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I dont know what to do

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
So i've been seeing this girl for a while.. about six months ago, she got out of a vicious relationship that resulted in her unborn child being killed.. the man that did it is in jail now, but obviously there were some very nasty scars left. After seeing each other for a little over a month, we started actually dating, and our feelings grew very rapidly. But one day out of no where, the ghosts of that relationship came up. she broke it off with me and said she needs time, and we will try again when she feels she is ready to handle a relationship properly. but now she wont talk to me much, and is constantly in a depressed mood. all of her friends think she is fine, im the only one who knows how much pain she is in. she tells me she is in a bad mood, but wont talk to me about it. i want to see her happy, make her happy. she was happy with me. how can i get her past this point of not talking? is it really just a matter of waiting? or is there anything i can do?

Comments

  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    It sounds like there isn't much you can do, except be there for her when she is ready to talk. Let her know you'll support her, try to be patient and wait a while. She has to try to work this out, sometimes its best to do that on your own, other times with friends/ family or counselling.
    Has she had any counselling? Does she know how you feel?
    xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she hasnt had any counseling that im aware of. She knows im here for her. she doesnt really speak to anyone about it. she talks to me more than anyone now. none of her friends know that she is still hurting from this. She is such an amazing girl who deserves the world. i just wish she would let me give it to her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My boyfriend's been through some very traumatic things in his life, and what I've found is you can't go to them about it. Let them come to you.
    By all means, say to her "I'm here when you want to talk." And make sure she knows she can tell you anything, but really when she's ready to talk she will. It'll probably come out in drips and drabs, here and there, and just make sure when she is talking about it that she feels safe and secure.

    It might be worth mentioning the doctors to her, just to make sure she knows that option is there should she want counselling... but if she says no don't try and force her.

    Other than that, just make sure she knows how special she is and how much you care about her. Good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well i just found out that she has been hanging out with an old ex alot recently... she swore there was nothing between them, because when we were together, she asked if it was ok to hang out with him. she said they arent getting back together, they are just friends, but everyone seems to think something is going on their... im wild for this girl. how do i confront this???
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    It could appear that way to others looking in, she might be trying to work things out the same way as you, asking another's opinion.
    Personally I would want to know where I stand, but she sounds fragile at the moment. It may be a case of wait and see. Maybe you could tell her that you are willing to wait as long as she wants. -if you haven't already.
    She's probably feeling worried about the relationship going bad, so much so, that it has already driven a wedge between you two. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it appears that way to just about everyone now, because he left his pregnant girlfriend at the same time she left me... but they both swear theyre just friends. ive said im willing to wait, because i feel she is worth it. but if she has been lying to me about him, it will rip me apart.. it would hurt knowing she left me for another, but it would kill knowing i wasnt worth the truth to her :(
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    She sounds very mixed up right now. From what you said I would think that too. I don't think she would want to hurt you, but maybe she doesn't know what to do. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know she is in a world of confusion right now, but if she is with this guy, ill be extremely worried about her.. she dated him a few years ago, and it ended very badly. he was absolutely rotten to her, and i think she is just setting herself up to be hurt again. i dont think she is ready to be with a nice guy yet, because she can see herself settling down with me, and i think that scares her.. thats why she broke it off. or part of why, anyway. i can only guess what is going through her head..
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    You're probably right. Maybe she doesn't value herself and feels as if she doesn't deserve a good relationship.
    But if that's the case, I don't think there is anything you can do. You can try and reassure her, help her see her own worth, but in the end she has to discover that for herself. You can try to help and support her until she does, as much as possible. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im giving up on her, i think. i found out she was with this guy shortly before me.. and the more i think about the way she behaved with a couple things, i think she is pregnant with him and knew.. i think she wanted to be able to say its mine, because she knows i would be a better father than this guy.. he already has a kid and isnt there for it.. i could provide. and physically, i am similar to this guy. it would be easy to pass the kid as mine.. she broke it off at the point where she would have been too far along to prove it's mine.. i hope im wrong, but i dont think i am... i feel so used :(
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