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Really struggling..

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hii,

I know I don't really have a right to post on here but I can't cope anymore..

I told my mother yesterday that I was really struggling to eat, and that I did want help before it was to late... Like this was a massive thing for me to do and her words to me where.. Pardon the language 'I hope your fucking happy, your noting but a fuck up! Why can't you be like your brother and sister's would it be to much to have a normal child.I hope your happy you have destroyed Christmas'. That being said I spent the rest of the day in my room, to scared to leave. She came back to my room a few hours later and threw my present at me and said 'Here fatty'... I took this and put it in the front room to where I seen that the room was covered with stuff for the girls and my brother.. I looked for my pile which was no where to be seen so I asked mother where mine where to go, her answer was ' You don't have a pile we arnt spending Christmas with a loser like you'.

Me and my Mother have always had issues, and I have always been treated different from my other sister's and brother, I think as I have gotten older I have just noticed it more. A friend of mine has even noticed it..Some of the stuff she does come out with it's just horrible, I have heard it that often that I have now started to believe it, which I know is not the right thing to do, but I hear it every day from her and it is hard not to believe it.

My father's health has just gotten worse. He's doing his best to stay positive and show that it's not bothering him but deep down I know it's affecting him more than he's letting on.

This is the first Christmas without my nana being here, It's harder than I ever thought it would be. I just want her back, that's selfish of me I know. But she believed in me, She encouraged me to go for things, never put me down or made me feel worthless.

I just don't know what to do.. I'm sorry for posting this here I really am.Sorry for bothering you's all.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't apologise. You're not bothering us at all and you have every right to post on here.

    I'm so sorry to hear about the way your mum reacted, that's not fair at all.

    I don't really know what to say, I just wanted to offer you hugs and let you know that we are listening and we do care *hug*

    Is there anyone else you could spend today with?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Suzyg :wave:

    First up, butterfly is absolutely correct. You have no need to apologise. TheSite is precisely to give anyone the space to talk about what they're facing. You're not bothering us at all, we're all here to listen and support you.

    I'm really sorry to hear what happened with your mum. It must have taken loads of courage to tell her how much you're struggling at the moment and to say that you want help. You should be really proud of yourself for making that step.

    It must have been really difficult to get the reaction from her that you did. We all reasonably expect our parents to show us unconditional love, so it's often really shocking when they don't. And it's no surprise that, as you say, you start to believe it. It can really lower someone's self-esteem.

    I know this can be easier said than believed, but you're worth it. You are a unique, individual and special person, who deserves the best from life. You say a friend of yours has started to notice how your mum treats you differently from your brother and sisters. Perhaps you could try talking to your friend about how it makes you feel?

    I know today may not be the best day you've ever had, with everything you're going through with your mum, your dad's illness and the loss of your nana. But whatever happens, remember we're here for you. If it all gets too much, excuse yourself for a while so you can get some space and post on here to let us know how you're getting on.

    And above all, just remember that you're worth it, regardless of what anyone says.

    Big virtual hugs! *hug*

    Will @ TheSite.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Me again.. Sorry

    We are only after having what is ment to be the family dinner, younger sisters said that 'Mummy can't stand to look at you anymore and your to make your own dinner' I'm not making my own dinner and debating at the moment do I even want to be in this house anymore... No one appears to really care... Why should I, I should just do everyone and just leave.. Sorry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry to hear you've having such a horrendous day. No-one deserves to go through what you're going through, especially at Christmas.

    I noticed you said Suzy that no-one cares. We care here on TheSite, and it seems to me that your friend who you mentioned in your first post cares as well.

    You say you want to get out of the house. That can be a really helpful thing to do when it all gets too much. Do you have any friends you could go and visit or meet somewhere? Even if it's just for an hour, it sounds like it could do you good to get away from it all for a while.

    Do keep letting us know how you're getting on.

    I think you deserve more big virtual hugs! *hug*

    Will.
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,167 The Mix Elder
    You don't need to say sorry lovely. We are here whenever you need to chat :)

    I am sorry to hear what is going on for you, could you maybe chat to your mum? We care about you, and we always will.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First thing's first, I just want to thank you all for your answers, I'm shocked... I never expected anyone to answer, so thank you all.

    A few hours after posing the response I ended up walking out of the house and spent the last 4 hours outside in -3 temperatures... Once I came back home again for the fact that I was really cold and scared, No one noticed I was gone, No one has come near me at all... I'm pretty much invisible.

    My friend pretty much told me to Fuck off and leave her alone, So that's like my only face to face support gone... The online sites that I do have for support have threatened to ban me if I don't cheer up, If I could I would.

    I'm sorry for bothering you's with all this. I feel horrible for doing it :(
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,167 The Mix Elder
    Its okay. We care about you. Its good that you have come back to post. :-)

    Sorry to hear that you was outside for that amount of time. And that nobody noticed you when you came back in. Could you maybe talk to your family, maybe like a house meeting type thing to let them know your worries. You shouldnt be feeling like this lovely.

    That doesnt sound supportive of your friend. And I am sorry she said that. Sometimes things are said in the heat of the moment and people dont mean what they have said. I hope your friend comes round and you get talking again. <3

    And for websites to say that doesnt sound like the thing you need to be hearing. You wont be banned on here dont worry and you can talk about things you dont have to be "happy" all the time.

    Your not bothering us lovely. Dont worry :)



    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No one has noticed yet... It's amazing to see how much they all care like...It would have been better if I never went home, Would have been better if I just walked around town in the hope that someone seen me and cared..

    Only after tearing into my arm... I broke my last promise to my Nana... What kind of Granddaughter am I.. A stupid failure!!

    I feel really sick now not eat anything in 3/4 days... Ate half an apple and burst out in tears...Like what the hell is wrong with me?!? Why can't I just be like everyone else? But no I just have to be this stupid twat who no one cares about!

    Sorry :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Please, please, please stop apologising . You have every right to post on here and it's great that you feel you can. We want to listen, and I want to point out that if we didn't want to reply then we wouldn't, but we are replying to you because we do care about you.

    You are not a failure. You told your mum about you're issues around eating, that is such a brave and amazing step to take towards getting yourself the support you deserve and I'm so sorry to hear it didn't go the way that you hoped it would.

    I'm sorry to hear about what your friend said too. Have you asked her why she said the things that she said? If not, do you think you could?

    Do you think you could talk to your gp about your problems with eating, if you haven't already? Reaching out to your mum for support shows how truly brave you are, so I think you could talk to your gp, if you haven't already. I know you didn't get the reaction and support you were hoping for from your mum, but please try not to let you stop this from seeking support from other people. Doctors will not judge you.

    You're not alone suzy, you will always have us.

    I hope you're feeling a little better *hug*
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,167 The Mix Elder
    Hey Suzy, How are you feeling today?

    Just wanted to echo everything that butterfly has said, and also offer you some more hugs.

    You are not a failure at all, you are dealing with lots of difficult things, doesn't mean your a failure.

    Have you seen this article about relapsing, it could help you.

    We do care about you on here and want you to be okay.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm always doing thing's wrong so I guess saying sorry just come's out without meaning to...

    They are all only after noticing that I'm home about 5/10 mins ago.... Was told that I'm a fat fucker and that I would have been better off not coming home... So I don't even know anymore...

    I feel worse then what I did yesterday, I'm at the point now where I see no point in this anymore... I can't help but think that everyone would be happier if I just left and went elsewhere. Then they could be a real family.

    As with my arm.. Mother seen it accidentally when I went to pick something up she started to laugh and said 'Oh the fuck up has fucked up once again surprise surprise'

    I ended up going to my GP about 3/4 months back for a different matter, and we touched upon the topic of me not eating, he just thought it was a teenager thing and left it at that. My course leader has threatened to remove me from the course if I don't start eating again, I love the course I'm doing and I don't want to be removed from it...
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,167 The Mix Elder
    Your not doing anything wrong by posting on here. I am sorry to hear how your feeling today.

    You shouldn't have to listen to being called things like that. You have every right to be happy and safe in your home.

    I can assure you that you haven't messed anything up, you relapsed it doesn't mean you are a mess up, your mum doesn't sound very supportive. Could you maybe talk to her, or get somebody else to talk to her on your behalf?

    Threats to remove you from the course don't sound good, could you talk to somebody at your school/college about the problems you are having, often when we explain how things are, people understand more and can offer you that support. It sounds to me like the course is something that helps you, and it would be a shame for you to lose that.

    Keep posting lovely
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To just make everything even better me mother's now taken my phone and my iPod off me for being 'A fat selfish cow'

    I have spoken to people before after I ended up passing out in collage due to not eating, They just said that it's up to me, If I don't eat then I'm off the course, I have the same problem with my knee to. I'm waiting for an operation on it. Collage have given me 10 day's after having major surgery to be back in the fittest of health and able to carry on with my placement. If I can't be back after the 10 day's then I'm off the course..

    I love the course, I'm doing what I want to do, and I am happy doing that, I don't want to have to leave it cause of this, but somehow I see me being put off it.. Sorry
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,167 The Mix Elder
    Sorry that your mum has done that, she doesn't sound supportive at all. *hugs*

    It also doesn't sound like your college are supporting you. It makes me sad to hear how unsupported you are, and you shouldn't have to feel that way.

    We are always going to be here for you, I know it's online and we can't help much in the way of getting you offline support but if talking on here helps you then carry on.

    I think you should talk to somebody higher in your college, maybe somebody higher than your tutor cos they can't be like that with you. Can you maybe get a doctors note?
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just to like update on this... My dad's just been rushed back into hospital again... I just don't know what to do....Sorry :(
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,167 The Mix Elder
    Really sorry to hear about your dad *hugs*

    If you want to talk about anything we are here for you.

    <3
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Daddy's doing ok. He's in the best possible place for him at the moment and that's the main thing right?

    I have like just been over come with a real seance of Panic... And I don't know what to do... I have just like become really panicky and nothing I can do will like get me out of it.. Sorry :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry to hear about your dad, I'm glad he's doing okay. He is in the best place he could be and that is the main thing *hug*

    Could you go to the doctors? You're going through a lot and I think you need some extra support.
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,167 The Mix Elder
    Im really not sure what to say. But wanted to offer you some hugs.

    I agree with butterfly. You deserve support. You shouldnt have to deal with things on your own. And we are always here for you. Stay strong

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
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