provides hope for tomorrow.

    You sound good, and I sincerely wish you well. :)

    Belle
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