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Im no good

Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
I am sorry for upsetting people in chat this evening. My mind is a rush of thoughts at the moment, i feel like im slowly drowning in the hurt, upset and pain of these suicidal thoughts. I try to act strong and from the outside i appear to others like that but inside i am really struggling and slowly shutting down, day by day. I dont enjoy anything at all anymore. I am coping and not living and nor do i want to live - i need to talk but when im upset it turns into anger and i end up upsetting people like i did in chat this evening.
''Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out. Honestly, i wanna see you be brave''. 
-Sara Bareilles

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If I'm honest Jess, I could tell that the anger was a ploy. You seem like the type of person to push those away that really just want to help and listen to you.
    When you feel like you're drowning don't ignore the hands that are there to pull you out.
    If you ever, at all want to chat to me I'll always be an ear to listen and that includes if you just want to shout at me or call me names if that's what gets you through it. But know that I care about you, and I want to make sure that you're alright.
  • JamesJames Posts: 1,706 Community Manager
    Hey Jessica,

    It sounds like things felt pretty intense for you last night and sorry to hear that you're having suicidal thoughts. I gather things are super tough for you right now, and from what you said, you're just about coping, but finding it harder and harder to do. Is that right?

    Anger is a powerful emotion, and it can be really tough when it takes over because it sometimes makes us act against what we know to be best for ourselves (or others). Have you come across our article about dealing with anger? It lists some practical steps you can take generally and in the moment to try and manage it.

    I've noticed you haven't posted much on the boards about what's going on for you these days. Would you like to talk about things a bit? :)

    James
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    James wrote: »
    Hey Jessica,

    It sounds like things felt pretty intense for you last night and sorry to hear that you're having suicidal thoughts. I gather things are super tough for you right now, and from what you said, you're just about coping, but finding it harder and harder to do. Is that right?

    Anger is a powerful emotion, and it can be really tough when it takes over because it sometimes makes us act against what we know to be best for ourselves (or others). Have you come across our article about dealing with anger? It lists some practical steps you can take generally and in the moment to try and manage it.

    I've noticed you haven't posted much on the boards about what's going on for you these days. Would you like to talk about things a bit? :)

    James


    Hi James,

    i am honestly finding it harder and harder to cope - the thoughts consuming me but putting on a front to pretend that everything is okay. My mum's job is very unstable at the moment so she could potentially lose it in the near future and we can't survive on just my dad's income as my mums income is the main one. And i normally see my counsellor every week but he's got a week off this week so i dont see him again till Tuesday and i am finding that really really tough. As well as thoughts about gender indentity making there way back into my life as well as all this general election stuff on the news which is driving me mad and the fear after the latest terrorist attacks. - i seriously feel like i am honestly lost and whatever support i get won't help and im stupidly training to become a counsellor and i can't even look after myself so yeah, James, tell me that is stupid because i know it is.

    Sorry for messing up chat last night - i was in a shit mood and you know those people that you just don't get on with, well...Jane is one of them.
    ''Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out. Honestly, i wanna see you be brave''. 
    -Sara Bareilles
  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 12,451 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    It's not actually stupid - to train to be a counsellor. Its a nice goal and many counsellor have had hard times and mental health professionals. So can understand emotional pain and really empathise with them. Helping yourself by going to counselling - is the process to helping others
    Hi
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