I'm so sick of tired of feeling so sick and tired.

Former Member · February 2017

What's the happs?

As the title says, I'm honestly just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Inside I feel like a ball of emotions and everyday I seem to be in a battle with myself to decide which emotion I want to emit. There's so many thoughts that run through my mind that I could be happy one moment, annoyed the next and then sad. I just wish I knew what was up with me.

It's not like this is a new thing, I've struggled with maintaining a happy mind since I was about 13/14, however once I got to around 17 everything changed. I felt so happy and I felt like I belong with the group of friends that I had at the time. Cut a long story short, my mother was offered a job in a different town to where we lived, although I was at the age where I could live by myself, I wasn't financially able to live by my own (I was jobless and on JSA at the time) so I made the decision to just move with her - It was either that or face being homeless.

Since I've moved I've lost contact with nearly all of my friends, we kept in contact for a few months through Skype, text messages and we used to go out at least twice a month but for the most part I no longer talk to them. Ever since I moved people have given me the advice that I should "go out and make friends", sure, I probably should do that, but at the age of 23 it seems to be extremely hard to make friends. So giving up on the idea of making friends in the area that I lived in, I turned to social media. Social media is something that I was never really interested in, I had Facebook, but it just wasn't me. I wasn't interested in it. So I turned to Twitter, made a ton of friends, but now I hate Twitter. I just got to the point where I don't feel like it's beneficial. I don't enjoy being on Twitter, I stopped talking to most of the people I talked to on Twitter, yet I find myself constantly checking Twitter. I just hate it.

The sad thing is that without Twitter I just feel so lonely, it's basically something I use to distract my mind of my thoughts. There's so much more I want to talk about but I don't know how. I don't have any family I feel like I could talk to, I don't have any friends I could turn to, I don't feel like I should turn to anybody at work and I don't feel strong enough to talk to a doctor (I've considered it in the past, but ALWAYS bottle out of it.)

I'm at the point where I'm now sick and tired of being sick of tired. I don't know what to feel, where to turn, who to turn to and it just leave me feeling weak, sad, pathetic and self-hating. I want a change, I want a new challenge, I want something to take my mind off of whatever is going on inside my head, I just don't know what to do.

mica · February 2017

Hi GlassofPepsi,

It sounds like you're experiencing what I think of as "rock bottom"; that feeling that things can't get much worse, and you are ready to really work for them to get better. Even though hitting rock bottom is very emotionally distressing, I also think it's a place where a lot of growth can happen. If you are following my logic, I think now might be the time that you can finally reach out and talk to a doctor. It absolutely makes sense that talking to a doctor would be scary, but in my experience, there comes a point where the idea of staying as you are (sick and tired or being sick and tired) is actually more scary than taking steps to get support and secure a more enjoyable future for yourself.
I think reaching out on the boards here was really brave of you, and maybe other users could share their positive experiences of reaching out to their doctor for the first time, so you know a little more of what to expect.

How are you getting on today?

- Mica

FeatheredDreams · February 2017

I agree with Mica here!

I haven't spoken to a doctor yet (I don't trust my GP, but that's a matter of me being too lazy to switch, lol) but in october? november? I, for the first time in over 4 years of suffering, reached out to a counsellor for my issues.

She was really nice, actually, doctors/counsellors and such are really sensitive about the personal issues you face, or most of them are anyway- I know in the meeting she had she didn't judge at all some of the really trivial issues I have (not diagnosed, but it's looking like ocd right now...). In my case, i was referred to IAPT for CBT, or I was -supposed- to be anyway, but that's a failing on account of my college.

I was super anxious in the first meeting, especially with the nature of the issues i had to talk about, but she ensured it remained a calm environment so I could freely express myself and..it felt really really good after. Proud that I was able to do it, and happy that in the future I will eventually recieve some sort of care.

The first meeting in my experience was just a discussion of what issues you have and some of the thoughts/emotions around them, so they can decide the best path of care for you! I was referred to CBT personally because it's the best type of therapy for my issues, your doctor similarly will be able to refer you to the person who can best support you since different cases require differnet types of care/therapies!

Former Member · February 2017

mica wrote: »

Hi GlassofPepsi,

It sounds like you're experiencing what I think of as "rock bottom"; that feeling that things can't get much worse, and you are ready to really work for them to get better. Even though hitting rock bottom is very emotionally distressing, I also think it's a place where a lot of growth can happen. If you are following my logic, I think now might be the time that you can finally reach out and talk to a doctor. It absolutely makes sense that talking to a doctor would be scary, but in my experience, there comes a point where the idea of staying as you are (sick and tired or being sick and tired) is actually more scary than taking steps to get support and secure a more enjoyable future for yourself.
I think reaching out on the boards here was really brave of you, and maybe other users could share their positive experiences of reaching out to their doctor for the first time, so you know a little more of what to expect.

How are you getting on today?

- Mica

I don't think think I'm scared of the thought of going to a doctor, I think I'm more scared of going to my doctors. The doctors I go to are notorious for offering a terrible service, one Google search of the practice would show you that most of their patients think that the practice is failing. In fact it was ranked as one of the worse within my area. I too feel this way. In the past when I've had appointments for other medical issues it just seemed that the doctors I saw wanted to get the appointment over and done with as soon as possible, not only that but the process of getting an appointment is so difficult. The receptionist/office staff that book appointments make the whole process feel like you're a criminal who is being integrated.

I understand that times are hard and the NHS are under pressure but it just seems as if they genuinely don't care. Not only that but my moods are constantly flipping at the moment, I go through good times, but then suffer a lot through bad times. I just feel like if I went to see the doctor I'd just get rushed through the appointment and treated as another statistic that deals with mental health issues.

Although I am against seeing a doctor right now, I am actually seeing a workplace wellbeing officer next week. I had a one-to-one with my manager and they said that they were worried about me because of my lack of focus, motivation and my moods. They referred me to a wellbeing officer so I am hoping that this helps.

I'm so sick of tired of feeling so sick and tired.

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