Trying to make new friends

Starry night · January 2016

Heya,

Feeling a little embarrassed about this but here it goes. Basically, I'm not somebody who really likes much social stuff but I'm finding recently especially now that I'm single (although I didn't spend much time with him either I admit) I feel quite down and keep thinking that life is passing me by.

I like my own space alot and enjoy my job and work at uni, but I think a little social stuff would be nice to, just a little. I don't want to try at uni, I think it wouldn't go well and my classmates would just find me annoying. I'm looking for something away from uni where there's no pressure to make friends, it's not like someone could reject me or something, but where I can turn up, chat about stuff with no pressure, go home. Something different, but not something to be nervous about.

Anybody been in a similar position? How did you get out of it?

Also, I have good friends back where I was born but I don't see them often because it's far away and friendships work best for me with a bit of space, I like a little but good quality time with people.

Former Member · January 2016

Hey :wave:

I'm sure a lot of people have been in a similar position so you're most likely not alone in this, and well done for opening up on here :yes:

I wonder if you might consider volunteering - it's a great way to meet people but at the same time no pressure and something different! It also means you'd be voluntarily giving your time to help others which can feel extremely rewarding and be a good utilisation of spare time. Do-it has a lot of opportunities, and you can tailor your search to your location and interests.

There's also things like clubs and classes or activities which may be going on in local areas, for example book clubs, language classes and the like - whatever you might be interested in. Again this could be a way to have a bit of social time without the pressure of a full-blown friendship :chin:

We also have some advice here on making new friends if you wanted to take a look

Former Member · January 2016

I've been in this situation. I joined a few groups. First one I ended up leaving because the behaviour of a few members wasn't imo overly appropriate to me. (one was much older and wanted a relationship and the other was just so clingy and expected me to deal with his problems) Another I was a member for about 3 years and settled in ok and got on with most people. (or didn't talk to some, it's just the way it goes) Got bored and left. Still in contact with the group. I talk to one of them of them fairly often. He left around the time as I did and I get lessons from him once a week.

Former Member · January 2016

Hiya,
I was literally thinking the exact thing yesterday that I have friends elsewhere but for some reason I don’t have many friends at uni! So don’t worry there are other people in your situation. I know it can be hard to not have many friends especially as it may make you feel a bit isolated or lonely.

My advice would be to join either a society (I know uni but you don’t have a major focus on making friends) or perhaps a group outside of university. Something that you really enjoy or fancy doing, either volunteering (this will make your CV look better for when you graduate), a sports/ fitness class or perhaps something completely unique like a harry potter muggles society. Whatever the thing you fancy doing, as not only will this give you time to relax from university and give you a bit of time where you’re not focusing on work but enjoying yourself but may also be a way of making friends without a massive focus on friendships.

Good luck

Former Member · January 2016

Hi :wave:

That's great that you opened up about this as I'm sure lots of people, me included, feel very similar to what you've described. I'm very introverted and love having time by myself while often feeling like I should be meeting people even though I find it difficult.

There have been some great suggestions from everyone else above me on this thread and I would say the same, a club or group outside of Uni who focus on similar things of interest to yours is a fun way to do something you like doing with similar minded people without the pressure of having to be too social. For example, I joined a running club so that I can meet and run with other people but I don't need to worry about too much chatting as it's quite hard for me to run and talk at the same time

. Or volunteering is great as well for occasionally meeting up with people to help out a charity, and it allows you to decide when you feel ready to be social and when you prefer to have me time.

Best of luck

Trying to make new friends

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