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Im no good

Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
in Health & Wellbeing
I am sorry for upsetting people in chat this evening. My mind is a rush of thoughts at the moment, i feel like im slowly drowning in the hurt, upset and pain of these suicidal thoughts. I try to act strong and from the outside i appear to others like that but inside i am really struggling and slowly shutting down, day by day. I dont enjoy anything at all anymore. I am coping and not living and nor do i want to live - i need to talk but when im upset it turns into anger and i end up upsetting people like i did in chat this evening.
''You were in the wilderness
Looking for your own purpose
Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
I knew you always would''

- James Arthur (YOU)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If I'm honest Jess, I could tell that the anger was a ploy. You seem like the type of person to push those away that really just want to help and listen to you.
    When you feel like you're drowning don't ignore the hands that are there to pull you out.
    If you ever, at all want to chat to me I'll always be an ear to listen and that includes if you just want to shout at me or call me names if that's what gets you through it. But know that I care about you, and I want to make sure that you're alright.
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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey Jessica,

    It sounds like things felt pretty intense for you last night and sorry to hear that you're having suicidal thoughts. I gather things are super tough for you right now, and from what you said, you're just about coping, but finding it harder and harder to do. Is that right?

    Anger is a powerful emotion, and it can be really tough when it takes over because it sometimes makes us act against what we know to be best for ourselves (or others). Have you come across our article about dealing with anger? It lists some practical steps you can take generally and in the moment to try and manage it.

    I've noticed you haven't posted much on the boards about what's going on for you these days. Would you like to talk about things a bit? :)

    James
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    Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    James wrote: »
    Hey Jessica,

    It sounds like things felt pretty intense for you last night and sorry to hear that you're having suicidal thoughts. I gather things are super tough for you right now, and from what you said, you're just about coping, but finding it harder and harder to do. Is that right?

    Anger is a powerful emotion, and it can be really tough when it takes over because it sometimes makes us act against what we know to be best for ourselves (or others). Have you come across our article about dealing with anger? It lists some practical steps you can take generally and in the moment to try and manage it.

    I've noticed you haven't posted much on the boards about what's going on for you these days. Would you like to talk about things a bit? :)

    James


    Hi James,

    i am honestly finding it harder and harder to cope - the thoughts consuming me but putting on a front to pretend that everything is okay. My mum's job is very unstable at the moment so she could potentially lose it in the near future and we can't survive on just my dad's income as my mums income is the main one. And i normally see my counsellor every week but he's got a week off this week so i dont see him again till Tuesday and i am finding that really really tough. As well as thoughts about gender indentity making there way back into my life as well as all this general election stuff on the news which is driving me mad and the fear after the latest terrorist attacks. - i seriously feel like i am honestly lost and whatever support i get won't help and im stupidly training to become a counsellor and i can't even look after myself so yeah, James, tell me that is stupid because i know it is.

    Sorry for messing up chat last night - i was in a shit mood and you know those people that you just don't get on with, well...Jane is one of them.
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,496 Skive's The Limit
    It's not actually stupid - to train to be a counsellor. Its a nice goal and many counsellor have had hard times and mental health professionals. So can understand emotional pain and really empathise with them. Helping yourself by going to counselling - is the process to helping others
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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