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How far do you take it?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
A very close friend of mine was telling me about her dating habits - she been single for 3 years and she's just decided she likes men as well as women. So she's been on several dating websites and she has friends matchmaking left right and centre. At the moment she's seeing 2 people who she really likes and she only been on a couple of dates but she was asking me was she wrong to do that. I said I thought it was fine, but I asked how far she was going to take it and she said she didn't know.

I've not been in a situation like that so I really didn't know what to say! How far would you take it before you go with one or the other?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Personally, I'd only date one person at a time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If they don't know about each other, I think she needs to decide whether a) she would want an open relationship, in which case she needs to discuss it with them, or b) she needs to work out quickly which she likes most and not string the other along.

    If they do know about each other (and while they may not know for sure, they shouldn't expect to be the only one), I refer you to point a above. Though if that's not what she wants she's still got a decision to make, albeit with slightly less urgency.

    As for how far I would take it - if they were both happy with the arrangement I would carry on until that changed.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I guess as long everything is fun and games and nobody gets hurt. It is a bit of a controversial stance, but nobody says you just have to have one partner as long as everyone is cool with it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dating wise I don't think there's any reason to limit yourself to one person.

    I would say if you're making out at the end of the dates and arranging overnight stays then yea that's a one person only type thing because its on the cusp of being a relationship. Also I don't think the datees have any right to necessarily know about other datees at least until it's getting more serious / exclusive.

    I've dated girls who it then emerged were sleeping with other people while we were dating (drunk guilt brought it to light months later - I don't think I needed to know!) but it was all cool in the end because we weren't that far down the dating tree at that point.

    I'm quite easy going about dates though, they don't have to be make or break 'is this person marriage material / are we going to sex tonight' but rather 'do I get along with this person either as a friend or potential girlfriend'.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I spoke to her about it again (she should bloody well ask herself but she wants me to do instead on the grounds she "too scared" :p). She doesn't want an open relationship, but she wants to know they're reasonably serious because she keeps getting let down a few dates in.

    I understand how she feels cos I've had similar happen to me but it seems like she's kind of relationship hedge betting... Not sure how I feel about that.

    She also asked how does she choose. I said do the pros and cons thing, but that's difficult when you've only been on a couple of dates with them. Any other ideas?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Say you meet two people in the same week though, and you've not met anyone in 5 months, yea I think it's 100% to want to meet up with both of them because chances are neither will work out, but odds are better with two than one.

    If its getting serious you just choose the one you like more and/or the more handsome / less crazy one. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Define the less crazy bit! :p
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