If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Are we just prolonging the inevitable...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello all,
My girlfriend (26) and I (25) have been together for just under 2 years now. Everything is going so well with our relationship and we're both happy together, we compliment each other well and due to our natures we rarely (if any) feel the need to argue (ofcourse we have are moment but they are very far and few between).
My problems lies with our future though. I am passionate about one day starting a family and having kids (ideally when im early 30's) however she has said that she doesnt want kids and has felt this way since she was in her teens. This ofcourse worries me as I feel we are only prolonging the inevitable.. I have brought it up on a few occasions about having children and she either says no she wont want kinds or she once said maybe in her 40's and then joked about it.
I have asked her is she feels that we are just prolonging the inevtiable (breaking up due to different views) she then told me that we should enjoy what we have today and not worry about the future, everything happens for a reason. Shethen went on to say that no one can really tell what our future holds as who knows next week I may leave her for someone else (just an example she joked on). When i said that planning is a good idea she then told me that if you plan and it fails you lead to disapointment. shen hen emphasised on the whole "enjoy today and see what tomorrow brings" and said that who knows, maybe in the future she may change her mind to have kids or I may change my mind to not have kids.
Has anyone got any advice on this? I really do love her and she does love me. This is a relationship I dont want to throw away yet again I dont want to loose out on one day starting a family...
Thanks for reading.
My girlfriend (26) and I (25) have been together for just under 2 years now. Everything is going so well with our relationship and we're both happy together, we compliment each other well and due to our natures we rarely (if any) feel the need to argue (ofcourse we have are moment but they are very far and few between).
My problems lies with our future though. I am passionate about one day starting a family and having kids (ideally when im early 30's) however she has said that she doesnt want kids and has felt this way since she was in her teens. This ofcourse worries me as I feel we are only prolonging the inevitable.. I have brought it up on a few occasions about having children and she either says no she wont want kinds or she once said maybe in her 40's and then joked about it.
I have asked her is she feels that we are just prolonging the inevtiable (breaking up due to different views) she then told me that we should enjoy what we have today and not worry about the future, everything happens for a reason. Shethen went on to say that no one can really tell what our future holds as who knows next week I may leave her for someone else (just an example she joked on). When i said that planning is a good idea she then told me that if you plan and it fails you lead to disapointment. shen hen emphasised on the whole "enjoy today and see what tomorrow brings" and said that who knows, maybe in the future she may change her mind to have kids or I may change my mind to not have kids.
Has anyone got any advice on this? I really do love her and she does love me. This is a relationship I dont want to throw away yet again I dont want to loose out on one day starting a family...
Thanks for reading.
0
Comments
While on the one hand it's great you too have a strong and happy relationship, with few arguments. It's also great that you two have both talked about the future - it's a positive step. It sounds like you have brought up having children and you have discovered that your GF doesn't really want kids, and has felt this way for a while.
The thing with planning for the future, especially something like children, can be incredibly hard. We are not the same people we were at 25, by the time you get to your early 30s. Priorities can change, you might not want the same things, or value the same things as you used. So many things can change in the time before you're ready to settle down. Your girlfriend may change her mind about kids; you may change your mind about having kids. It's so hard to say what can happen, but because you feel a particular way today, doesn't mean you will feel the same way tomorrow, next month or even 5 years down the line.
I can see where you are coming from, if you don't agree on this, then what's the point of carrying on, and your girlfriend has responded by saying she wants to live in the moment and enjoy the place you two are in right now. You are worried that one day you may break up because of this reason, and realise you have wasted so much time, however a relationship where you learn and grown from someone else, and have fond memories of, is never a waste of time. You could ask yourself, quite pessimistically what's the point in having any relationship, because they always end anyway? Do we avoid investing time and emotions into someone for fear it won't work out? No, we accept that by getting close to someone, we risk getting hurt. We take the risk because doing so means a more enriched life. I think if you were older then perhaps you may feel a bit different, chances are if you were 10 years older you would feel and see things very differently.
I think that perhaps your girlfriend has an interesting point of view, why worry now, about what could happen? Why not enjoy what you have with her and see where your adventure together leads you? You will both be changing quite a bit over the coming years, your values may shift, your experiences will have an impact on where you see yourselves ending up.
I hope that helps you