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Being positive vs. Preparing yourself for the worst
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I want to keep this fairly general rather than personal but to be brief I've spent the last two years feeling unhappy but trying to stay as positive as possible and put in my best efforts to change the situation. Two years on and nothing has really improved. I'm starting to wonder if being positive has backfired as I now almost feel worse.
Do you think you should always strive to remain positive or is it sometimes better to try and prepare yourself for things never getting better?
Do you think you should always strive to remain positive or is it sometimes better to try and prepare yourself for things never getting better?
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Sorry if you've posted that elsewhere and I've missed it.
It's hard to know exactly what to say without knowing the specifics, but do you really think that being positive has made you feel worse? I can totally understand that it would make you feel frustrated that you have tried to change something and nothing has changed, but imagine that you hadn't tried at all. Then you'd still feel shit about your situation, but also you'd feel shit about yourself for not trying to change it.
Always remain positive, but change stuff in your life. I was in a pretty slump for a year now. You need to try different things and discard them if they are not helping. Sports, traveling, new job, new friends, you name it. Try yourself through and look what makes you happy. Happiness doesn't come by on it's own like the mail man.
The downside is when you have been positive for too long without things getting any better. In my case I think its also because I have had a lot of well meaning people giving me various advice along the lines of “give it time and it will get better,” and it hasn't or “try x, y or z and its bound to work” and it hasn't. I don't blame these people because I imagine in a lot of other cases this is good advice but it hasn't been for me.
Now when people give me the “things will get better,” line I almost want to snap “well when are things going to get better?” or “you said that two years ago and they haven't”. If you've just been passively sitting there waiting for things to get better then fair enough but that is not the case for me.
I wish I could have better prepared myself for how I feel now because I feel I have exhausted all my options and its achieved nothing. While on the one hand I am doing all I can to improve things its also going to be dependent on what circumstances come up. I guess I was not prepared for it being so out of my hands or the fact that it could be say 10 years or more before things get better.
Believe me I get the "just give it time" shit too often, especially when it comes to finding a girlfriend. The best I think I can do is trying my darndest not to stop my life in the tracks and continue it when a girlfriend comes along (in your case something positive), because then the positives/girlfriends won't come. Why would someone want to be with you when all they do is nothing but waiting and wishing for a girl.
I got up and do the things I like and can achieve by myself. It keeps me going and I got to know several people, among those girls. So alone the outlook, the doing and trying new things IS my positive.
Unfortunately nobody really knows what in specific you are talking about. So I have no idea if those are things you can actually change and take in your own hands or that just keep happening (like... I don't know... dying family members).
I can just conclude this like this: Doing things that do not get you farther along or do not ultimately bring happiness is maybe a bit discouraging, but doing nothing and just sitting in the trench waiting for something to happen will not get you farther for sure. And it's way harder to break out of there.
I don't really want a thread about my own problems. It would just be a load of posts where people offer the same advice I've heard before and will be a case of “have tried that and it didn't work,” “we don't have one of those,” or “that might work but I don't have the money” which wont make me feel any better.
Being positive has just made my situation now more disappointing and after being positive and making the effort to make things better I'm now less confident in my ability to change things. Now I wonder if I should keep trying to change but also prepare myself in case things stay like this for years.
I know this was from last week, but POTW.
JanePerson, do you consider yourself risk averse? What's the biggest risk you've ever taken and what happened?
I don't think its necessarily a bad thing to be risk averse but I suppose you can take it too far.
Yeah, I guess what I was thinking in terms of taking a risk that we wouldn't immediately associate with dangerous behaviour, but one that might mean you're really challenged and have to go through a learning curve before you got to where you wanted to be - e.g. taking a risk and moving to a completely new town that does have the volunteering opportunities that might appeal to you, etc.
I know it could still happen but I'm getting scared that it wont and wonder if I should try to prepare myself. Moving to a new town may be challenging but staying here is a risk to my sanity.
:yes: it's a challenge that could change your life for the better.
How are things since you last posted?
It really varies. Some days I don't feel too bad and just get on with things. Other days I struggle to get out of bed and feel like walking out at work. Occasionally I feel really low and start thinking negative thoughts like “what if the rest of my life is like this” or (and this sounds like an angsty teenager) “my life is over” or “I'm never going to be happy again”.
I just cant stand this cycle of hoping and being let down. I know I have to carry on if there is to be any chance of things getting better but I cant help but wonder if I would be better off accepting that it probably wont.
Many of my friends will start settling down and getting into the marriage/kids thing before I know it whereas I haven't dated for more than 2 years now. When you're in that kind of relationship you're not going to as available for weekend get togethers. Its only going to get worse for me. :crying:
I feel really sick thinking about the future.