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Mum and drink
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Tbh i wasn't too sure which to post this under cos it comes under drink, relationships and wellbeing. But well i guess i find it hard sometimes because of me mam and her drink..
Well both me parents have been drinkers as long as i can remember really, me dad was the worst and i was stopped being able to see him when i was younger. But with mum it was hard cos it was me who dealt with it, and then recently after talking to someone about it all we realised for a long time id been a young carer and i guess i've never really looked at it that way.
But well this is all stuff i've tried working on with counsellors and i know it will take a long time because of memories and stuff, but it gets me down as well.
When i think of me mam i just feel kinda hate, because she did this to me and she didn't care and still doesn't, and no matter how many people tell me its not her its the drink - i know but it still hurts, a lot.
It just makes me feel depressed quite a bit and exhausted an wanting me mam because i know i have that part of me who really needs someone, and the person who it should be doesn't feel the same.
The worst thing i find now if anything is feeling depressed a lot and lacking proper relationships and just feeling alone. If anyone has any ideas of coping mechanisms feel free to share them pleaseeeee
Well both me parents have been drinkers as long as i can remember really, me dad was the worst and i was stopped being able to see him when i was younger. But with mum it was hard cos it was me who dealt with it, and then recently after talking to someone about it all we realised for a long time id been a young carer and i guess i've never really looked at it that way.
But well this is all stuff i've tried working on with counsellors and i know it will take a long time because of memories and stuff, but it gets me down as well.
When i think of me mam i just feel kinda hate, because she did this to me and she didn't care and still doesn't, and no matter how many people tell me its not her its the drink - i know but it still hurts, a lot.
It just makes me feel depressed quite a bit and exhausted an wanting me mam because i know i have that part of me who really needs someone, and the person who it should be doesn't feel the same.
The worst thing i find now if anything is feeling depressed a lot and lacking proper relationships and just feeling alone. If anyone has any ideas of coping mechanisms feel free to share them pleaseeeee
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What an amazing step you've just taken to post so openly and honestly. It sounds like you've had to take on a lot of responsibility - both emotionally and practically - at a very young age. Being a young carer can make you grow up extremely quickly and miss out on a lot of 'normal' childhood experiences, so it's not at all surprising that you're feeling angry and depressed.
It sounds like you've already taken lots of positive steps to deal with your emotions, though - having counselling and being aware of how you feel - both will ultimately help you to a happier place, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
I'm sure there will be other posters who have been in similar situations and can offer you much better advice than I can, but for now I just wanted to say big hugs and keep posting here, hopefully it will help to talk.
*hug* Spanner
ps - if you haven't already found our advice pages, these articles may be worth a read:
Living with a drinker: http://www.thesite.org/drinkanddrugs/drinking/problems/livingwithadrinker
Young carers:
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/wellbeing/lookingafterothers/youngcarers
Depression:
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/depression
I know how much hurt it must be causing you, to feel less important than alcohol, but you're not. Even if she seems like she doesn't care, she still does. Drink isn't an excuse for her to treat you badly, but it is a reason. Let her know how much you love and need her. It's not your fault that this has happened - I thought for years and years that it was my fault but with hindsight you'll know that it really isn't. Try not to hate your mum, it's not her fault, but then more importantly don't hate yourself either.
I posted a thread on here ages ago about my dad and drink, and somebody recommended Al-anon and Alateen to me. I never actually went, because I was getting into my own shit at the time, but supposedly they're amazing at providing support for people whose lives are affected by other people's drinking. Check them out, there might be one near you.
I'm not sure how coherent this is, but you can talk to me whenever you want. It doesn't have to be this shit forever xx
whats the luck they both drink - what do they have in common, me. I wish i could have back the stuff drinks made me lose but i think its almost gone too far for me to accept it now. Cos it really hurts watching it and all the time and being put down
I know people say its shitty and it really is.. and i know people are like it gets better and stuff and i think i kinda know it will.. but sometimes it feels like it never will. Just wish i could feel better to and just get over it all.
4that may not be the best route for you straight away. when you get to a place where you can be positive, definitely try to keep that door open for some sort of a relationship with her. you leaving may be what she needs to realize that she needs help.as far as coping mechanisms until you get away, i found reading to be the best one.. let the pages of a book take you into another world, where you dont have to worry. other than that, long walks, and maybe talking to a close friend. all of these helped me tremendously.
Best of luck, mate
I think that people are responsible because they choose the drugs and drink, but then it gets to the point that the drink and drugs overtake them, stopping them see clearly and being able to pull away. But there is always hope.
I'm sorry I don't have anything useful to say, I just wanted to show my support. Hope things get better for you soon. xx