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Doesn't feel like she is trying?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I've been talking to this girl I know for a while now right, and she says she likes me loads, like literally goes "I LIKE YOU LOADS" but doesn't seem to try, like if I type loads she will just go ":3" or ":)" even though theres obv something to comment about and I have to initiate every convo. The second part isn't a big deal? but if she likes me so much why do I have to start it all?

Anyoen got any ideas? :<

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you dont feel like she is putting any effort in, then reduce the effort YOU put in.

    saves pain
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The first thing I would ask you is if she is different in person to how she is online (or in text)? I'm assuming you've met her in real life? Not that it matters if you haven't, it would just give you a comparison. Some people just aren't very good at talking online, they feel self conscious about having interesting things to say and so they say very little. However, if she was a lot MORE chatty and then gradually became less so then you have another comparison that can tell you something.

    I'd perhaps ask her why she's not responsive? That's what I'd usually do in that situation. I wouldn't just keep talking to someone who was saying next to nothing, I'd comment on their quietness and ask them if something was up. If they replied that nothing was up I'd ask them why they were so unresponsive? I don't think that's unreasonable.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have the same problem the girl I'm seeing does the same with me

    I have tried reducing the effort I put in but that doesn't seem to work

    So would like some help to
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She's just "shy" in general she says, i asked her. However we've been talking for quite a while (months) don't see why she could be shy if she says she "loves/likes" etc etc me. I'm just confused. D:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's been like a week and still no change, attempted the "don't talk to her for a few days" move to see if she would start to talk more and nothing.
    I don't understand how she could say she loves me but yet actually not try to talk at all?
    Every answer pretty much is an answer which I cant base conversation off like "KK" or ":)". I have to think of questions all the time.

    Is there anyway to make her actually..initiate in a conversation? At the moment it just feels like im asking her questions and thats it.

    Thanks :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi rubbers,

    You say this girl said to you "I LIKE YOU LOADS"- did you say to her you like her back? Perhaps she is "shy" or being insecure as maybe you haven't clearly said how you feel?

    If this is not the case, it must be all so frustrating. Taking stu147's advice, do you think you could ask her again why she replies this way and if anything is bothering her? You could say it has been months and no need to be shy with you. Or perhaps writing her an email saying how you feel about how she has been responding could help you?

    Also how is she in person if you met? As mentioned again by stu147 if she is simply like this by text, perhaps it could still work by having conversations in person or even on the phone? Have a look at this article on meeting offline, if you met online.

    At the end of the day, if she continues this, it seems that you won't be happy with it. The sooner you try and understand why she doesn't make the effort the sooner you could move on to someone who does.

    Let us know how things go :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah i've said i loved her back in the simplest of terms. She definitely knows.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you talk to her in real life? I'm super lazy when I'm talking to people online, even important people, so maybe she's just tired or multitasking.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im kinda havnig the same problem too.
    I have been texting this girl for ages and shes came round mine twice now,but she never initiates contact with me,or will never text saying a "hi" or anything like that.

    But when shes come round mine shes been pretty afffectionate,kissing and cuddling.
    Ive tried the no contac thing,but yeah,doesnt work with her and its a pain as I do like her.
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