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ED Relapse

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,

Not really looking for replies as I know most of you think I'm a 'bad' person, which is understandable.

I've relapsed into my Eating Disorder recently - over exercising and hardly eating. It's really getting to me now, and a few friends have mentioned their concern.

All my clothes are just too big now, and I look stupid when I go out - even all my dresses drown me.

I guess I don't know what I want people to tell me - I've tried asking for help - but no one wants to help me. I told them when I felt like I was relapsing that I need some support, but as usual I was pushed to the side.

It's making me lose people I love - and the secrecy of lying that 'I've eaten' is making my closest friends angry, and disappointed...

I just don't know what to do.

Comments

  • JamesJames Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey Sophie,

    Nice to see you back posting :)

    It sounds like things are perhaps beginning to spiral a little bit? It's great that you have friends who care about you and I can imagine that the thought of losing them by not being completely honest about your ED is pretty scary.

    You say you've tried asking for help - who have you talked to already? The fact that you used the word 'relapse' implies that you've fought this before, and won. What kinds of things helped you last time? Might the same things help again now?

    Let us know how you're doing :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey James,

    Totally tried replying last night with my massive essay and it didn't post!

    Thank you for replying :)

    Yeah just a bit, it's like I don't want to stop until someone believes that I am struggling and that I have relapsed and not "putting it on"

    I've asked the mental health team, told them that I've relapsed and really need support cos it feels stronger. Tried the GP as well but she just phones the mh team now :/

    I don't know what helped me last time, I think it's because I wanted to get better for Jane, but now I want to be thinner before I see her again :(


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  • JamesJames Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Argh, it's so annoying when you spend ages typing something out only for it to disappear! If you can work up to it again, feel free to post another essay :) (maybe try writing it on notepad or word first?)

    You say that it does feel a bit like a cycle - you don't want to stop until someone recognises that you're struggling. It must be a really horrible feeling, and I can see why it might feel like no-one cares.

    Really well done on contacting the mental health team and your GP though. Asking for help can be hard, especially if we think the response won't exactly be positive. When you spoke to the mh team, what did they say? If they didn't respond as you hoped, is there anyone there that you feel a connection with?

    It sounds like Jane is a powerful force in your life, and it's great that thinking about her helped you last time. What do you think she would say to you now if she could read this thread?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is! I was on my phone as laptop was elsewhere when I posted so didn't think to copy it just incase! D'oh!

    Yeah exactly that!

    They basically told me to ''try and eat'' and ''don't exercise as much'' but I HAVE to exercise. I can't miss the days I've planned - I even ran with a pulled muscle :/

    I only connect with Jane and she knows how much I've relapsed - I want to get better for her - but in other ways I don't want to get better I want the help that I apparently deserve. Jane would just tell me how worried she is and try to comfort me.
  • JamesJames Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Glad posting worked this time - technology's great when it actually does what we want it to!

    When you say you 'have to' exercise, do you think it's because you're trying to achieve something (like weight loss/fitness etc.) or because you're worried about what would happen if you don't? (or something else?) It sounds a bit like you don't feel you have much control over things at the moment - is that fair?

    It's great you have someone like Jane who clearly cares and you can connect with. She sounds very supportive. You say in some ways you don't want to get better but do want help (which you do deserve by the way). Do you think that if/when you get the support you're looking for, that will help you want to get better too?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Soph,

    I can't think of anything right now to add to everything JPick has said but I just wanted to offer hugs *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aye James, the boy is helping a lot but it means I'm still restricting. He doesn't let me exercise a lot, which is hard for me cos he basically lives with me now :/ x


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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