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Her ex is always around
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey everyone Im new here so its great to meet everyone.
Im currently at the 1 month mark with my new partner. Its been amazing and ive honestly had the "shes the one feeling". Im 24 and shes 27.
For her job she works as a band manager. The label that she works for has a few bands but the one she manages has her ex boyfriend as the drummer. She didnt want to be with him anymore and so split with him 18 months ago after dating for 8 months, ever since then they have still been great friends but also for the bands sake kept things going.
Along comes little me haha. At first I couldnt have gave two shits that he was around, I was mature enough not to get jealous and the fact of the matter was, she broke it off with him so if she wanted to be with him then she would. But this past week has really started to get on my nerves.
I went to watch her perform a gig on thursday, where they played together and sang some flippin love song he had wrote about their situation together (she does a bit of gigging as well). Saturday night he was around for the movie night with the rest of the band and sunday he even came to the friggen pictures with us and a few other pals (and sat next to her).
I mentioned on Saturday It was really starting to bother me, she apologied but said obviously it was part of her job to be with him. She said she had spoke about it with him and how the two would have to respect if one or the other got a partner. I get it I really do, I understand they are all gonna have to tour together, write songs together and even sleep in the same bloody hotel room. Im not worried shes going to run off with him....its him. He obviously still has feeling for her, I know I cant control how he feels but part of me think she enjoys the attention. She enjoys having someone crave after her, and how it will come to part that two men with fight over her inevitability.
Its almost like he cant let go of the past because of the situation he is in, I feel for the guy at times I honestly do. Ive been in his shoes before, but the fact of the matter is this is bang out of order.
How on earth do I go about this one. Its the most awkward relationship ive been in, I cant tell her to see him less because she literally cant. Am I just gonna have to come to terms he is always going to be there?, its going to build up inside me this anger though and Im just gonna end up snapping sooner or later.
Any tips or anything would be massively helpfull.
cheers for reading the rant
L
Im currently at the 1 month mark with my new partner. Its been amazing and ive honestly had the "shes the one feeling". Im 24 and shes 27.
For her job she works as a band manager. The label that she works for has a few bands but the one she manages has her ex boyfriend as the drummer. She didnt want to be with him anymore and so split with him 18 months ago after dating for 8 months, ever since then they have still been great friends but also for the bands sake kept things going.
Along comes little me haha. At first I couldnt have gave two shits that he was around, I was mature enough not to get jealous and the fact of the matter was, she broke it off with him so if she wanted to be with him then she would. But this past week has really started to get on my nerves.
I went to watch her perform a gig on thursday, where they played together and sang some flippin love song he had wrote about their situation together (she does a bit of gigging as well). Saturday night he was around for the movie night with the rest of the band and sunday he even came to the friggen pictures with us and a few other pals (and sat next to her).
I mentioned on Saturday It was really starting to bother me, she apologied but said obviously it was part of her job to be with him. She said she had spoke about it with him and how the two would have to respect if one or the other got a partner. I get it I really do, I understand they are all gonna have to tour together, write songs together and even sleep in the same bloody hotel room. Im not worried shes going to run off with him....its him. He obviously still has feeling for her, I know I cant control how he feels but part of me think she enjoys the attention. She enjoys having someone crave after her, and how it will come to part that two men with fight over her inevitability.
Its almost like he cant let go of the past because of the situation he is in, I feel for the guy at times I honestly do. Ive been in his shoes before, but the fact of the matter is this is bang out of order.
How on earth do I go about this one. Its the most awkward relationship ive been in, I cant tell her to see him less because she literally cant. Am I just gonna have to come to terms he is always going to be there?, its going to build up inside me this anger though and Im just gonna end up snapping sooner or later.
Any tips or anything would be massively helpfull.
cheers for reading the rant
L
0
Comments
This situation seems really tricky and frustrating. It's inevitable that this will start getting more on your nerves, as he seems to be around a lot.
It's really good that you've spoken to her about this already, and it seems like she understands why this can be awkward. How you feel about him constantly being a part of your lives is something you should be able to open up to her about regularly. That's not to say every niggling feeling needs to be expressed (that's why we're here!) but letting her know this is something that is making you uncomfortable at times is your right and can make your relationship stronger.
The hard part, as you say, is that she literally can't stop seeing him due to work. Are you and him getting on as friends? Do you get on well with the rest of the band and group? Does she make you feel important or a priority around everyone? It seems like if you are part of that group and respected by everyone as her boyfriend, then thats the first step forward.
It's amazing you found someone you could really consider being the one, and in a way it's still early days - with time things might feel more "normal" and might become your "new normal" as he becomes part of both your lives in general. Being patient and letting things fall into place naturally could be the way to go. As you said if she wanted to be with him she would be :yes: and the more he realises that too, the more he'll start to get over her and realise she's with you and wants to be. He might also eventually get a new girlfriend himself!
Good luck and do keep us updated *hug*
Thank you so much for your reply, it really cheered me up.
Yeah as you can imagine its such an awkward position to be in, I dont want to be that obsessive, controlling jealous boyfriend but I guess from time to time it will niggle at me. I think like you say the best thing is to let her know how I feel from time to time, Its always going to piss me off and I think it would be the same for any human on the planet.
Yeah I get on fantastically well with all of her friends and band members. Ive made the effort on more than one occasion to talk to him but I can still sense an air of un-easement. Funnily enough he was about to get into a relationship with a girl a few weeks back but sadly its all fell through. She really wanted it to happen as well, I think she wants him to move on and be happy but the situation forces him to stay in the past, she could see and chat to him a little less ill admit but if it keeps up ill speak to her about it.
Its pretty early days atm anyways so I think ill play it by ear for the moment, I think i just needed a good vent and this has been perfect. Next time I bring it up to her ill not hold back
Great attitude to have Lanister, you are really trying to be a good boyfriend by not pushing it and by being sensitive about it, but at the same time it's important for her to know how you feel
Do keep posting to let us know how things are going :yes: