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Help!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
My boyfriend told me last night that his ex-girlfriend has approached him to say that she is pregnant. He is most likely the father, although she did sleep with someone else after they split up (I'm clued up on DNA tests to prove paternity etc). She has been pretty much silent since their breakup until now about this, and the baby is due in July. They're not on good terms and she wants him to have nothing to do with it, but I have a feeling he wants to have more than just a financial input into its life.

He is understandably, completely messed up over the whole situation, and I was wondering if anybody else out there has experience in this that they can share.

I want him, regardless of the baggage that inevitably comes with parenthood, and I have told him that I will be there for him if he wants me.

I just want a bit of a heads up on how I can support him without putting pressure on him. I'm doing some background reading on his rights and responsibilities, so that I can help him if he wants it, but I don't know how to let him know I'm here for him without sounding pushy.

I don't want him to feel he has to tell me everything because it's between him and his ex, but I do want him to know that we have to communicate. I don't want to lose him over this and I know it's going to be really difficult while he comes to terms with it, I just don't want there to be a wall between us that prevents us from being honest with each other.

He has already told me he doesn't want to break up with me, but obviously it's a massive amount of information to take in as there are so many things to think about.

I don't want to stick my oar in, but I want him to know I've got his back, is there anything more I can do to show it?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Heyy

    well-done for posting this and welcome to the boreds :). sorry to hear about whats going on beetween u. just keep talking to yours. about it all and iam sure u all get threw it togeather and sort it-self out. something u just have to accpect it.

    here is a link might help u
    http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/couples

    this might help u about pregncey
    http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/familyandfriends/pregnancy

    reashingships
    http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/couples/relationshipissues

    heres a good one to help u about safe sex
    http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/safersex

    keep us posted:D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi LushChick and welcome to TheSite boards!

    This must be a massive shock for both you and your boyfriend - unplanned pregnancies are hard to deal with when people are still together, so when they aren't it can become very complicated.

    But that doesn't mean it can't work out. And it sounds like you've got a really mature attitude to the situation, so I'm sure you can all make this work. Your boyfriend is lucky to have such a caring and supportive partner who is willing to go out of her way to understand and help.

    I think you're right to try and give him some space. You say that he doesn't get on brilliantly with his ex, so it could become tricky for them to sort all the details out. If it does, try not to get overly involved - just be there to listen and support him when he needs it.

    It might be worth talking to him (when he's had more time to get his head round the situation!) about how he sees you fitting in. For example, will he expect you to be present when he has visits from the baby? Equally, you'll need to think about whether you would like to be present.

    There is a lot to think about, but the main thing to do at the moment is be there for him to talk to so he knows that you support him in his decisions.

    Let us know how things develop :)
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