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I don't know if I've fallen for him...?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have this "friend" who just so happens to be male ... at first we were just work colleagues but being a similar age we have built quite a solid friendship...but recently I have been questionning whether I actually want more and would like a relationship with him? My view point has always been "why ruin a perfectly good friendship by complicating it with a relationship"...but now I'm not so sure?
We spend time together outside of work - gym or dinner, etc - but we always have other friends around too - apart from the gym. I guess I'm not physically attracted to him, but I love his sense of humour, the fact he's kind, caring and considerate and generally I just love being around him.
I know this is also going to sound a bit odd but we've had conversations about what we want from life - children, marriage, careers, etc and we are both on the same wave length - we both want the same things.
I am really confused as to whether I just love him as a friend or if I'm genuinely falling for him. All my previous relationships have been mid-term/a bit of fun - nothing serious...then I decided to take a break from relationships to focus on my career.
However, due to everything else this year - I seem to be in the process of re-evaluating my whole life and my previous ambitions are not the same and I don't know how much of this "thing" for him is genuine or just me in a confused state...especially when he has been there a lot for me this year.
I guess my concern is not wanting to ruin our friendship if he doesn't feel the same way!?!
We spend time together outside of work - gym or dinner, etc - but we always have other friends around too - apart from the gym. I guess I'm not physically attracted to him, but I love his sense of humour, the fact he's kind, caring and considerate and generally I just love being around him.
I know this is also going to sound a bit odd but we've had conversations about what we want from life - children, marriage, careers, etc and we are both on the same wave length - we both want the same things.
I am really confused as to whether I just love him as a friend or if I'm genuinely falling for him. All my previous relationships have been mid-term/a bit of fun - nothing serious...then I decided to take a break from relationships to focus on my career.
However, due to everything else this year - I seem to be in the process of re-evaluating my whole life and my previous ambitions are not the same and I don't know how much of this "thing" for him is genuine or just me in a confused state...especially when he has been there a lot for me this year.
I guess my concern is not wanting to ruin our friendship if he doesn't feel the same way!?!
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Best I could come up with at the time for her, which with more thought still stands, is that if you've got a good friendship going on now, then he's probably not going anywhere fast - so give it some time and you'll maybe start to get consistent thoughts on the subject over time. Is it just an idea that comes up when you're bored/lonely, or is it constant?
More constant this week than it was last week, or more constant for the last 5 weeks than it was the time before that?
I'm pathetic about these things, but my tendancy would be to try and drift towards things becoming more 'datey' and see how they go, rather than asking him out outright.
:yes::thumb:
I think your right - I'll just see how this thing works out - if its meant to be it will happen on its own...
Honestly I think you may be confusing that sort of support with a romantic support, especially if you're in a sad and lonely place at the moment. If you're still feeling like this in 6-8 weeks maybe think about it more. If you like him as a friend but you're not excited by the idea of jumping his bones then perhaps you are getting things confused.
Equally though, if you do get a tingle down *there* when you think of his cheeky smile, definitely crack on.
If that sounds like a shit idea, you should probably ask him out now!
Life is indeed complicated sometimes!! It's good news though that it seems you have followed your feelings and they have led you to wanting more then friendship.
It's always tricky to share your feelings with a friend at the risk of losing them - are there any signs (like body language or things he says) on his part about his feelings for you? When you hang out, can some be considered dates? Does he ever ask you out alone and then friends end up joining you?
You could also try flirting and see how he responds? Perhaps it'll happen more naturally and develop gradually with time :yes:
Good luck and keep us updated
Nothing specific makes me think he feels the same way - other than when I discuss other guys being cute, etc - he kinda goes weirdly quiet and I can't make out whether thats because he feels awkward discussing hot guys or whether he's jealous...meh I dunno...
I think I'll just let it develop naturally if its going to...
He won't want to fuck up a friendship either, you know. If you wait for him to grab you you may be waiting quite some time.
I think you sound fairly certain now:-)
The test really is what I said before: do you get turned on when you think about fucking him?
AR: I never looked at him in that way before but I wouldn't say no...
Just the one member of the clergy actually.
The friend I mentioned previously had success with my suggestion of "lick his face and see what happens"