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It's been a while- update
apandav
Posts: 2,072 Boards Champion
Hi,
It's Amanda (apandav) - I haven't been on themix for a while, at least a good few months at least.
I just kinda gradually came off going on her often, but still am struggling with my mental health a lot. Lots of stuff is happened and don't really know where to start or what to say....
Actually I am having another EUPD/BPD blip right now, I have an exam tomorrow and like I am so tierd as barley slept, something happened to trigger me off and start what I call another "bad episode". It's lead me to hear, as I don't feel able to do much, am just lying about and I guess just wanted to be open somewhere.
Hope everyone else is doing well, and I guess well...... "hi again!"
It's Amanda (apandav) - I haven't been on themix for a while, at least a good few months at least.
I just kinda gradually came off going on her often, but still am struggling with my mental health a lot. Lots of stuff is happened and don't really know where to start or what to say....
Actually I am having another EUPD/BPD blip right now, I have an exam tomorrow and like I am so tierd as barley slept, something happened to trigger me off and start what I call another "bad episode". It's lead me to hear, as I don't feel able to do much, am just lying about and I guess just wanted to be open somewhere.
Hope everyone else is doing well, and I guess well...... "hi again!"
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Comments
Sorry to hear that things aren't so great right now
Would you like to talk more about what's going on? Does anyone from your uni/college/school know about your mental health? Our uni has something called 'fit to sit' so if you're not physically or mentally fit enough to sit an exam, you can apply for extenuating circumstances in order to be able to do the exam at a kater date. Would this be possible at all?
*hug**hug*
Hiccup
It sucks to hear things are rough at the moment, though.
How are things with you more generally?
*hug*
Hiccup- yes my uni are aware, I am registered with the disability service and I have various adjustments and extra support at uni, due to my mental health problems. They help a lot as I have room to my own, extra time in exam to allow for a break and I have a mentor I see weekly from disability service. As helpful as they are it doesn't mean I don't have blips and as I have bpd/eupd means I have lots of crises frequently, and quite extreme mood swings often.
My uni have a similar sort of thing, yeah if you have a doctors note you can miss exams. But also they have a procedure called "personal circumstances"- the good thing about it is if you sit your exam whilst having stuff that probably will affect it, if you do the exam and actually pass they let you keep your mark. However if you fail you can resit it- unlike other students who don't have personal circumstances, you do the resit at same time as you but it is counted as "a first attempt", this is good as at my uni with "second attempts"- no matter how good you do in resit, maximum grade you can get is 40% so whether you get 100% in the second attempt or 40% it all counts as 40% (the baseline pass)- obviously if you get less you fail and get that mark. Also a lot of my classes it's either 20 or 30% of your class is assessed in a way other than final exam so for some of my classes it was a homework assessment (so you do the questions at home in own time and submit as assignment) or a lab report or essay or presentation or class test- for each of my classes over the year I've done a mixture of those. In a second attempt they don't give you the marks you earned in the other assessment aspects and it's all on your final exams so like if it's 20% coursework and you get 100%, means you only need 20% in the final exam to make it to 40% which is a pass etc- it's the overall mark for the class that matters. So with personal circumstances your resit counts in same way the initial exam was. I've applied for personal circumstances a few times and so far thankfully not needed as ended up passing, doing well in coursework and class tests etc. helped me a lot too.
Actually my exam went really well, to be honest the lecturers made these flashcards for the class on this website called cram (don't know if anyone has heard of it, basically it's a public website and anyone can post flashcards on and you can look at and use other people's flashcards on basically any subject, well our lecturers made them on this website so we can just search our class and use the flashcards). Anyways it was a multiple choice exam and they basically made it easy, think there was a bit of "sneakiness" with the lecturers as all the questions were like exactly the same as the flashcards , and I mean word for word eg. One of the flashcards was "Why are viruses excluded from the ribsomal-RNA based tree of life?" And you flip the card online and the answer was "because they lack rRNA" so in the exam one of the questions was the exact same word for word as the flashcard and there was 5 options and one of them was the exact same wording as the answer in the cram app. Like they made no effort to change it up, so all of us went away stressing and trying to learn loads of stuff and literally all these flashcards I like would spend like just going through on the bus and I could of honestly just barley study and just do a few flashcards a day and would've passed that exam lol.
So despite everything as the exam was like that I'm definitely not worried about it. The lecturers of the class in total basically told us overall we need to read like 15 chapters each like 50 pages long of a book as ANYTHING in those chapters could be asked in the exam IN TOP of 15 lecture PowerPoints covered in our lectures. None of the book stuff came up at all......
Bit hard to reply to all in one message so here's a continuation.....
Mike- as I said above exam went surprisingly well and they made it like very easy- I literally think the public would be shocked that people at uni can get exams like I did today but it did happen lol
Well generally.......
Feels like a lot of bad but I guess there is some good. I will start with the good.
My CPN (basically a mental health nurse) has got me involved and encouraged me to take up things like swimming. Well truthfully I loved swimming but hadn't been since I was like 15 as I was too self conscious. But my cpn suggested it and I felt like I needed to at least buy a costume and try..... well I felt a lot better as I picked costumes I liked and felt comfortable in, and realised you know I don't look as bad as I thought I would considering swimming costumes are ummm let's say a bit revealing. Then I would basically hide under a towel in changing rooms right up to showers, quick shower and run into pool, get in asap as you can really see people in water so I thought it would be okay. Now I've conckered that and found a new hobby- like I don't just like swimming, I absolutely love it- it gives me something to look forward to, it's good exercise plus I find it therapeutic as I love being in the water and the sound of water and stuff. So I go swimming almost every day now.
Also I have started art therapy too with a local initiative for people with various things from physical disabilities to mental health issues (I can go as I have mental health issues) so every Friday I go and it's basically just me painting in a room and there's this art guy who obviously is the art therapist and honestly thought he was an artist by profession as he is always working on his own art stuff when I go in. Anyways I'm loving it and have liked art and stuff at school but don't really do it but now I've started doing that.
These things have gave me more to my life as basically it gives me a purpose and stuff I enjoy and it's good for my mental health.
Also my community mental health team runs a badminton thing for their patients and as I am dreading summer my cpn is trying to help me by giving me more activities and stuff I can do to help my mental wellbeing so over summer I'm going to my mental health teams badminton group.
And the bad news, I've had a lot of blips and crises, my crises keep getting worse. Lets just say my like bad episodes are riskier and I'm braver which isn't good. Did some stupid stuff I won't be specific about as it's triggering content and I got a big fright in February this year, as one of my silly acts, lead to me having an emergency meeting on the day with my psychiatrist and cpn. I've never been hospitalised but I was like close to that then, thankfully I convinced them enough to let me go. Also been asked by my cpn if I want to go to hospital a few times when my episodes get bad, and truthfully I sometimes walk out with plans and stuff and I'm stupid, but I just tell her I should be okay, and I leave and then like that thing happened in Feb stuff like that. Never been in a mental hospital but have been close a few times
Like although I said I have good stuff I have bpd and things can go sour quickly for me as they say.......
Also almost got put on daily meds instead of weekly (I'm not allowed monthly).
Yeah so it's been eventful in good and bad ways.
Right now I've cheered up a bit after my exam and went out after with uni friends for dinner cause it was my friends birthday the other day.
But there's something really bothering me and despite that still including today I still have crying bursts and breakdowns, was even worse yesterday- there's something really upsetting me and worrying me you see. I'm a bit chirpier right now but I know this bad stuff will hit probably wake up a state tomorrow as this thing is really upsetting me.
Independent - thanks and nice to meet you (don't think we've met- online of course I mean lol)!
Although I think there once was someone on here from my uni
Oh ps. I keep seeing the mix ads on Facebook, and like when I read articles online so whatever you guys are doing it's getting out there. I don't even like the page on Facebook (mainly because like don't want people seeing I'm liking support pages, I would just dread to think my parents find me on this or something and figure it's me :O ) - so yeah your really getting out there.
Sorry for blab, I'm just having a reunion moment, I miss this place...... honestly feels like I know you all when technically I don't lol- in a weird but nice way
I saw her on Monday but as it was a tough session and stuff she said I can come in and see her tomorrow (friday)- even though I'm only supposed to see her every 2 weeks.
So glad to hear your exam went well - congrats! :yippe:
This is SO wonderful - props to you. It really sounds like you've made some great steps towards a healthier mind, and even if there are some bad things happening as well, they don't take away from what you're doing here. *hug* I imagine you're feeling the benefit of doing these things?
I'm curious about this - what is it that's worrying you so much, apandav? :chin:
It can be really crappy when someone like a support worker goes away, and it can feel even more daunting if you're sure where you might go while they're not around. Have you got any ideas about how you could make things easier while she's on holiday? Maybe some ways you could look after yourself a bit more or some places/people you could reach out to? Goes without saying that The Mix will always around for you whenever you need it. :yes:
Keep us posted on how things go - it's wicked to have you back.
Got told unless I agreed to stay safe, they would call the police on me