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How to invite a girl - social phobia
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello everybody,
just to begin with, I am suffering from social phobia and I am taking pills for depression and I have been undertaking CBT for over a year now. I have already been noticing some improvements but I am still not in the state I would like to be.
A more than a year ago I asked the girl sitting next to me at a lecture for her name because I really liked her and she began to talk with me which really surprised me. At the end of the conversation I asked her if she would like to have some tea with me and she answered that she could not because she was going somewhere with her boyfriend.
Since then she always smiled at me when she saw me but I was really horrified of talking to her. Last tuesday she happened to be standing right next to me before the lecture hall. She smiled at me and I asked her how she was. She told me that I can always sit with her and her friends at the lecture. Since then I accompanied her three times to the bus stop, once I asked her if she minded if I accompany her and she said that not at all that she would be happy. We talked and she let three buses pass. I was telling myself that she could have get in the first one if she didn't like me. Another time I asked her at a lecture if I can sit down next to her and she nicely answered: "Surely." Then during a break she was telling me something and blushed really cutely
So to sum it up. I have talked to her three times during the last week and that was after a year. I think she might like me. I like her a lot. Well, I like everybody who is kind with me since I dont get to talk to people alot. (it seems she is not with her boyfriend anymore) I would really like to invite her somewhere but I dont know where how, when. My mind is constantly filled with automatic thoughts - she hates you, nobody likes you, you're ugly, you're not interesting at all - well you can imagine what social phobia is about. After each social interaction I am so exhausted I have to go to sleep. What do I do?
I know it sounds like nothing new. But I am really affraid of people. I am always sick at school since there are too many of them. I am sick of myself too that I can't do what I would like to. I am still coping with my social phobia but this girl is so nice to me. But why would she want me if there are so many of other guys who are not that miserable as I am?
just to begin with, I am suffering from social phobia and I am taking pills for depression and I have been undertaking CBT for over a year now. I have already been noticing some improvements but I am still not in the state I would like to be.
A more than a year ago I asked the girl sitting next to me at a lecture for her name because I really liked her and she began to talk with me which really surprised me. At the end of the conversation I asked her if she would like to have some tea with me and she answered that she could not because she was going somewhere with her boyfriend.
Since then she always smiled at me when she saw me but I was really horrified of talking to her. Last tuesday she happened to be standing right next to me before the lecture hall. She smiled at me and I asked her how she was. She told me that I can always sit with her and her friends at the lecture. Since then I accompanied her three times to the bus stop, once I asked her if she minded if I accompany her and she said that not at all that she would be happy. We talked and she let three buses pass. I was telling myself that she could have get in the first one if she didn't like me. Another time I asked her at a lecture if I can sit down next to her and she nicely answered: "Surely." Then during a break she was telling me something and blushed really cutely
So to sum it up. I have talked to her three times during the last week and that was after a year. I think she might like me. I like her a lot. Well, I like everybody who is kind with me since I dont get to talk to people alot. (it seems she is not with her boyfriend anymore) I would really like to invite her somewhere but I dont know where how, when. My mind is constantly filled with automatic thoughts - she hates you, nobody likes you, you're ugly, you're not interesting at all - well you can imagine what social phobia is about. After each social interaction I am so exhausted I have to go to sleep. What do I do?
I know it sounds like nothing new. But I am really affraid of people. I am always sick at school since there are too many of them. I am sick of myself too that I can't do what I would like to. I am still coping with my social phobia but this girl is so nice to me. But why would she want me if there are so many of other guys who are not that miserable as I am?
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Comments
I guess I won't know anything unless I ask her out? But when should I do it? Is it ok after I have talked to her three times? Or should I approach her few more times and chat?
Naturally one would think, "hey, this is a bit too nice for just friendship. It could be 'signs'." Being someone who hates being in uncertainty I tried to expand it to more than friendship, which has not worked yet.
If you must know, I am in a bit of a similar situation with a girl. Just that I am a bit more confident in me, I know her a bit better and privately already, but I still have no idea what she wants off me. So I just meet her and talk to her and enjoy what I have with her and I will see where this brings me.
I just have this feeling she is just being friendly and you are overinterpreting those things. Just talk her up regularly, ask for her number sometime, meet her casually to do whatever and see if she becomes more concrete. But try to keep your expectations in check. I wouldn't give away your interest until she knows you better...
I guess the best thing to do is what you have said. I will try to talk to her although it is very hard for me. I'm still afraid she'll begin to hate me. All those obtrusive thoughts are coming to my mind. I've learnt some techniques how to cope with 'em but it's really hard.
But considering what you have said it seems that you can never know