Ive had enough

Jacob101 · December 2016

I can't do this anymore, this pretending to be okay is so hard. Always having to put a barrier in front of how i really feel.

I would be happy to fall asleep and not wake up.

JustV · December 2016

Hey Jess.

How're you feeling today?

I realise there's not much I can say when you feel like this, but for what it's worth we're here for you to vent and lean on as much as you need. *hug*

Would it help to tell us a bit more about what you're going through? Feeling like you're pretending to be someone you're not just to appease people can be really really tiring, so I feel for you. Having those moments where you can let your guard down and be yourself can be very relieving, though. Do you have anyone you can do that with? Be yourself?

Jacob101 · December 2016

Hi Mike,

Just similar to my other post that is on the forum which steph replied to today. So you could check out that post if you want.

I wrote this on the other post in reply to Steph:

Thank you for commenting Steph. I honestly feel like im not good enough. my parents keep saying Jess just brighten up or jess just be happy and positive but its not that easy. I am not who they want to be so whats the point anymore. They dont bloody understand!! i am missing my friend so much as well who took his own life last year, i would do anything to hear his voice or give him a hug again. - im honestly not coping and i am in contact with Papyrus. It is just so hard Steph, i look round and everyone else are so happy and excited about Christmas while i just want to cry. Will it ever get easier? They say time heals but with time things are only getting worse.

Aurora · December 2016

Hello Jess,

How are you doing today? I'm sorry to hear how low you are feeling at the moment, it sounds like a really intense time of year, exspecially with the added pressure of the Christmas holidays. However, it's a bit of a mare jumping from different threads, for the same topic, so might be more beneficial, for us to offer support and for you to recieve support on the message boards, if the same topic post was together. Obviously, this is completely your choice.

I really get where you're coming from on putting on a front to show people you are okay, I do it whenever I'm around people, because societies norm is for everyone to be okay, and humans are designed to fee emotion, various emotions if that. Hence why during the holiday it is so important to give time for yourself, allow yourself to take a step away from everyone and explore your emotions, cry if you need to, write a sad poem, do what helps you to release that negative energy you've allowed to build up inside of you.

I personally find, being told, it's okay to not be okay, a not okay statement, because ngl, it's not always okay to not be okay, sometimes, life faces us with challenges where we find ourselves having to be stronger than ever, like, even if I wanted to cry at work at times, I wouldn't, I would smile and get on with it. Also, you know what support is out there, Samaritans, and Papyrus, contact them if you need to talk. Like even if it's during time you're having to yourself. It can help just to offload to someone who wants to listen.

And, ,in response to your reply to Steph on the other thread (Just to confuse things) - Parents worry about their children an insane ammount, like you wouldn't believe it, and if they haven't been through it personally, they don't understand and if they have, they probaberbly don't want to believe that their child is struggling so much. Do you want your parents to understand? Because, the only way you can do that, is pretty much by talking to them. I get that's easier said than done, but take it one step at a time. I'm sorry to hear about your friend, do your parents know about him? Do you feel as though you could talk to them about him? - And maybe do something in his memory with the support of your parents. I remember when I heard about a close friend of mine passing away via suicide herself, I rang up my parents and cried down the phone.

How is contact with Papyrus going? And people make look happy, but the holidays are difficult for so many people, and so many people will just put a front on for those around them. And on the whether it will get easier front, I think it will, it might not, but I do think their is a great chance in things getting better, you might not completely ever feel 100% happy, but you will find coping mechanisms that help you cope with whats going on.

Anyway, it's late, I hope you have a lovely Christmas, and remember, you can post on TheMix message boards at any point, at any time of day,

Best wishes,
WhispersOfTheHeart

Ive had enough

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