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Do you secretly idolise your parents’ relationship?

Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
in Sex & Relationships
What we expect from our relationships, and the way we understand them, can be really influenced by our parents' relationships. Whether they're together or not, and the way to relate to each other (and other people) can be really important. Even though it's a thing a lot of us dread, it can be quite easy to end up being like our parents!

What kind of a relationship do your parents have with each other? Do you think it influences what you want from a relationships, or how you act when you're in one?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not at all. My parents got divorced after nearly 10 years I think it was, but from what I've heard it wasn't the best marriage. Just the way my dad seems to be with partners (and his choice) makes me uneasy. Honestly I think I've learned more about relationships from here, my close friends and generally my own outlook on life than any of my family. That could just be because I've never been very tight with my family, though. Who knows?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not sure about their relationship - but I've realised I do it to a certain extent with their lifestyle, house etc.

    That said, there's probably bits of their relationship that I look for in my own. Equality probably being the biggest factor. As a few examples:
    • It took me a long time to realise that both parents equally sharing the driving on long journeys wasn't necessarily that common. My mum and dad both drive equally, and never really crossed my mind that wouldn't be the case. I've since discovered that it's not uncommon for wives 'not to drive on motorways' 'doesn't really like long distance' 'only use the car to pop to the shops'.
    • Sharing the chores - dad did all the ironing when I was kid, whichever parent got home first/was least tied up with other stuff cooked dinner. Again, wasn't noteworthy to me at the time, but later noticed it's not all that common.
    • Both having professional qualifications and careers - both also being involved in child care.
    I'm not the most girly girl out there, I like cars, I hate cleaning - and have realised that one of the reasons my relationship works so well is because we share the load on most things in life. If it drifted too far towards some of the more stereotypical splits of he does the diy while I do the cleaning then we'd be stuffed - and don't think I'd be able to tolerate a relationship that didn't have the equality that my parents does.
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    Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    Scary Monster wrote: »
    Not sure about their relationship - but I've realised I do it to a certain extent with their lifestyle, house etc.

    That said, there's probably bits of their relationship that I look for in my own. Equality probably being the biggest factor. As a few examples:
    • It took me a long time to realise that both parents equally sharing the driving on long journeys wasn't necessarily that common. My mum and dad both drive equally, and never really crossed my mind that wouldn't be the case. I've since discovered that it's not uncommon for wives 'not to drive on motorways' 'doesn't really like long distance' 'only use the car to pop to the shops'.
    • Sharing the chores - dad did all the ironing when I was kid, whichever parent got home first/was least tied up with other stuff cooked dinner. Again, wasn't noteworthy to me at the time, but later noticed it's not all that common.
    • Both having professional qualifications and careers - both also being involved in child care.
    I'm not the most girly girl out there, I like cars, I hate cleaning - and have realised that one of the reasons my relationship works so well is because we share the load on most things in life. If it drifted too far towards some of the more stereotypical splits of he does the diy while I do the cleaning then we'd be stuffed - and don't think I'd be able to tolerate a relationship that didn't have the equality that my parents does.


    I really like this picture of a shared relationship :) Did you have to work to build that situation (negotiating who does what, understanding each other's reason etc), or did it fall into place more easily? It sounds like it could end up more complicated than those pre-established stereotypes (he fixes things, she cleans things etc.)?
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