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My girlfriend and clubbing

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
My girlfriend is really into clubbing and I hate it. She keeps asking me to go, but I refuse knowing that I will not enjoy it.

Recently she told me that some guy tried to 'finger her' whilst clubbing. She was totally open and cool about telling me. My initial reaction was shock but not really anger against her since she was so open about telling me. Afterwards I am starting to wonder how she got herself in this situation.

Before this I've read messages on her phone and facebook where she has contacted guys she's met on a night out. Nothing that suggests she is cheating but things that I didn't want to see (like guys asking if she is coming out tonight, and 'how did she find him on facebook'). I did get mad at this, she said that she enjoys the company of men more than other women. Fair enough?! She has also told me about guys who are flirting with her over texts and facebook.

She's also told me that she is a bit jealous when she sees people 'making out' in the club, and that's one reason she would like me to go so we can get drunk and 'make out'. I can't remember exactly what she said the last time she mentioned it but it sounded very thinly veiled that if I didn't go then she might not be able to help herself with another man (that she was the only one who was never 'making out').

I'm usually a pretty paranoid person in relationships and hearing these kind of things is making it difficult for me not to get mad, not to push her for detail, and not to want to dump her. We've been together for 4 years but we don't live together.

Am I being totally unreasonable here?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey spinxo,

    I don't think you're being unreasonable. Do you still love her?

    It sounds to me like she's trying to be a little controlling, and saying all of these things to get you to go clubbing. Or maybe she just wants you to be jealous, maybe she likes the attention, I'm not sure.

    I know what it's like, I hate clubbing. I've never been and I never plan on going as I know I won't enjoy it. Don't let her push you into something you really don't want to do.

    It sounds like there are a few trust issues now and this is never good in a relationship. Have you tried having a chat with her about how all of this is making you feel? If not do you think you could try?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If your girl is quite good looking and/or has a nice enough body on her then she's gonna catch guys eyes wherever she goes, whether that's in a club or just wandering down the high street on a shopping trip. Only problem here is in a club a lot of the guys will be under the influence of alcohol so there is a chance they might try dancing with her, or even making out with her. What's for sure is they will approach and talk to her!

    The main issue here is trust. If you have full faith in her that she won't respond to any of the attention etc, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about mate. However if you have any doubts I wouldn't dismiss them by telling yourself you're just being paranoid because in most cases there is a reason you are feeling that way.

    I'd ask her nicely, why she gets jealous of people making out in the club, when she can make out with you at any other time when she's not in the club. I would also possibly ask why she feels the need to go out clubbing so much when she's in a relationship, because the vast majority of people clubbing are singles looking to meet someone new or look to pull another guy/girl. You rarely find people in relationships, especially long term relationships, regularly going out clubbing.. Unless of course they're out with their partners.

    Here if you want any advice! :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you considered that the reason she was so open about the "fingering" is because she had nothing to hide over the matter? I'd be more worried if she hadn't told you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At the risk of sounding like a bit of a twat, and what with it being only my second post and all, why don't you guys go for a drink sometime and see where the night takes you?

    You might end up clubbing, you might not. But it's an alternative that could lead you to all kinds of places where you're out in a social setting where you can dance and be intimate but not be in a club with the top 40 on a continuous loop! :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In our country their are so many rules and risks comparing to yours, anyway my advice is give a try and see. Recently I falled in love with a girl on facebook but when asked to meet her she has blocked to me, so it is a waste of time that I chatted for a year.

    Sometimes may go positive and sometimes negative, good luck for you.
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