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Just back from A & E and want to break down, don't feel I can distract myself
apandav
Posts: 2,072 Boards Champion
^^ floods of tears in public library and I don't care. I went to a and e , just discharged
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Keep us updated,
WhispersOfTheHeart
Things got too much yesterday and wanted to commit suicide and thought I could, so went to A &E. Had stupid irrelevant tests like blood pressure, heart rate, blood sugars and temp done - dunno why if it's a MH problem! Then shortly after waiting I got a room in a and e and waited until I spoke to a medical doctor at a and e. The doctor phoned the psychiatry liaison team and was told I'd have to wait to speak to them. Then not long later I sat and spoke to two nurses - it wasn't pleasant experience any of it - they said stuff like its great you have uni and we'd recommend you go back to class today for distraction. And that apparently I've managed to distract myself full time in a and e - well I did chat with student nurse from uni (she came with me)., but often burst into tears and starting pacing about the massive room, they put me in, shouting stuff cause I was upset. They also made it out it was a cry for help and I only went to get somewhere, but I genuinely wanted to commit suicide. They gave me some suggestions and said they'd recommend to my psychiatrist I get some more regular support - probably like a CPN to see weekly. They made it out I am just looking for someone to chat to
Basically I'm really struggling and my MH is really bad at the moment.
We're all here and happy to listen
Steph- really appreciate it but don't want to put pressure on you to reply and stuff- wouldn't want to do that to anyone (especially as you have your own stuff going on, but its not just because of it). Thank you so much, and thanks for supporting me on my threads, I appreciate it! I just feel if I use the threads , if you want you can reply here but there is no pressure, and if I was to PM you , maybe it would feel more pressure to reply and stuff. I don't want to drag anyone else down, or make them feel worse!
Sorry things are so bad right now
Maybe there is something that you could focus on today, like a movie, a walk or some studying that might distract you from the feelings? I know the feeling is so intense, but is there something that might help you step back from everything that's going on in your head right now?
It's been going on too long, it never resolves,I always believe I'm doomed either way, so what is the point?
Can't study as can't focus,and exams 5th and 6th - I'm least prepared ever, and we don't get study leave this year! So I'm doomed even for short term future a well as long term, so I want to fix it all now. I really want to die.
Do uni know what is going on? Might you be able to get extenuating circumstances / defer your exams until another point? It might help to take some of your pressure away if you can discuss with them now a strategy to sit your exams
But thoughts are quite bad so don't know if I'll be alive much longer, if I'm honest.
Ultimately I just want to die though
Sounds like you were having a really tough day yesterday, how are you feeling today? Sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, seems like you're really struggling to cope at the moment, you mentioned speaking to the PDA at uni, it sounds like you're trying to get help for yourself with your exams which sounds really positive. I saw you mentioned you got a really good mark in one of your other assessments, well done, that's great news!
If you're really finding things too overwhelming we would urge you to contact a crisis support service such as Samaritans or Papyrus or to contact the emergency services as we're not able to give crisis support here.
You're doing really well to continue to talk here about what's going on, we're here to talk more if you'd like to *hug*
Still feeling rubbish if I am honest and having a lot of bad thoughts. But since my psychiatrists appointment is tomorrow, that's sort of motivated me a bit to try to get on with the day- so I have been trying to fill my time- I went to the mindfulness meditation at uni, pushed myself as it means that 30mins over. It's really about waiting it out
Yes, I spoke to my PDA about it, well everyone in my year had to have a meeting, but my PDA and I also chatted a bit about my issues. I have to meet him again, as they uni are looking for ways to help me in these circumstances. I did, and I feel proud of it- at least it's something positive, and means I already have a 24% weighting for one class (I need 40 overall, with every element combined). However, still worried about my other class (which also has an exam) especially, I am so behind, have bad focus at the moment and missed a lot of class.
I understand, I am just getting frustrated and I have been seeking crisis support from my MH team over past couple of weeks (as I've needed it) and also A & E once. I am still not allowed to phone PAPYRUS- they are restricting my calls until january. They said it's for my own good and because it's a "short term" service, but I am really struggling and actually have got worse since with my suicidal stuff. It is supposed to help me, but I am actually deteriorating - I have became a lot riskier and brave at trying bad things!
Overall, still feel doomed and don't think anything will help, but am waiting until my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow.