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He can't see me like that-friend question

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ive been mates with this guy from work for a couple of months and never thought I'd develop feelings for him. We go out for a late night drive couple of times a week

I haven't had much relationship luck and he's had 4 relationships resulting I'n him being cheated on so he's pretty wary

Anyway he was asked out by a girl in work who he turned down and when my mate said to him she was glad as he deserved someone classier he said he only knew me and that there was nothing wrong with me but couldn't see me like that as it could ruin the relationship

What u make of that it's like yesterday i mentioned i hadn't been to a wedding for a while his response was if I'd known i could've gone to a works one as it had a plus 1 on the invitation

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like he DOES see you that way, but doesn't want to because he doesn't want to be hurt again. Better to have you as a friend than not at all.

    If you gently push at him to move the friendship on I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Just don't go asking for marriage and babies just yet!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like he DOES see you that way, but doesn't want to because he doesn't want to be hurt again. Better to have you as a friend than not at all.

    If you gently push at him to move the friendship on I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Just don't go asking for marriage and babies just yet!

    Can i just ask u what makes u say that? Just am frustrated with it as i do quite like him :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jacobs_gal wrote: »
    Can i just ask u what makes u say that? Just am frustrated with it as i do quite like him :)

    I am d'accord with AR. You post, obviously makes him (us) say that. He told your mate indirectly that he can see you as someone he'd date (if you are only friends with someone you wouldn't say something like that, because you are usually oblivious to that). You are meeting out of work apparently frequently and he would have taken you to a wedding as his "partner (+1 invitation).

    It's quite obviously, really. Take it slow and make him feel secure.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    I am d'accord with AR. You post, obviously makes him (us) say that. He told your mate indirectly that he can see you as someone he'd date (if you are only friends with someone you wouldn't say something like that, because you are usually oblivious to that). You are meeting out of work apparently frequently and he would have taken you to a wedding as his "partner (+1 invitation).

    It's quite obviously, really. Take it slow and make him feel secure.

    He said he couldn't see me like that so is that what u mean by indirectly? And regards his + 1 would u say that could be seen as a friend thing?

    Sorry to ask just don't want to make a Pratt of myaelf
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jacobs_gal wrote: »
    He said he couldn't see me like that so is that what u mean by indirectly? And regards his + 1 would u say that could be seen as a friend thing?

    Sorry to ask just don't want to make a Pratt of myaelf

    Ok, I misunderstood the first part, but still, he could just be a bit afraid of things going haywire again. About the +1 thing. Believe me, as a guy I have a GOOD hunch when someone is extra nice and goes out of his way to please the girl.

    And don't be afraid of making a pratt of yourself, this is just inhibiting your chances. Be confident in yourself and try it regardless of the circumstances. The worst thing you can do is let him go, because you are unsure if it would work out in the end. You often times do not know for a long time, but you need to stay on top of it. Again: Observe if there is any progress between you. Try to meet more often, do a bit more romantic things like picnicking or lying on a blanket in a park at night etc. Just put work in it and see if he goes along with it. If he doesn't you haven't yet made anything that would make a friendship awkward or anything that can't be undone.

    It's so easy, really. Stop being afraid, having feelings for someone is nothing you have to be ashamed for.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You don't take friends as your +1 to a wedding, period.

    If you're meeting outside of work a lot, there's an attraction there.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You don't take friends as your +1 to a wedding, period.

    If you're meeting outside of work a lot, there's an attraction there.

    really?! well ive seen him 3 times this week ... but hes telling my mate he cant see me like that!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jacobs_gal wrote: »
    really?! well ive seen him 3 times this week ... but hes telling my mate he cant see me like that!

    Whatevs. Do you wanna get over it now, just because whatever he tells your mate? Why isn't he telling you this in person? Just give it a shot, what are you afraid of? People can change their mind and boobs are a hard currency, remember that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    Whatevs. Do you wanna get over it now, just because whatever he tells your mate? Why isn't he telling you this in person? Just give it a shot, what are you afraid of? People can change their mind and boobs are a hard currency, remember that.

    Are you trying to say he doesnt sound interested
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jacobs_gal wrote: »
    Are you trying to say he doesnt sound interested

    I am saying you give too much of a shit about hearsay and rumors and what people say to other people instead of just doing what you like and what feels good, which is getting closer to the guy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jacobs_gal wrote: »
    really?! well ive seen him 3 times this week ... but hes telling my mate he cant see me like that!

    Why don't you ask your mate to ask him what he means by: "I don't see her like that!"? .... like what?

    Then if he's got you wrong in some way, your mate can put him right!

    It might be that because he sees you as a really good friend and a lovely person that he doesn't want to risk messing up the relationship by making it a romantic one!

    How he sees you is also likely to be influenced by how he thinks you see him!

    Get your mate on to it asap - tell her she could become the next Cilla Black if she works at it!

    Jed
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jedimaster wrote: »
    Why don't you ask your mate to ask him what he means by: "I don't see her like that!"? .... like what?

    Then if he's got you wrong in some way, your mate can put him right!

    It might be that because he sees you as a really good friend and a lovely person that he doesn't want to risk messing up the relationship by making it a romantic one!

    How he sees you is also likely to be influenced by how he thinks you see him!

    Get your mate on to it asap - tell her she could become the next Cilla Black if she works at it!

    Jed

    Basically exactly this. Man, i'm gonna pm you my thoughts from now on and you put it down into something coherent.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jedimaster wrote: »
    Why don't you ask your mate to ask him what he means by: "I don't see her like that!"? .... like what?

    Then if he's got you wrong in some way, your mate can put him right!

    It might be that because he sees you as a really good friend and a lovely person that he doesn't want to risk messing up the relationship by making it a romantic one!

    How he sees you is also likely to be influenced by how he thinks you see him!

    Get your mate on to it asap - tell her she could become the next Cilla Black if she works at it!

    Jed

    He said he couldn't see me like that as it would ruin relationship
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jacobs_gal wrote: »
    He said he couldn't see me like that as it would ruin relationship

    Keep working on him - slow but sure ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jedimaster wrote: »
    Keep working on him - slow but sure ;)

    well i saw him again yesterday so that been 4 out of 6 days ive seen him outside of work
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jacobs_gal wrote: »
    well i saw him again yesterday so that been 4 out of 6 days ive seen him outside of work

    Sounds like things are moving in the right direction.

    Getting involved intimately with someone you work with can get complicated, so maybe that's another reason why he's holding back.

    But then people do cope with that!

    Are you into perfumes?

    If you can find one that he really likes, you'll have him under your spell in no time! ;)

    Jed
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