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Xmas
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm not really sure where this should go....
I just went to my works xmas party - the night ended in tears - mine - because every year I've been, my Dad's taken me and picked me up, he's just always been around and he always made xmas what it was...this year felt empty - he wasn't here to comment on my outfit and demand pics to be taken, he wasn't here to give me a lift, he just isn't here to make xmas what its always been and I'm really struggling - I never knew this would be so hard :crying:
I just went to my works xmas party - the night ended in tears - mine - because every year I've been, my Dad's taken me and picked me up, he's just always been around and he always made xmas what it was...this year felt empty - he wasn't here to comment on my outfit and demand pics to be taken, he wasn't here to give me a lift, he just isn't here to make xmas what its always been and I'm really struggling - I never knew this would be so hard :crying:
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All I can say at this point, is that as much as you have been upset by this, you're very upset because of the happy memories you have, and although they are making you sad now, you will be able to look back and remember the good things you had.
Change is always hard. Hope you had some fun bits between the tears though - and at least you didn't do anything disgraceful by the sounds of it
Sometimes you'll think you're over it, then you realise you aren't. You can go for months, and then come crashing down. You'll get used to it WL.
Lol - no nothing disgraceful! I was sober all night!
My five year anniversary of dad's death was on Monday, and this one was a bit shit for me this year. Did the whole getting annoyed at myself for being upset thing, though the enforced inactivity from a broken leg can't have helped!
But yeah, I'm on 16 years on Sunday, and still feel like a little bit of wank. It shouldn't be too bad I've got plans and a lovely, but it still sticks in my mind.
In teeny, tiny, bitesize chunks.
And would your Dad want you to feel this bad? Would he want you to give up, or would he want you to fight through, surmount these difficulties, and become a person who he could be even prouder of than he already was?
You are grieving. It's shit. But it doesn't last forever - and it certainly doesn't stay the same forever. Yes, it will change you - I'm still noticing things about me that have changed from going through this - but in general these changes are positive. It's certainly helped me to be a more compassionate, empathetic and supportive person who can actually talk about horrible shit like this - which is more than your average joe who hasn't really experienced much. I consider myself quite mature for someone of 27 years young! hehe.
Friendships can be rebuilt. New ones can be forged. I think the sense of change is the scariest thing about grieving. Your firsts of everything new are the most scary. Then they get better. You build your own ways of dealing with things.
Obviously I was in a very different position to you - and had a change of pretty much everything forced onto me about 10 months later. That was a lot to handle, so I'd step with caution if you think a change would fix everything.
But by all means start making plans to change things one step at a time.
:yes: And I don't think I really liked the environment...I think this time I won't just accept the first job I am offered...