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Don't know what to do
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey all,
This isn't a cry for help or nothing. I just really don't know what to do.
About a year ago I started getting dizzy. Just out of the blue. Thought it was to do with a jaw problem. So, I sucked it up and tried to solve the problem. I had a constant muscle cramp in my jaw and down my neck on the right side. Thogutht hat was contributing so I did more stretching, exercises, even went to clinical pilates to get it fixed (and being a dude, I wasn't really up for the whole pilates thing). I got massaged, trigger therapy.. whatever, I was in pain and wanted the dizziness to end.
Then I noticed my skin was changing and I was feeling weaker. It's hard to explain and I've been evaluated by 3 psychologists so far and none thought I was crazy yet so I don't think it's that, but my skin became stretchier. Joints started hurting. Always had small problems with my ligaments but everything suddenly got a lot worse. Lots of muscle spasms too.
Now, up until this point I was a relatively happy guy. I had 2 period of depression when I was younger (almost more than 10 years ago now). I lost my job at the start of 2011 but I was pretty optomistic that I'd find something good. I'd just broken up with a long time girlfriend (who herself was very ill and I had to stop surpporting because it was taking its toll physically).
Anyhow... I also had teeth problem (grnding at night time) so was wearing a mouth guard... lots of things going on.
During the course of 2011 I became increasingly more upset. I tried to explain to my parents but they thought it was nothing - 'you've always been a healthy boy' - as if that meant I was lying or over-exaggerating. Let me stress that I have never had a major health problem before of any sort. I'm the type to not even take pain medication for headaches so for me to start freaking out it means something major is going on.
Doctors thought I had all sorts of things.. this nerve disease (negative), AIDS, possible cancer (all negative). I got tested for allergies, diabetes etc. Everything was negative and my tests results alays came back relatively clear.
I have possibly found out what the cause was. There's a thing called Ehlers Danlos syndrome which means your collagen is messed up - and I and members of my family have some traits quite similar to those people with this illness get. I have found supplementation is helping a bit.
Okay.. that's a lot to read, I know. Just painting a picture.
1. During the time I was really dizzy I forgot to wear my mouthguard. As a consequence my teeth have ground away even more and I'm in pain all the time now. They don't look too good, either, and I'm having trouble chewing, which depresses the hell out of me on top of everything else. I kinda hate myself over it as you only get one pair and I have no money to fix anything. I was just trying so hard to keep myself together mentally. I'm an idiot. My teeth were the one thing about myself I really, really liked (physical attribute-wise).
2. The people I thought would be there for me during this time haven't been. Especially my parents. My mum flew down to where I am twice to help out, but only after much coercing and arguing and me freaking out. I wasn't trying to hurt anyone by doing it, I just couldn't function. I was having trouble even lifting small things at that point (have recovered somewaht with the supplements). I've been treated by both of my parents like I'm a stranger or like I'm trying to seek attention or like this is another example of me 'screwing up' or like this is all in my head. I've tried to explain things or show them but they dismiss it.
They say they're worried about me but it seems to be more 'we're worried, why would you make us worry?' rather than actually giving a sh*t about how I am. I was living with them for a few months but because my housemate moved out they forced me to move back down to where I was living. I have no money, can't find a housemate, can't afford rent, internet will no doubt be cut off soon. I've told them I can't function and wont be able to work (I've tried looking but it took me 6 months last time). They don't care. They think this is 'tough love' as if by forcing me to get a job .
I'm no crazy. Up until now I've been doing moderately okay with my life. Not great but not bad. I know myself and I know my limitations. I tried working last year, doing call centre work despite being dizzy all the time and having that damned muscle cramp. I just couldn't keep it up.
3. Now it's most likely I'll be chucked out of my apartment. My dad 'loaned' me money for the previous month's rent, as it was weeks late, but this month I'll be screwed. Even after I was depressed but started trying again with th supplements etc. I didn't get anything from the parents - no 'we're really glad you're trying' or 'look we'll help you out' or even 'how are you feeling?'. And I've never caused them a lick of trouble in all these years - no drugs, no violence, no stealing. Just done my own thing and tried to get along. It really makes me want to just end it all.
Rob
This isn't a cry for help or nothing. I just really don't know what to do.
About a year ago I started getting dizzy. Just out of the blue. Thought it was to do with a jaw problem. So, I sucked it up and tried to solve the problem. I had a constant muscle cramp in my jaw and down my neck on the right side. Thogutht hat was contributing so I did more stretching, exercises, even went to clinical pilates to get it fixed (and being a dude, I wasn't really up for the whole pilates thing). I got massaged, trigger therapy.. whatever, I was in pain and wanted the dizziness to end.
Then I noticed my skin was changing and I was feeling weaker. It's hard to explain and I've been evaluated by 3 psychologists so far and none thought I was crazy yet so I don't think it's that, but my skin became stretchier. Joints started hurting. Always had small problems with my ligaments but everything suddenly got a lot worse. Lots of muscle spasms too.
Now, up until this point I was a relatively happy guy. I had 2 period of depression when I was younger (almost more than 10 years ago now). I lost my job at the start of 2011 but I was pretty optomistic that I'd find something good. I'd just broken up with a long time girlfriend (who herself was very ill and I had to stop surpporting because it was taking its toll physically).
Anyhow... I also had teeth problem (grnding at night time) so was wearing a mouth guard... lots of things going on.
During the course of 2011 I became increasingly more upset. I tried to explain to my parents but they thought it was nothing - 'you've always been a healthy boy' - as if that meant I was lying or over-exaggerating. Let me stress that I have never had a major health problem before of any sort. I'm the type to not even take pain medication for headaches so for me to start freaking out it means something major is going on.
Doctors thought I had all sorts of things.. this nerve disease (negative), AIDS, possible cancer (all negative). I got tested for allergies, diabetes etc. Everything was negative and my tests results alays came back relatively clear.
I have possibly found out what the cause was. There's a thing called Ehlers Danlos syndrome which means your collagen is messed up - and I and members of my family have some traits quite similar to those people with this illness get. I have found supplementation is helping a bit.
Okay.. that's a lot to read, I know. Just painting a picture.
1. During the time I was really dizzy I forgot to wear my mouthguard. As a consequence my teeth have ground away even more and I'm in pain all the time now. They don't look too good, either, and I'm having trouble chewing, which depresses the hell out of me on top of everything else. I kinda hate myself over it as you only get one pair and I have no money to fix anything. I was just trying so hard to keep myself together mentally. I'm an idiot. My teeth were the one thing about myself I really, really liked (physical attribute-wise).
2. The people I thought would be there for me during this time haven't been. Especially my parents. My mum flew down to where I am twice to help out, but only after much coercing and arguing and me freaking out. I wasn't trying to hurt anyone by doing it, I just couldn't function. I was having trouble even lifting small things at that point (have recovered somewaht with the supplements). I've been treated by both of my parents like I'm a stranger or like I'm trying to seek attention or like this is another example of me 'screwing up' or like this is all in my head. I've tried to explain things or show them but they dismiss it.
They say they're worried about me but it seems to be more 'we're worried, why would you make us worry?' rather than actually giving a sh*t about how I am. I was living with them for a few months but because my housemate moved out they forced me to move back down to where I was living. I have no money, can't find a housemate, can't afford rent, internet will no doubt be cut off soon. I've told them I can't function and wont be able to work (I've tried looking but it took me 6 months last time). They don't care. They think this is 'tough love' as if by forcing me to get a job .
I'm no crazy. Up until now I've been doing moderately okay with my life. Not great but not bad. I know myself and I know my limitations. I tried working last year, doing call centre work despite being dizzy all the time and having that damned muscle cramp. I just couldn't keep it up.
3. Now it's most likely I'll be chucked out of my apartment. My dad 'loaned' me money for the previous month's rent, as it was weeks late, but this month I'll be screwed. Even after I was depressed but started trying again with th supplements etc. I didn't get anything from the parents - no 'we're really glad you're trying' or 'look we'll help you out' or even 'how are you feeling?'. And I've never caused them a lick of trouble in all these years - no drugs, no violence, no stealing. Just done my own thing and tried to get along. It really makes me want to just end it all.
Rob
0
Comments
Firstly, welcome to the TheSite. Please take some time to look around at the different sections on the main site and the forums to familiarise yourself with things. Secondly you have posted in the right section.
The last year seems to have been very tough for you. It must have been a difficult experience, having so many symptoms but unsure of what condition you might have had. I hope in some ways being able to put a name to it has been some help for you and its good that the supplementation seems to be helping now.
The three points you raised sound like tricky situations.
Firstly, regarding your teeth. Have you been back to the dentist to show them the deterioration? I know you said you were only allowed one mouth guard, but that might not be the case seeing as your condition seems to have worsened. It could be worth checking that out...
Secondly, the issue with your parents must be really getting you down. The things you've written down here today, have you sat them down and told them this is how you are feeling? It might be a surprise for them to hear how much things are getting on top of you, and might make them rethink their 'tough love' stance. It might be worthwhile laying everything on the table. The flip-side is of course, that what happened to you has frightened and confused them and they may be finding it difficult to cope in their own way.
Thirdly, the housing situation must be an added stress on top of everything else. How where you funding your rent before you got into financial difficulty? With not working now, are you receiving any benefits? Have you checked what sort of housing benefit you may be entitled to for example, if your unable to work due to your illness. It might be worthwhile checking this out at your local benefits office.
Please stick around and let us know how things progress for you.
Phil :thumb:
Thanks for your response. I'll be brief since I wrote so much the first time around.
a. The grinding must have been happening for years. I have photos of my teeth from about 5 years back. I've been to dentists and no one mentioned anything until I noticed there'd been a major change in the way I was biting etc. - then when I went to the dentist last year and pointed it out he said 'oh yeah'. Got a second opinion 'should have gotten a mouth guard years ago'. Then it got worse because my thinking's been so fuzzy and I've been very scared the last year and kept forgetting to use it. I am now but it's a bit late for that. I went to one guy who said 'then wear your mouth guard' but he forgot to cement my mum's crown on properly so I'm unsure how I feel about his technical skills.
b. I have tried to explain things to my parents and my sister. On numerous occasions. It usually ends with them yelling over me. 'You never did anything with you life'. 'You need to take responsibility for things.' Which I was doing, up until last year when things came to a head. If I felt able to do anything I would be doing it. I don't have a heap of money behind me but I spent most of that trying to work out what the hell was going on, doctor's bills, dental appointments etc. I wish I had money so I didn't have to rely on them but that's not the situation.
c. I am getting money from the government (part of that includes a minor amount of rent assitance) but it's not much and the catch-22 is that I'm living in a 2 bedroom apartment. It's hard enough being around myself, let alone trying to move another person in here. And I *have* tried, even though I knew it probably wouldn't work out. But I can't move because there is no way I'll get my bond back if I have to move out with only giving them a short amount of notice. So I'll have no money to pay bond elsewhere. But I can't afford rent here.
And because I'm in the process of getting diagnosed with an ailment I can't get disability, which would be more money. My parents have helped out with the rent a couple of times, which I really, really appreciate - I know it's not right to take advantage of anyone when it comes to money. But I told them that if I moved back down here I wouldn't be able to cope - both mentally and physically. I tried but I can't.
Thanks for getting back to us.
How have things been for you since we last spoke, have you been able to explain and discuss things further with your parents?
Your housing situation does sound like a tricky one. Have you spoken to any agencies that might be able to help you. Im not sure of your wereabouts but if your in the UK, there is a charity called Shelter that can offer a wealth of advice around issues such as tennacy concerns and sickness and housing benefit.
Checking out there website below might offer some assistance.
http://www.shelter.org.uk/
Keep us posted on how things are going.
Phil :thumb: