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Feeling like a waste of space
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
For a few weeks now i've been feeling deeply unfulfilled. I feel I do nothing of any real value and i'm not getting better so i feeling like likelihood that i will in the future isn't great. I'm not well enough to work, I'm still trying to work out if i'm well enough to do an MA before i apply, but if i'm not, what next? I don't get out much and when I do its not much further than the supermarket. When i am here on my own i'm getting stupidly lonely. I'm getting depressed too, and i've spoken to a CPN and they've stuck me on waiting list for EMDR, but nothing in the meanwhile. I've joined local clubs and stuff but if i don't have the energy to go and someone to take me, I'm stuffed. I really don't like what i see in the mirror, I've put on weight since getting ill but don't have the stamina to lose it. I really don't know what to do. Im starting to see no point in getting out of bed anymore.
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Have you tried one of these ?
http://vbulletin.thesite.org/showthread.php/155251-The-look-what-I-ve-made-2013-thread?p=2490923#post2490923
Sorry, couldn't resist.
I don't really have any practical advice, except to say you're not alone. Well you are, that's one of the problms
I'm in a similar situation. I dont go out because i don't want to go out (agro/socio/do-dah phobia type thing), coz i'm fat and not that attractive (that one really hit me the other day), i have limited mobility and am in pain a lot and quite frankly i'm a cunt when i'm out. I get scared/stressed>>>i get angry>>>i do/say cunty things, vicious cycle type thing so the way to break it is not go out.
I speak to nobody about anything. I have Leigh of course, but he doesn't understand and when i do talk about what's in my head, he looks lost and hurt like a 5 year old who's just been told he's not going to Disneyland tomorrow. So i just don't say anything and pretend everything's rosy even though my stoopid fucking brain won't shut the fuck up and talking at me.
Are there any charities concerned with your illness ? and if so do they do social support. THT do the buddy thing, but when i had them i didnt see them that often, maybe once or twice a month, but its free and at least something. Maybe take you to something ? There was also a charity called Adulum (cunts) who gave you 'social support' through your housing benefit. They were shit though. They were a 'just released from prison' charity who tacked on the AIDS boys as a source of income. Housing benefit paid them £74 a week (this was 10 years ago or so) and i got, drum roll please, 90 minutes a fucking month ! 90 minutes for in excess of £300, which was diverted to the main part of their charity.
Is there anythng you can do the day(s) before you go to some social do to conserve your energy ?
Fibromyalgia isn't well enough known and its contentious because so many people still think ME & fibro are yuppie flu. There's no funding for research let alone social support. And Gloucestershire seems like a black hole for charity support!
It sounds like you're stuck in a bit of a viscous circle right now. When you're in a lot of pain and you have no energy it's not surprising that you don't feel motivated *hug*
I just did a bit of searching and I found a couple of sites that list support groups for Fibromyalgia:
Fibromyalgia Association
UK Fibromyalgia - this one links directly to the page of groups in the South West, there are quite a few.
I don't know if you've investigated these before, but just in case they're of use.
With the MA, maybe you should just apply and then see nearer the time if you feel well enough to do it? If you don't apply and then regret it you'll have to wait another year.
Ive had a fair bit of contact with them, local groups are just a moaning competition, or into campaigning on a national level. Support doesn't really come into it, people just say "oh you're so young to have fibro" because the majority of people with it are over 50.
I really feel stuck. I keep trying to talk to friends, and even my CPN didn't really get it tbh...
It's good that you're trying to make family and friends realise what it's like - keep trying... they should be supporting you through this *hug*
Why don't you learn a new language? I appreciate that might be a kind of geeky thing that you might not be into, but even if I just learn a tiny bit or a few words, I find it really satisfying and it always makes me feel a little bit better about myself.
Btw, where do you live in the Westocuntry? I'm in Plymouth so I dunno how near that is to you.
I've been trying to learn German for years and struggle. I've got a load of things which are on my list to learn, and I want to put some time into it, but I don't always have that much mental energy. But it's something for me to do.
Big hugs.
Rg x