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Freezing Sperm
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have a bit of a dilema which i am finding hard to talk about with my family or any of the team of people who are looking after me.
Some of you will know that i am transgender and at the moment going through the transition from m2f, in two to three months after a long long struggle i hope to be starting on drug and hormone therapy.
The problem is that my family want me to consider freezing sperm
for the future incase i want children.
Although i would really love to have children in the future i have accepted that this will not happen as i can not get my head around being a "father" it just seems alien to me, the fact that i can even produce sperm makes me feel awful.
I cant seem to get across to my family how distressing it is for me to even think about those parts of my body, i dont feel in anyway male at all and i just want to put these years behind me and move on without any reminders.
My mum in particular is worried that i will change my mind and regret not doing it, she has been very supportive of me and i can see it is upseting her but i can't think of how to make her understand.
This is getting harder and more complicated the further along i go.
Am i being selfish here, should i back down on this?
Some of you will know that i am transgender and at the moment going through the transition from m2f, in two to three months after a long long struggle i hope to be starting on drug and hormone therapy.
The problem is that my family want me to consider freezing sperm
for the future incase i want children.Although i would really love to have children in the future i have accepted that this will not happen as i can not get my head around being a "father" it just seems alien to me, the fact that i can even produce sperm makes me feel awful.
I cant seem to get across to my family how distressing it is for me to even think about those parts of my body, i dont feel in anyway male at all and i just want to put these years behind me and move on without any reminders.
My mum in particular is worried that i will change my mind and regret not doing it, she has been very supportive of me and i can see it is upseting her but i can't think of how to make her understand.
This is getting harder and more complicated the further along i go.
Am i being selfish here, should i back down on this?
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Comments
Its better to have that option and not need it, than to later on wish youd done it and it be too late x
No, i don't think you're being selfish.
Should you back down - in my opinion, yes. (if this is just about freezing some sperm)
You just don't know what the future may hold for you. 5, 10 maybe 20 years time you may well regret the fact that you can never have a bilogical child, all for the sake of making a spunkcicle
You don't need to get you head around being your babies father. Ok, i don't know the law etc and you may be on the certificate as the father but in every other respect you will be that child's mother.
A few minutes unpleasantness for you, would give you some security in the fact that the ability to have a child is there, well part of it
I can't remember much of you TG thread as i have the attention span of a fish finger, but are your family being supportive of your transition ? If they are, can't you do this one thing for them, especially your mother and you'd be doing something for yourself as well.
DO REALLY think about this. Once you've had the surgery that's it, no second chance.
I can understand where you are coming from, and children can be adopted, maybe you need to speak to your Mum to understand why she thinks it;s important. This could be as much about her desire to have biological grandchildren from you...
If it is distressing for you, something to try and think about is will it be more distressing producing a bit of sperm or will it be more distressing not doing it and then regretting it?
Also if you decided to freeze some, could you not think of sperm as "sperm" and think of it more as "half a baby making thing". If you don't label it as sperm does it make it easier to think about? (If that makes sense?!)
Ultimately though it's your decision. *hug*
If later down the line you want children, there are plenty more options. Personally, I think adoption is a great thing, there are so many kids out there who need someone to love them, and I know you'd be an amazing mum! I understand that some people feel differently about adopting, but I just think there are is no need to create more children when there are hundreds who need someone there for them, who need someone to help them through all the troubles in their life. They don't want to be in and out foster homes, they want someone to love them unconditionally!
It's a very hard question to ask at your age, and it's incredible that you're facing up to it.
I know for most of my trans friends the attributes of the physical sex they were born into feel very alien so I can completely see why you'd feel reluctant to consider it.
I've met the folks from Gires a couple of times, they're really good and might have some information.
Also, if you don't know them already you should check out the QYN's forums. They're another excellent source of support and you would have more access to peer advice on these issues. We do our best but we don't truly know what you're going through.
Good luck! If you want to be put in touch with any trans folk I know a few who'd be happy to talk (m2f, f2m and genderqueer) so feel free to PM and ask.
There arent in reality. Its incredibly difficult to be approved for adoption, even if you do tick all the boxes, pass all the psychological tests, etc etc.
If youre living an unconventional lifestyle or have serious issues in your past, you may as well not even bother thinking about it
I agree with this. Whether you provided the sperm or the egg is immaterial, really, you would be that child's parent, and even if biologically you were the father, in practice you would be their mum. I would urge you to seriously consider it, even if in the end you decide not to, because like Suzy says, imo it's better to have sperm frozen that you never use than not to do it, get 20 years down the line and wish desperately that you had.
Adoption is a nice idea, but in practice it's not as simple as you adopt a child and raise it as your own. Especially not these days. There are so many hoops to jump through, it's a long and painful process and some people don't get approved at all, for whatever reason. In addition, a lot of the kids up for adoption these days have a lot of problems. 30 years ago you had a lot of women who gave up their babies cause they were too young, or single, or struggled to cope, but these days the same women would probably have abortions, or they'd keep their babies cause there's a lot more support available and much less stigma about teenage/single mothers, so the pool of mentally and physically healthy babies is pretty small. They might have special needs, or have been taken from an abusive home, so they have lifelong issues. And I think the people who offer these babies with extra needs a home are amazing, amazing people, but realistically it's not for everyone. I don't think I could do it, tbh, I've seen it in practice in my family, and the results can be heartbreaking for all sides.
I'm not saying no one should adopt. Just that when you're considering your options, don't think 'well I can always adopt', cause it really isn't as cut and dried as that and you need to understand what you'd be getting yourself into.
Anyhoo, I hope you come to a decision that's right for you, Louise. I can't imagine it's a simple thing to try and get your head round *hug*
I would like to know whats involved in the process at least.
Some of your thoughts and opinions made me think i was maybe being a little short sighted and they have helped me look at this from a diffrent angle.
I am still not 100% that this is what i want at all and i do feel under a bit of pressure to agree just to keep others happy (mum) !!!
But as has been said in the past she and others have given me so much maybe i should just do this.
I guess i probably will in the end.