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Freaking Out

ShatteredSecretsShatteredSecrets NoobPosts: 186 Boards Initiate
Hi guys...

I am really freaking out right now. I don't know what is happening to me. I've been having issues with eating for absolutely forever. But it seems like this past week it has been horrendous. I've managed to lose more than a healthy amount of weight in these past 5 days. I won't specify how much bc I don't wanna trigger anybody. My sister and I (and perhaps my brother) decided for fathers day we were gonna take our entire family out to eat. That was 3 weeks ago. Now I can't face it. I tried to look up the menu for the place we are going to see if I could have something which would not freak me out or make me break down. What a massive fail it was. The menu's have no nutritional info whatsoever. I'm so so so scared. I can't cope with eating anymore or not knowing what I'm putting into my body. I know I'm just going to ruin everything for all of them just like I always do. I hate myself so much. I just want all of this to end. Why can't I just be normal? I can feel a panic attack coming on. I don't know what to do.

- ShatteredSecrets

I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

Comments

  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,300 Part of The Furniture
    Hey ShatteredSecrets :heart:

    I just wanted to post and offer you *hug*s

    I am sorry to hear about what your feeling, and what is happening to you, do you have any support in place? I don't know if you have ever heard of b-eat, it could be worth looking into, they may be able to advise you with what to do next.

    Here is the linky http://www.b-eat.co.uk/?gclid=CIHzs8a5jcYCFSrJtAodt3MAkA

    When you say "why can't I just be normal" What is it that you define as normal for you? The reason I ask is just to get an idea on what you think is normal. I don't think normal exists. That doesn't make what you said invalid cos it sounds like it's something that you want. You want to feel normal. But maybe it's about learning more about what normal feels like for you.

    I hope that makes sense.

    I don't think you're not normal,I just think your going through a difficult patch and you need some support. That doesn't make you not normal.

    *hug*s

    Keep posting, we care about you.


    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • ShatteredSecretsShatteredSecrets Noob Posts: 186 Boards Initiate
    Hi..

    Thanks for replying so quickly and thanks for the hug..

    I have heard of them but not entirely sure how to approach or even if I have the courage to approach them. I'm scared.

    When I say normal I mean do things the way they are supposed to be done. So for example.. eat without worrying about weight gain or guilt, be able to take constructive criticism, being able to cope when things turn bad and not turn to harming myself. I just seem to be a waste of space and oxygen right now. Can't seem to do or get anything right and I'm just scared. Not about now, but later. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But say in weeks, months, or even years time? What if I can't stop all these behaviours when I think I am where I want to be? I don't know.. Sorry..

    - ShatteredSecrets

    I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,300 Part of The Furniture
    It's okay :heart:

    I understand that you may be worried about reaching out for support, or maybe don't feel ready. But you should be very proud of yourself for starting this thread, looking for support. I know it's not an easy thing to do. But you have taken the first step. It's about building up confidence and trust and sometimes the online world can be that stepping stone to getting support offline too.

    I know you may not believe me, but the things you say don't make you not normal. They make you the way you are. And I am sure people love you for you. I can relate to how your feeling and I often say to myself I wish I was normal, I wish I didn't do the things I do, but then I think to myself, just cos I struggle with things does that make me not normal. I guess not. It's the same for you.

    Do you think going to a doctor could help. I know it may not be possible yet, but maybe in the future.
    Do you have anyone offline you'd be able to talk too about this? Somebody who could maybe support you offline, or help you with going to the doctors.


    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • ShatteredSecretsShatteredSecrets Noob Posts: 186 Boards Initiate
    I've been to the doctors a few times about this and they say they can't help me unless I'm dangerously underweight or in hospital :/ I feel weird talking about it to people bc I feel like they will take one look at me and be like "are you being serious? have you seen the size of you?" I just don't know.

    - ShatteredSecrets

    I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,300 Part of The Furniture
    Sorry your going through this. Your not alone and we care. *hug*

    I am sorry you haven't had much look speaking to doctors about this. I guess sometimes it's about finding the right doctor. I have seen quite a few, and it took me a while to find somebody I could talk too, and who helped.

    People's reactions may differ, but it's about finding that one person who you are close to and you can trust. :heart:

    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The best advice I can give you for eating out is this - if there's nothing on the menu that you feel ok with, don't be afraid to ask them to make you something not on the menu like an omelette, or if you see a starter you like or feel ok about ask to have it as a main course. Hope that helps. I'm sure your family will be glad just to spend time with you sweetheart.

    If you start to feel panicky, try to focus on your breathing, sip water & stay cool. If the rooms is hot, head to the loo's and splash cold water on your face, feel your feet firmly on the floor & mentally repeat 'I am safe, I am in control'

    I truly wish you all the best & hope you are able to relax & enjoy the time with loved ones - and if you need a little extra support - drop me a message!

    Good luck sweetie pie

    Neat
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi SS,

    I just wanted to drop in and post a couple of links you might find useful as you mentioned being scared to think about contacting beat. We have done a couple of expert chats with beat in the past and they have been really friendly - they are very much open to people getting in touch who are in the same position as you.

    Here are the links to the two chats we did, might be worth a read, you'll see that other have also found GPs can be difficult and it takes time to find the right support, but you do deserve to feel heard and understood and to work through your thoughts and feelings about eating.

    http://www.thesite.org/mental-health...ers-11544.html

    http://www.thesite.org/mental-health...ers-13828.html

    We also have a great video from Dr Aaron about coping with panic attacks that you might like to bookmark for next time you're feeling on edge.

    Let us know how you're getting on *hug*
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