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how do i move on

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
hi all i will try and keep this as short as possible.
a couple of weeks ago my girlfriend of 2 years took the decision to end our relationship pretty much out of the blue stating that things were no longer working out and the spark had gone she says she still loves me and wants to be friends i cant handle this as im still madly in love with her and know a big reason for things being bad was down to me delibrately being off with her because i wanted her to feel as bad as i did when she didnt show me any affection i knew she was stressed but i went into a bit of a meltdown and admittedly became a prat i know i was wrong and immature and know things would be good again if she let it but all she wants now is to be friends and i dont know how to approach this any advice would be helpfull even if it is to tell me im dreaming and need to wake up.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's possible that she wasn't showing you affection because the feelings were on the wane for some time before she actually found the courage, or the resolve, to address the issue. I'm not saying that's the case but it's worth considering. You say that she had stress in her life but that might just be your way of justifiying her lack of affection.

    It's never nice to think that someone you love can go off you, I've had it happen myself, but unfortunately it can and does happen. Things change, life gets in the way and feelings can change. You shouldn't take it as an indictment of who you are and what you are about, no matter how compelling it is to do so.

    The best thing you can do right now, regardless of her reasons, is to take a look at yourself and to assess where you can make improvements. The main focus should be on making yourself happy rather than on making her happy. However, if you can seriously work out some of the kinks in your behaviour and can recapture some of your old self then you may well prove attractive to her once more. There's no point setting your hopes on that, you should accept that she knows her own mind and has made her decision. However, the best chance you have of making her think twice is to make yourself stronger as a person.

    Just some thoughts to chew over.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for your advice i will take it on board as much as i can only time will tell how helpfull its been when i said about her stress its only what she has told me, shes never been one to open up and tell me whats going on inside her head or really be affectionate where as im very affectionate and love showing her how much i cared and always wanted to sit down and talk with her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Did she ever really show much affection to begin with?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah she did then the last few months she was very evasive and made excuses and when i asked her to talk about it she just said she never opens up and doesnt like to burden people but she has opened up to me before about an ex who abusive towards her
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It certainly sounds like over the last few months she's been building up the courage to end it. You say it was 'pretty much out of the blue' but if she was evasive and making excuses then the signs were definitely there that she wasn't happy.

    You do sound like you were a bit needy in your relationship to be honest - and I don't say this to be mean in the slightest, it's just how some of the things you've said come across. However, that's certainly something you should try and address before you even think about going back into a relationship with anyone.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    fair point when i think about it yeah your right i wasnt particularly needy but did like to show how i felt i dont think i can change that just hope somebody embraces it but i take your points on board
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do a forum search about moving on. It's always the same story and it will apply to you to.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's true that a lot of people struggle with exactly what you're going through as Strubbles says, and if you take some time to read some of the other discussions you may well find some things that ring true for you as well and help you to move on. However, we can also try to support you in your particular situation here :)

    Accepting that a relationship is over when you don't want it to be is hard, there's no easy fix to how you're feeling right now but everything you're feeling is ok. It's alright to be confused and upset and wishing perhpas that things had gone differently. As hard as it is, if she has made this decision then there's not much you can do but try and respect it. As others have said it does sound as though things weren't all that rosy for a while but break ups are complex and there can be a whole number of reasons why she was pushing you away or afraid to open up and as you mention it may well be to do with her past.

    You sound as though you're someone who's ready to jump right in, show affection and be open with your partner and maybe she just wasn't ready for that?

    How are you feeling now? Things will get easier *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im actually feeling much better thanks i took a couple of days to reflect on things and its helped alot ive cut contact via phone and email and think this is the best way to go i still work with her but not too much so will just make any shift civil but not get into any real conversation at this point.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cutting contact certainly helps - Keep going further, baby steps every single day - one day you will be at the top of the mountain

    Im currently trying to move on - everyday i take those steps - yeah i get my bad days but one day, ill get there and you wil too x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its usually best to put some distance between you before rushing into lets be friends.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi

    Your ex-girlfriend actually made the right decision. She is just being true to herself for she doesn't want to pretend in front of you. You can do nothing but to accept. All things will be over if you will accept the reality.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Moving on is difficult, reaaaallly difficult, my four year relationship broke up about four months ago and I'm still trying to get over it (whilst my ex has a new girlfriend already). All the advice I can give is to have as little contact as possible with your ex, hang out with your friends and maybe even find a new hobby, anything to keep your mind focused, and day by day you'll start to feel better. One night last week I realised I hadn't thought about him all day and it felt great! Chin up love, it'll get better I promise, it just takes time.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kennychelsea wrote: »
    Your ex-girlfriend actually made the right decision. She is just being true to herself for she doesn't want to pretend in front of you. You can do nothing but to accept. All things will be over if you will accept the reality.

    your right but it still doesnt excuse the fact that during the initial break up phase she kept saying it wasnt what she wanted but how things had to be, that doesnt really make sense to me, anyway i have started moving on and have accepted its over. thanks for the advice
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