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I should be mad...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well i found out today that my boyf of...1yr 3 months has been cheating on me.
My friends are mad for me..
i dont feel as if i care.

I feel... disappointed.
He has been there for me, when i was left broken by so called 'friends, by my mum... when i had a miscarriage. And he supported me and made me get through it when i wanted to kill myself, and did attempt it.
Now this.. to be honest it really confuses me.
Ive had two extremely short bursts of tears - when i first told a friend, and when i finally dumped him. But both were only..split second.

I know my feelings for a friend have been...a lot stronger lately. For four years now ive been in love with her. At the start i did think its just some teenage thing...as at that time i was 'experimenting'. But even when i came out of that phase i had strong feelings for her.
But ive always ignored them, hidden / buried them. And i fell in love with my boyf. - sorry ex.

Ive wanted to post about this, and ask everyones opinions for so long... now it seems that the whole breaking up thing has confused me...so here i am.. finally... i dont know what i want to ask...

What should i do?
What's going on in my head/heart?
I dont know.... any advice apreaciated. sorry if this is confusing.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    and just as i post this, im starting to get that painful hollow feeling in my chest....
    whilst talking about him with friends.

    Sigh, so so confused :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmm?

    well what your getting at is your in love with another girl also known as your bff but you hid those feelings and fell for a guy right?

    well im starting to think that it may be possible that your bio or a lesbian so if that is what you really are don't hide those feelings except you for who you are and all your wants and if your ex was cheating he was never worth it i hope this helps :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you need to give yourself time. You are going through a break up and you will start to 'feel' more eventually - currently you're disillusioned and getting your wires crossed whilst you get your head straight. It wouldn't be healthy to head for pastures new- you don't state whether your friend is attracted to women either so possibly, if you did fess up then you could damage a friendship when right now you need support.

    It is horrible to be cheated on; part of it is the feeling that invested so much in to a relationship - you were open, honest and allowed yourself to be vulnerable and you've been cheated on. I can remember feeling empty after my own break up years ago when I had been through a lot and he just left me - I didn't 'feel' anyhting when actually I craved to feel something! Of course I realised I loved him a lot still but you may be just empty and numb for now whilst everything catches up with you.

    If you are attracted to a friend for this long, you can afford to let it brew. Don't assume it means anything about your sexuality. Being attracted to someone who is supportive is fairly natural I feel; I'm not denouncing the idea that you could be bi/gay but at the moment you are looking for support and that could come in the form of a friend. That friend seeing you vulnerable and protecting you is bound in someways to conjure feelings of adoration and security but right now, I wouldn't risk outing those feelings until you have a firmer idea of the consequences and how you feel about your recent break up. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wonder how much of you falling for a friend is to do with being close with each other? I think this is part of what happened with me. I've known my friend for just under 8 years now and about 4 years ago, started to have feelings for him. At this time, we were very close to each other.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, we were really really close... until about a yr and a half ago.
    Shes changed A lot.. but recently im staarting to see the girl i know again, and my feelings are rushing back.
    And even though i hardly ever see her at weekends anymore, or ever ring her... i still feel like this.
    At times ive felt really betrayed or hurt and even mad at her.. wishing i could just let go. But i cant.
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