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Relapse, and fail, vicious cycle.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have posted a few threads on here. I hope people don't get angry or annoyed that I seem to posting what seems like the same threads a lot of the time.
Okay so recently I have been feeling quite emotional, I don't sleep much, and like everyday I pretend everything is okay. And it's draining both physically and emotionally.
The s/h and overdosing is getting worse, everyday pretty much. I speak to the Samaritans, they help me a lot, and I feel better for talking to them, however I tend to contact them when the damage is already done.
I feel like I have got myself into a cycle and I don't know how to get out of it. I hate myself so much. I have a family who even though we may not always get along, I love them, and I have a job that I love. I am volunteering, which I love. So why do I feel this way? Am I just being selfish? I don't know anymore.
I really need to try and sort my life out. I just don't know which way to go.
The s/h has been a part of me for years now, and I don't think I will feel safe without it. Its comfort to me.
Thanks for taking the time to read this x
Okay so recently I have been feeling quite emotional, I don't sleep much, and like everyday I pretend everything is okay. And it's draining both physically and emotionally.
The s/h and overdosing is getting worse, everyday pretty much. I speak to the Samaritans, they help me a lot, and I feel better for talking to them, however I tend to contact them when the damage is already done.
I feel like I have got myself into a cycle and I don't know how to get out of it. I hate myself so much. I have a family who even though we may not always get along, I love them, and I have a job that I love. I am volunteering, which I love. So why do I feel this way? Am I just being selfish? I don't know anymore.
I really need to try and sort my life out. I just don't know which way to go.
The s/h has been a part of me for years now, and I don't think I will feel safe without it. Its comfort to me.
Thanks for taking the time to read this x
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Sorry to hear ur feeling so bad *hugs*
As a way to remind yourself to call Samaritans before any damage is done could u stick post it notes around? Maybr saying call samaritans before actions, or think first before actions if u dont want people reading them and seeing that u talk to samaritans, and then if anyone did question u about post it notes saying think first before actions u could just say u thought it was a really good quote and wanted to write it down? But using the post it notes could just give u that reminder to try calling samaritans first
Also have u ever spoken to anyone apart from Samaritans about how u are feeling?
Luckystarr x
Only people online. And kinda spoke to my doctor. But she doesnt know everything. I wont tell her everything
Are ulcers a sign of being like down, stressed etc. A massive ulcer has just came up in my mouth. Its big and very painful. Bonjela it is.
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And maybe if u dont feel like speaking to ur doctor about it u could make an appointment and write down all the issues and then give that to her? Or do to the same for someone else u trust
Seriously given up with doctors... My mouth hurts
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Just start talking again, or you'll get nowhere.
I can understand and fully empathise with your situation with regards to not opening up to someone. It's horrible when you feel you can trust someone, you tell them and then you don't get the help you need or want or someone breaks your trust.
However, without talking - it is very difficult for you to receive the support you need.
Having been there myself - I understand that feeling of being torn between wanting help but not wanting to talk - as I'm sure many others have. I guess whats helped me is weighing up the situation and asking myself "What do I have to lose if I was to tell my counsellor/GP/family member, etc this?"
In what way did telling your GP make things worse?? Maybe at your next appointment you could say "I really would like your support to help me move forwards but I am struggling to open up to you fully because..." I am certain GP's are more than used to seeing patients who are anxious, etc and from experience being honest with my counsellor about why I wouldn't open up meant that she was better able to help me in the longer-term.
*hug* xxx
Hope things are looking a little better for you today?
Lots of good advice from others here already, but I just wanted to pick up on your comments about all the good things in your life. Sometimes it's hard to understand why we feel down when someone looking in at your life would think you had nothing to feel bad about - but life's not always as simple as that. Feeling depressed doesn't always relate to crappy things going on in our lives - sometimes it's just the way our brain is functioning.
You say you've talked to your doctor, but not told them the whole story. I know it's really hard walking in to a clinical room and having to talk about your innermost feelings in a ten-minute slot, but if there's any way you can start to be more honest then your doctor may be able to help you more.
Also, if you don't feel like your current doctor is helping (or is even making things worse) then you are well within your rights to ask to see someone else.
I'm no health professional, but often, the kind of feelings you have described (feeling constantly low, despite lots of 'good' things in your life) mean that medication may help. You say you're taking meds - are they helping at all? If not then it may be a good idea to talk to your GP about the possibility of finding something more suitable for you?
It's also really positive that you're using Samaritans and finding it helpful. Try not beat yourself up about contacting them 'too late' - the main thing is that you're reaching out for support, and recognising that you need it. :thumb:
Thank you so much for the reply. well I am not very sure how it made things worse. I just had a feeling and like I knew I shouldn't of mentioned anything. I am sorry that doesn't make any sense at all..
Honestly, I don't think I would see my doctor much. I don't anyway... Because I skip appointments. I am stupid, and I know I shouldn't..
Im okay just work is crazy busy, and like Im not sleeping so pretty tired.
Yeah I take my meds when I remember to take them. I need to take them for a week straight and see if I notice any difference. Ive not been taking them properly to be honest. Which I know is stupid, but like I say I am stupid.
I just don't know what to suggest anymore
It does make sense - I think I understand what you mean. Maybe if you don't feel your getting the support you need, you could arrange another appt and explain that your current meds/support system isn't working? At the end of the day, your GP has a duty of care to you and will want to support you in the best way possible...but it does mean taking that first step again to talk about what you need...
Maybe mind-map some things and see if you can come to any conclusions?
How are you anyway ?
I'm okish - just struggling a little right now x
Here if you need a chat lovely
Thank you
Anytime lovely
I am going to be honest with the doctor all the time cause it helped a lot tonight. I am not going to counseling at the minute, because im still very undecided. But I am going to try my best to stay strong when things get tough.
I would just like to say a big thank you to everyone for your advice it helped me a lot.
I am truly greatful
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In terms of remembering your meds, maybe you could set an alarm on your mobile? You can also get those boxes where you put your meds in different sections for each day, that way you know whether you've already taken them that day or not!
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