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Finding it hard to hide my emotions
Hann
Posts: 3,434 Boards Guru
So yesterday I went clothes shopping with my mum in the Trafford Centre, and I was looking for some new tops to replace old ones when I noticed that the ones I wanted wasn't in my size. Especially in H&M where everything is XS or S... So I was annoyed and started swearing a lot calling every worker in the shop bastards. We then went to Dorothy Perkins and I had had enough of trying to find some plain tops. I started to feel really down and couldn't be bothered doing anything, and I think my mum started to notice. I know what I should really do, stop moaning and tell her what's going on, but I don't want to tell her because she will treat me different and start worrying about me. I honestly don't know what to do any more.
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It's really hard when you're trying to present a front to the world but you're worried someone can see through it. It sounds like that's kind of what's happening?
The idea of opening up to anyone, especially your mum must feel incredibly daunting. I can totally understand why you're worried about her treating you differently if you do tell her what's happening inside your head. It sounds like she cares about you, which is no bad thing.
I wonder what you think would happen if your mum did know and did worry a bit more? Would things be worse? The thoughts you're having are tough and must be really hard to deal with on your own. We all need some extra support from time to time, and, as your signature says, you certainly deserve some too
It would probably take some getting used to, but perhaps things would be better if you let her in? What do you think?
Yeah pretty much.
I know she cares...
I think that if she did find out and started to worry, then I would feel worse. I know that if I did tell her she would say "Why didn't I tell her sooner." It would just be like when she found out from the College Counsellor that my suicidal thoughts had come back, my mum was annoyed that I hadn't told her and that she had to find out by email from the College Counsellor. I know that I need support from all of this but I don't want my family involved in my personal issues. I would prefer to tell a random stranger on the streets than my own family, because I might never see that person again, with my family, I can't get away.
The thing is I don't want her to know, because I know she would end up telling someone about it, either my grandparents or her boyfriend and I especially don't want my grandparents finding out because my nana would start panicking and stressing out like she is already from my grandad. This is the thing I don't want her to know, I want to know how I can deal with it myself and whether I can or not.
Sorry if I'm being awkward about it...