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triggering.
Annaarrr!!
Posts: 876 Part of The Mix Family
My self hate notes are growing and growing. I want to hurt myself rather severely. I want to disappear somewhere I won't be found and completely destroy mysefl in every possible way. I don't want to live. I tried and tried. And I get blamed over and over again. I don't see the point. What's the point in such a waste of space disgusting excuuse of a human being actually existing? There is no point. So why the FUCK am I here? HELLOOO DEPRESSION. And I thought I was okay. Lying bastards.
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You know you say here 'hello depression'? - well this is really important! Don't forget that this is a genuine illness and right now it sounds like it's playing a huge part in how you're feeling - all those negative thoughts and self-hatred.
It's really positive that you can recognise this, I know right now you're feeling like you thought you were okay and now this but depression can be a pretty sneaky little beast and gradually creep back in when we're not looking or, perhaps not taking care of ourselves and using all of our support networks and ways of coping to stay on top.
How about giving a little bit of self-liking a go - you could try writing down a few positives about yourself - things people have complimented you on in the past or achievements you have made - no matter how small.. depression can be a rollercoaster but you can level out again so try not to lose hope - is there anything that you've found helps to lift your mood in the past you could try?
You know we're here if you need to keep venting and I can kick of your self-liking list by telling you that you're truly a valued member of this community, we love having you around here and in chat too :yes:
This page on the TESS website has some ideas for dealing with feelings that you might want to try: http://www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk/feelings
I noticed you posted pretty late at night too and in another thread you recognised that being tired can have a really negative impact on how you feel. Did you manage to get some sleep in the end? Take care and let us know how you're doing