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Quarter crisis and paranoia
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Wish I could turn back the hands of time for a lot of things. Don't get me wrong I would never erase absolutely everything. I'd still live in the same places, known the same people, visited the same people etc. But there's times where I wish I'd done something differently such as once in year 9 a girl who I was good friends with kindly offered to take me out clubbing at Evolution and I stupidly declined the invite. Even though she was nice about it and I thanked her for this kind gesture you can imagine how much I'm beating myself up about this. If only synths were invented and I could teleport along with my synth (from watching Humans on Channel 4 its given me this notion) who would look out for me in the club as I could never-and still can't-go by myself to clubs/pubs/etc as I have mild autism which means I'd need a chaperone to ward off trouble that could occur in both the venue itself and on the bus, train or whatever form of public transport I'd wish to use.
I still thank this girl as she was always lovely and thoughtful and to top it had a bubbly upbeat personality, plus her brother was also a kind thoughtful friend not only to me but to others who'd need reassurance, a laugh or just a helping hand. They do say personality traits are genetic/hereditary (whichever word it is!) so you could see with them that was the case. Hope they're doing ok.
Unfortunately I still have that nasty feeling that this other girl, though I'd known this one since primary school, had spread some malicious rumours about me. Though there were reasons why I didn't tell her where I hung out with my sister and two other girls as I didn't want her or any of my other so-called, two faced friends who I knew at primary coming along and embarrassing me, as I had a pretty childlike nature at times I felt as though people judged me like that not only cos I acted like it in years 7 & 8 but as she was clued up about my more tragic side I felt she'd made this common knowledge to my peers. I hope I'm wrong-sometimes this girl was loyal, stuck up for me, invited me to a few parties, helped me through thick and thin- but she did have the potential to be pretty spiteful when she wanted to be.
I still thank this girl as she was always lovely and thoughtful and to top it had a bubbly upbeat personality, plus her brother was also a kind thoughtful friend not only to me but to others who'd need reassurance, a laugh or just a helping hand. They do say personality traits are genetic/hereditary (whichever word it is!) so you could see with them that was the case. Hope they're doing ok.
Unfortunately I still have that nasty feeling that this other girl, though I'd known this one since primary school, had spread some malicious rumours about me. Though there were reasons why I didn't tell her where I hung out with my sister and two other girls as I didn't want her or any of my other so-called, two faced friends who I knew at primary coming along and embarrassing me, as I had a pretty childlike nature at times I felt as though people judged me like that not only cos I acted like it in years 7 & 8 but as she was clued up about my more tragic side I felt she'd made this common knowledge to my peers. I hope I'm wrong-sometimes this girl was loyal, stuck up for me, invited me to a few parties, helped me through thick and thin- but she did have the potential to be pretty spiteful when she wanted to be.
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It sounds like you had a really lovely friend that looked out for you and and helped you to feel good - are you still in touch with her and her brother now? It sounds like at the time you weren't able to take up the offer to go to the club and that's understandable, try not to be too hard on yourself about it.
Do you think it's something you'd like to try at some point? If so perhaps trying a quiet pub first could be a good idea? There are likely to be new opportunities in the future.
I'm sorry to hear about this other girl who you didn't feel you could trust. It can be hard when someone knows our history and uses that against us. You mentioned the word paranoia in the title of your post and I wonder, is that something you're currently struggling with in terms of trusting people?
How are things with your friends at the moment?
Like @**helen** says - do update us - it'd be great to hear how your Boxing Day went and how you're feeling.
Good luck!