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Not being depressed v. being happy
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Life just seems to keep getting harder. I keep waiting for it to improve, I keep doing things that should help and looking after myself, but I still just keep seeing other people "find themselves", knowing what they want to do, having relationships and becoming happier, but nothing ever seems to change for me. I struggle with major depression, but even when I'm not going through an episode I'm never really happy. I guess you'd call it dysthymia. I'm doing all the things to help me to recover, but how do I get rid of this underlying feeling that everything is meaningless? When do I start actually living life and enjoying life and when does this empty feeling go away? I am doing all the right things, but everything has an underlying feeling of pointlessness.
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I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling *hug*
I know you are saying you are finding it hard to be happy along with your depression which sounds like a struggle for you but the major step you are taking is that you are dealing with it and doing everything you can to get help :thumb:
Are you on any medication? I'm not an expert on this but I know some meds do something to people's moods. What kind of support are you receiving?
Do you go to college or work? What are your aspirations? Sorry if I am asking you too many questions.
purple_rain
Sorry to hear you're struggling, it sounds like you have an awful lot to deal with, but you're not alone a massive well done for coming on here and posting about it. Purple_Rain has said most of it, just really wanted to offer you a virtual *hug*.
I generally can relate to how you feel, and I know how difficult it is, watching other people succeed, while you think everything's meaningless, but then, keeping that train of thought won't really help. Have you thought about joining sports clubs, or like your local gym, I have goal weights, and becoming better in certain fields in sport, as well as taking on another new language (Which is hard and frustrating at times - But I've made goals for myself).
Are you currently in any form of therapy or medication? It sounds as though you could do with a support barrior around you. As it seems impossible getting rid of the feeling in one day, but then it could be due to how much you're doing per day. How do you often fill your weeks?
Best wishes,
Angel
I'm not on medication, but I am seeing a therapist (we do Cognitive Analytic Therapy). I get on well with her and am finding it helpful. I'm in my last year of university studying psychology and I want to go into clinical (ironic I know). I fill my time up with lots of extra curricular activities, so it's not that I'm not occupied or socialising.
Everyone else appears to be in relationships though and/or doing exciting things, which I wish I could have. I'm not happy with the way I look, but because I struggle with BED any focus on changing it through food or exercise just makes first that and then the depression worse, to the point where I become suicidal. So it seems like it's either try and change and become suicidal, or stay the same but never really be happy. I want a relationship, but no one is going to want me like this and I want to explore things, like go travelling, but my physical fitness isn't exactly great and I have health problems (my main issue being eczema, which sounds minor, but to keep on top of it I have to shower every morning and apply various creams, so no access to those would be a problem) so I don't know how I would deal with that if I did travel.
I guess I just feel trapped in watching everyone else have what I want but not being able to do them myself. Then there is just this underlying feeling of pointlessness to everything, which is probably related in that all these other things - acadmic, extra curricular - can only get me so far as they still don't fulfill what I want.
I'm doing everything else that I can do, but I just feel like I'm not moving forward.