Self harm :(

Since being to a&e two weeks ago and asked to do an ECG because I was having palpitations I had to take my jacket of and I hadn't worn a longer top and was getting looks from people. The nurse asked me what she saw were marks on my arm but I had made up an excuse saying it was my cats that scratched me but you could clearly see scaring. I don't know how I've ended up self harming in the first place. I think it's been going on since August and eating at me since then. I've felt like my arm is to numb now to stop or to feel anything. Some of my other posts on here have lead me to doing this. Such as eating disorder, people giving up on me, friends leaving and not caring. People not talking to me and keeping myself isolated. Also being refused treatment which is what I want to do to get better. It has taken me a lot of strength to post on here for support because I haven't actually told anyone apart from my connexion advisor on the phone and breaking down on the phone because I haven't got the fight left in me anymore to do anything. Also I have not told my parents or anyone because I will be judged and that is another story even telling them. Medication doesn't really work and I feel even more giddy.