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Being friends with an ex
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey well am leaving college in 4 weeks and my ex broke up with me last year he was my first bf we were going out for 8 months I took it bad when he broke up with me it was a really hard time for me ever since we broke up we haven't talked or nothing we did start talking again at Christmas time and we meet up but never went well I realised I still loved him and just wanted him back but he didn't want to so we just stop speaking but now I leave college in 4 weeks and I won't see him again I can't imagine my life without him I know if I be friends with him that way I can still see him but I don't know if it will be too painful I know am not over him yet but maybe this time I might be able to be friends I need some help to figure out what to do x
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Sorry to hear things have been so hard since the break up. Have you seen him at all since december? It's not easy to still have feeling for someone, but try to not be too hard on yourself, these things take time.
You say you're leaving in 4 weeks and might not see him again - are you moving city? Time far from him could actually help, but its normal to feel sad and worried about it.
If you feel like seeing him one more time for a coffee to get closure than maybe you should. It might go better than it did in December as it was a while ago... But if you feel that it will only give you hope to get back together than it might be too hard. At the end of the day, only you know what feels right - follow your gut on this one so you feel no regrets *hug*
Also have a look at our article on break ups when you can.
Do let us know how you get on :yes:
Christele has give some great advice, and I have to agree with it all. If you still have feelings for someone who doesn't have them back, staying friends could just prolong your hurt rather than helping. Space and this new stage of your life will hopefully be the fresh start you need.
However, if you think just meeting for a chat might give you some closure then go for it - be honest with him and just say you want to leave college on good terms or something like that.
It's cheesy, but time is a healer. I promise the hurt will pass and you will move on.
First of all, we can only sympathise with you as leaving school, college or university is a scary place to be when you dont know where to turn or who to turn to.
I know you might find that your brain is all in over gear right now but its not as bad as what you think. I'm sure now you have been at college for so long that you may have some sort of an idea on what you want to do next.
I think it's really important that you focus your mind on one problem at time. Therefore, I would say at the top of the list is making sure you know what you want to do in your life right now ie Career.
You know better then anyone else what you want to do because only you know yourself best only if you don't know what you want to do then there are a lot of people out there who can help.
Once you have your career heading in the right direction then you will be able to tackle your second problem which is your ex.
You and your ex was once together 8 months ago and then only recently you and him broke up for whatever reason. That being said, there is one a problem and that problem is not getting over him which now is taking over everything you once wanted planed.
Therefore your gonna answer yourself questions and answer those questions to think is the right ones but it's not as simple as what you might think.
However that's where we come in so you may still be unsure on who, where, what and how to turn to although you will hear different opinions as to what to do and as you know there maybe not a right answer.
Therefore as I said before go away and solve one problem at a time by writing a list on the first common problem what's in your head and think of a realistic way of tackling it, then once you have done that take the first step by ie seeing who, going to where, doing what and thinking about how to do that then after that hopefully your first problem is solved. Then think about the second problem and do it the same way as the first problem so on and so on.
You might find that finding the right answer can only come from you but having a second opinion can count of two. There's alot you need to figure out so it's best to go way and think about it.
However there maybe some websites and helpines to help you.
The National Careers Service - Can be found online or by going into your local drop in centre
Connexions Direct - Can be found through there website or by going into your local connexions direct centre
National Apprenticeships - Can be found online and either by email
Direct Gov - Can be found online and by phone
Get Connected - Can be found online, phone or web chat
The Samaritans - Can be found online, phone or by your local branch
Mind - Can be found online and phone
Brook - Can be found on there website www.Brook.org.uk and there's advice on relationships and speaking to someone online
The Surgery - Can be found on the website bbc.co.uk/thesurgery and there's advice a range of topics and help
These are only a guide so it may or may not be any use to you but it's there if you need them.
I hope that helps x
That's why there are always people to help from the National Careers Service who can help you find a job, look into education again or do voluntary work etc. They can you to do that or Connexions are similar two.
I think about your career before you think about anything else right now. You need to put yourself first as that's really important remember. Knowing what you want to do then doing it will come in place so you have something to focus on.
You could send a text and say to that guy about meeting up as you said one time and leave it as that and if he replys then that's good but if he doesn't then you know your answer by your only suggesting about meeting up now you both finished college.
I hope that helps x