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How can I be okay with being alone?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Everything seems to be a constant reminder that I'm not in a relationship and never had been. No one else around me seems to have a problem finding people and so many conversations are talking about everyone else's love life. I don't want reassurances that it will happen, I just want to know how to deal with the situation as it is now and stop letting it get to me so much. When I'm alone it just reminds me that I don't have anyone. One of my housemates has a boyfriend and the other seems to hop from one guy to the next with ease and they both talk about it a lot. I want to be able to accept myself and the situation as it is now and focus on doing the things that I want to do and the person I want to be without constantly wishing it was different. But I don't know how! Can anyone help?
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But ive seen worse, some of my friends have kids so they cant go out anywhere but I can go and enjoy myself anytime I want or just go for walks to clear my head. It does get lonely but spending time spoiling yourself or doing new things helps
It's a hard question to answer when we think of accepting being alone. It's completely normal to feel lonely at times *hug* and like you say, you want to accept your situation yet there are constant reminders of what you feel you are missing.
Do you have friends or family you feel able to talk to this about? Have you tried meeting new people? Or perhaps going out with friends to encourage meeting someone? Online dating could also be an option to meet partners.
For some people, making a list of the pros of being single can help, as well as a list of why you should accept yourself, using all your qualities. It seems like confidence is affecting you, and if you are more able to believe in yourself, more people will too.
And the following poem:
Love After Love
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
Derek Walcott
The best way to deal with being alone is to work on enjoying your own company. You are able to do anything you want to do, when you want to do it, without having to consider someone else's feelings (to the same extent as you would with a partner, anyway.)
The other thing is to recognise all the love that you do receive. There will be people who love having you in their life - when you're feeling alone it's good to remind yourself of these.
On a practical note, what do you do with yourself? Do you have activities that you can complete when on your own? Do you craft of any kind? Play an instrument? Have you got any study or goals you want to set and achieve?