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Friendship dilemma
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Who's ever experienced that awkward feeling of paranoia over the fact that you're losing touch with that really good friend you've known for a while? And what's worse is that you've got that nasty feeling that they've been turned against you by malicious gossip? Join the club as that's what I'm experiencing.
I've known my friend since September 2011 at our former workplace and we clicked straight away. Over time our friendship grew stronger & we grew closer. She was just so kind, thoughtful and even though she could be a little shy and quiet she easily came out of her shell around everyone and was a real laugh. I appreciate all those times she looked out/stuck up for me-and vice versa- and when she came to check if I was okay when I threw up in the toilet at one of the staff xmas dos (apologies to all) whilst everyone else just laughed at me or bitched.
But when I went on this walking group (to get some ideas on support as well as meet more people) where the leader was also great friends with my friend from work and don't get me wrong she too seemed nice, but only at first. The group leader had a tendency of speaking without thinking of how much it would cut me up inside. A few times when she came out with these insensitive comments I had to politely say to her that not only did I find her comments belittling but the fact that we were in a restaurant-we'd stop off for a drink after the walk- and I felt other customers could hear her words. Thankfully whenever more people attended I wasn't an easy target to nitpick at therefore the ambience was a lot more positive since we'd be giggling and chatting about daft things such as unusual crushes, funny moments, what animal we'd be, etc.
In general I often felt pressured to attend because if I didn't she'd question me, I got fed up of having to make stuff up (on some occasions I just pulled sickies as I thought it was easier, but I couldn't always do that to avoid it becoming too obvious). Even if the weather was crap I'd still be expected to turn up (ridiculous or what) and although this leader often complimented me on my clothes, appearance and personality and spoke warmly of others as well as understood and sympathised with the fact that some of the colleagues me and my friend had were a little funny as well as annoying things my family (whilst defending them as I love them all the same) say and do, though sometimes I can have my moments I'll admit, she said something back in September that really stung me.
After all that time when she was nice about my appearance she decided to backstab me by saying, her words "y'know when I first met you Gemma, I thought you were 15 years old...you're clearly stuck in a time warp." My mouth just fell open as I tried to think of some snappy, bitchy comeback but that assertive side of my brain seemed to have taken a nap and I couldn't wake it up. So I left a message on my friends answer phone politely telling her what this lady had said but since I've never received anything. I also left a note (I had to take several deep breaths before I wrote this) to the group leader and made sure it was polite while informing her that I find the way she's been speaking to me tactless and that her comments were not needed. I've not heard anything from her since but I don't care. Peace at last!
I will miss those friends I made, the restaurant we went to (and the staff), the film-night event that took place once around April/May time and her dog Etta who was a sweet little thing
But my friend who I bet has been told by the lady not to speak to me ever again. Not sure what to do now.
I've known my friend since September 2011 at our former workplace and we clicked straight away. Over time our friendship grew stronger & we grew closer. She was just so kind, thoughtful and even though she could be a little shy and quiet she easily came out of her shell around everyone and was a real laugh. I appreciate all those times she looked out/stuck up for me-and vice versa- and when she came to check if I was okay when I threw up in the toilet at one of the staff xmas dos (apologies to all) whilst everyone else just laughed at me or bitched.
But when I went on this walking group (to get some ideas on support as well as meet more people) where the leader was also great friends with my friend from work and don't get me wrong she too seemed nice, but only at first. The group leader had a tendency of speaking without thinking of how much it would cut me up inside. A few times when she came out with these insensitive comments I had to politely say to her that not only did I find her comments belittling but the fact that we were in a restaurant-we'd stop off for a drink after the walk- and I felt other customers could hear her words. Thankfully whenever more people attended I wasn't an easy target to nitpick at therefore the ambience was a lot more positive since we'd be giggling and chatting about daft things such as unusual crushes, funny moments, what animal we'd be, etc.
In general I often felt pressured to attend because if I didn't she'd question me, I got fed up of having to make stuff up (on some occasions I just pulled sickies as I thought it was easier, but I couldn't always do that to avoid it becoming too obvious). Even if the weather was crap I'd still be expected to turn up (ridiculous or what) and although this leader often complimented me on my clothes, appearance and personality and spoke warmly of others as well as understood and sympathised with the fact that some of the colleagues me and my friend had were a little funny as well as annoying things my family (whilst defending them as I love them all the same) say and do, though sometimes I can have my moments I'll admit, she said something back in September that really stung me.
After all that time when she was nice about my appearance she decided to backstab me by saying, her words "y'know when I first met you Gemma, I thought you were 15 years old...you're clearly stuck in a time warp." My mouth just fell open as I tried to think of some snappy, bitchy comeback but that assertive side of my brain seemed to have taken a nap and I couldn't wake it up. So I left a message on my friends answer phone politely telling her what this lady had said but since I've never received anything. I also left a note (I had to take several deep breaths before I wrote this) to the group leader and made sure it was polite while informing her that I find the way she's been speaking to me tactless and that her comments were not needed. I've not heard anything from her since but I don't care. Peace at last!
I will miss those friends I made, the restaurant we went to (and the staff), the film-night event that took place once around April/May time and her dog Etta who was a sweet little thing
But my friend who I bet has been told by the lady not to speak to me ever again. Not sure what to do now.0
Comments
This article might help set your mind at ease a bit that it's ok to let things go if people aren't treating you as they should. It also sounds like you're getting our and trying new things but if you need any more help this article on making new friends might be worth a read.
Let us know how you get on