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Telling him how I feel
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So, I've been having an on/off sexual relationship with this guy for about a year now. It started out very casual but I have now developed very strong feelings for him and want more. We don't see each other that often and he often doesn't respond to texts etc. A classic FB situation if you like.
Anyway, I found out recently that he's having a pretty shitty time personally at the moment and, because I care about him, I want to be there for him. I've asked him if he wants to meet up and talk about things but he has either not replied or not been available. Because I felt a bit shut out, I basically asked him if he wanted to stop all contact and he said no.
I'm confused. The whole situation makes me miserable because I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I don't know if there is any future for anything more. He told me last year he didn't want a relationship and I lied and said neither did I but then he told someone else that he liked someone at work (where we met) and something had happened but then nothing had happened.
I can't carry on like this because I'm miserable but by the same token I don't want to bring up the subject with him if it's only going to seem like I'm indifferent to the major other problems he has and only interested in myself. I really want to tell him how I feel, even if it means the whole "thing" ends up being over even though I hope it won't be.
Should I say something, or should I wait until life is a bit better for him? But if so, how long should I wait??
Anyway, I found out recently that he's having a pretty shitty time personally at the moment and, because I care about him, I want to be there for him. I've asked him if he wants to meet up and talk about things but he has either not replied or not been available. Because I felt a bit shut out, I basically asked him if he wanted to stop all contact and he said no.
I'm confused. The whole situation makes me miserable because I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I don't know if there is any future for anything more. He told me last year he didn't want a relationship and I lied and said neither did I but then he told someone else that he liked someone at work (where we met) and something had happened but then nothing had happened.
I can't carry on like this because I'm miserable but by the same token I don't want to bring up the subject with him if it's only going to seem like I'm indifferent to the major other problems he has and only interested in myself. I really want to tell him how I feel, even if it means the whole "thing" ends up being over even though I hope it won't be.
Should I say something, or should I wait until life is a bit better for him? But if so, how long should I wait??
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Comments
You are clear about what you want from now on- which is good :yes: - and now it's only about how to tell him.
He is currently going through these personal issues but if you make it clear that you WANT to be there for him - not just sexually - and that you are here if he needs anything then for now he will at least know that. Even if there is no reply, he knows he can call you if needed. Once things calm down a bit for him, it's your chance to open up and tell him how you feel.
It can be tricky to get out of a Fuck buddy situation and into a relationship but it has been known to work. Perhaps his struggle has come at the right time, in order for him to realise you are more then what you have both been to each other over the past year
Good luck, keep posting and let us know how things go!
I have had this same type of thing happen to me, but you need to be strong because things do take time. I know how hard it is for a guy to express his true feelings, so you may be sending him all these messages and he is probably not ignoring you. Instead he is having trouble getting what he wants to say out, so instead of struggling with it, he has just chosen not to try or maybe he is trying to get out what he wants to say, it's just taking him time.
As humans we all have that desire inside to be loved, but some of us really don't put in that ground work to build a good foundation for a relationship. As Christele had said it is very hard to move from "Fuck Buddy" to relationship. Hard, but not impossible. Because like I said I managed to do it.
In my situation, me and my partner were cuddling and I looked them right in the eyes and said that I loved them, and they looked back and said they felt the same. Unfortunately we did not stay together for very long, but that doesn't mean that you will not stay together for long time, and maybe forever.
Now, having said that. Love is a very hard thing to express, so maybe you need to slow it down a bit, become his friend before you become anything else. You did not tell us in your post how you managed to become "Fuck Buddies" but maybe that needs to stop and just be his friend. Most of the time the guy will pick his best friend over that 'hottie' on the beach.
Just slow down is all I can really offer to this, maybe ask him to go out to coffee with you and after wards go home, don't go jumping into bed. Just get to know him a bit more. As for your original question, when things become more comfortable with him, then you then tell him how you feel and how you have always felt about him and hopefully he will feel the same about you. :yes:
Best of luck,
Randy.
(Read my signature it may help you)