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Sexuality/Looks/Older guys
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I didn't really know where to put this... but here goes....
I just really don't know who I am any more. I mean lets take the way I look.
I wear so much make up, and really? I don't think I can stop. Because I'm slightly addicted to it, I can't go out with out it. I absolutely hate the way I look. I desperately want to be pretty, and pretty for me is really skinny. But I don't want all the fuss I got last time I had anorexia, with hospital and everything, I just want to be allowed to not eat. And I know I look like a slag, but in a way I like it.
And, I'm really confused about my sexuality. I've always known I'm not straight.... but I've really started feeling stuff about girls
And I don't know if I like it. I don't want to be with a girl, but in PE and stuff I'll be thinking "oh she's fit" and I feel a bit weird about it. I'm not homophobic at all, I have a lot of gay friends, but if people found out they'd all think I was a freak. I mean, I told a few people before that I thought I was bi and they all said "Oh. You don't fancy me do you??" and got worried about that.
And then I thought I'd changed my ways in terms of older guys. But I'm slipping back into old habits of flirting with them etc. I think because I don't know them it's easier to just pretend they aren't real and go along with it, and in my head I quite like the idea of someone older. But I know that sooner or later one of them will want to meet up, and that's when bad things really do happen. :crying:
At the moment, all I really want to do is go out, get really drunk, sleep with a load of people and smoke a lot of fags. It might not help in the long run, but in the short term it'll make me feel better.
As soon as it seemed I was getting better I fucked all up again, and now I'm right back where I started.
I just really don't know who I am any more. I mean lets take the way I look.
I wear so much make up, and really? I don't think I can stop. Because I'm slightly addicted to it, I can't go out with out it. I absolutely hate the way I look. I desperately want to be pretty, and pretty for me is really skinny. But I don't want all the fuss I got last time I had anorexia, with hospital and everything, I just want to be allowed to not eat. And I know I look like a slag, but in a way I like it.
And, I'm really confused about my sexuality. I've always known I'm not straight.... but I've really started feeling stuff about girls
And I don't know if I like it. I don't want to be with a girl, but in PE and stuff I'll be thinking "oh she's fit" and I feel a bit weird about it. I'm not homophobic at all, I have a lot of gay friends, but if people found out they'd all think I was a freak. I mean, I told a few people before that I thought I was bi and they all said "Oh. You don't fancy me do you??" and got worried about that.And then I thought I'd changed my ways in terms of older guys. But I'm slipping back into old habits of flirting with them etc. I think because I don't know them it's easier to just pretend they aren't real and go along with it, and in my head I quite like the idea of someone older. But I know that sooner or later one of them will want to meet up, and that's when bad things really do happen. :crying:
At the moment, all I really want to do is go out, get really drunk, sleep with a load of people and smoke a lot of fags. It might not help in the long run, but in the short term it'll make me feel better.
As soon as it seemed I was getting better I fucked all up again, and now I'm right back where I started.
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Comments
Relax. It's normal. Try out the different things, see what fits. Just be safe. Don't drink so much that you can't remember who you are and where you are, don't smoke (it's not worth the expense and it doesn't make you thin), rubber up and remember that it's OK to say no.
Remember that it's cleavage or legs, not both, and that less makeup is more attractive. The number of men wanting to put their penis inside your vagina is not a mark of your value as a human being and married men are never a good idea. Beyond that, don't beat yourself up so much. Easier said than done, I know, but you're just a bairn and you're not expected to know who you are yet. That's the fun of being a teenager, finding out and making mistakes. Stay safe and enjoy the ride.
You seem to have quite a lot to get your head around here, I'm not surprised you feel confused! And if you say you thought things were getting better, i'm sure they are and all the work you've been doing will not have gone to waste at all, everyone has dips in how they feel.
You said you've beaten anorexia before so you obviously have a lot of strength, is there someone you can talk to who helped you through stuff last time? Lots of girls hate to leave the house without make-up, but if you feel it's more than that you could have a look at this section about self esteem and body image, it could help;
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/wellbeing/bodyimageandselfesteem
As Arctic Roll says, confusion about sexuality is TOTALLY normal for teenagers, and people of all ages! Although people may have reacted in that way initially you can just respond with expalining you don't fancy EVERY girl, that should shut them up :cool: And it's amazing you're aware of this and being so honest, there's lots of people who would hate to admit to this confusion and I can guarantee there's a lot more people in your boat.
In terms of the wanting to get drunk and sleep with people, you're aware that this might not be great for you in the long run, which is a mature way to see it. Many people feel this way after a hard break-up and if you can try and use some of the strength you used to get through how you felt last time then hopefully things will improve for you.
Hope that link helps, take care and keep posting
1-Your stunning, you don't need make up everyday, sure sometimes its nice to get made up but you don't need it to make you look good, you are that already, just look at the photos you put up the other day, you look amazing in them
2-So what if you find other girls attractive, its not wrong or dirty, its just part of who you are and if anyone says that its not normal just take alook around, whos to say whats normal, everyone is diffrent in alot of ways!
as for the rest I think everything I would say has already been said so I'll give you some more *hug**hug*
I was so happy with my boyfriend... and now I'm just back to where I was a few years ago.
I'm sick of being a teenager. It sucks.
You can be slim but still be healthy and I don't know about anyone else here but I prefer people who are average or a little stockier. I have a friend who weighed just over 6 stone when I met her and she always complains how fat she is but I look at her and think that I'll snap her if I hug her.
It's up to you if you want to smoke but having been there when my mum had a heart attack last year, you don't want to go that route.
As for the rest, I'm with Arctic and Curly. A bit of makeup can be nice but don't cake it on. I wish I'd been as pretty as you when I was your age. By all means enjoy a drink or several, I'm in no position to lecture you on that but ALWAYS watch your drink. I had my drink spiked at a gig last year and it was one of the worst things I've ever experienced. There's 14 hours that I have no memory of. I was lucky that I was with someone I trusted and nothing too bad happened. And the sex. I know a lot of people (me included) prefer it without a rubber but in honesty, is it worth the risk? Just look back at Rubberskin's World Aids Day post. I went through a phase of sleeping with my friends after a break up. It worked well for me but other people can be a bit snarky about it but if you stay safe then there's nothing wrong with having fun.
Being a teenager does suck in many respects but it could be a lot lot worse!
Also, yeah, its good that you realise that some things will be bad for you in the long term. Each time you find yourself tempted by older guys, uprotected sex, drink, fags, whatever, remember your past experiences and what could (and probably will) happen in the future, and find someway to distract yourself from them.
I know that with kids your age theres alot, alot, alot of peer pressure to do these things but really, a hard few teenage years are nowhere near as bad as how it could end up. I did a few things at school, but never went along with the crowd and did things i didnt want to because everyone else did it. Yes ok, i wasnt with the popular kids, i was bullied but i had a handful of good friends who i have still have today and i would rather that than have my life fucked up by drugs, STI's, teenage pregnancy etc
I'm just sort of having a battle with myself at the moment, if that makes sense? I'm not who I want to be at all.. and I can only change for so long before I slip back into old ways.
And I know it's all part of growing up etc. but I just don't like it at all. :grump:
I can do this rather well. For example, if someone called me fat (and well, I am 8,66 stone, so maybe not a good example), I KNOW that I am not, so the comment has no relevance to me, I know it is just made up to make me hurt with no actual background, so it doesn't hurt me. But you know what I mean. Be confident in who you are, because then nobody can hurt you.
Another example would be. Someone on here was down once, because some guy in a bar wanted to pull her and he tried all sorts of wooing her, but when she rejected him he called her "thunderthighs". Why is this ridiculous to me? Because he obviously wanted her, and his remark was cleary not honest, but because he wants to put her down for "degrading" him of his worth (because of being rejected).
I will say without a doubt that you have an unhealthy attitude towards your own body, because in the latest photos you posted you ARE - imho - in fact skinny (I gauge this always by stomach fat), but I know you won't listen. If you want to lose weight, do it savely, and not by not eating. It doesn't work. You will get hungry again, you will eat junk, and the painful not eating phase was for naught, because you gained all the weight back. But the picture you make of yourself will change over the years too. no question about that.
Well yea, about the sexuality. All I can say, "Whatever." If you want to be more with boys do it. If people are weirded out by it, just don't tell them. It's not like you are gay and you hate it
The older guys thing might be, because most 13 year olds have a dog dookie in their head instead of a brain, and because you started to gain relationship and sexual experiences far sooner you are more "advanced" in this topic. This doesn't change tho, that you are biologically 13 and that there are laws. So deal with it. Maybe find yourself some 16 year old or whatever, but defo stay out of the 20+ guys.
I won't berate you about your boyfriend issues... no wait, I will. I know you are looking for self-validation through someone else. As in, "If he loves me, it must mean i am worth something." It is not a good thing, many people, me included (to some degree) do it too, but just at least KNOW (even if you can't live by it), that it's bonkers to find your self-worth through someone else. I know the relationships with thirteen seem to be incredibly meaningful. People wanna run away together or marry in Las Vegas, or get matching self-mutilation scars. But believe me, people get out of ten years of marriages with kids and start anew. Having a boyfriend for two months doesn't equal to the loss of your life and that you will never find anyone else. For gods sake, Rob was a goddamn emo. He will grow out of it, and better yet, YOU will.
I know being alone a lot makes someone crave for companionship and therefore relationships, but I KNOW you have a lot of friends you just always say you don't. Hang out with them more and don't be focused on boyfriends so much.
You want to get drunk a lot, sleep with a lot of people and party a lot? YOU BEWITCHED HARLOT. No seriously, 80% of the teens want to. I wanted to and I did. Just never get lost and lose your goals out of your eyes. You know you have some. They seem to be more unrealistic at times, but I remember your dreams you told me about and the plans you thought through when you will do which A-levels and schools and advanced education.
You have come a long way since we first talked and it will be better and better.
You'd be surprised how hard it can be in that situation to know who will turn out to be a 'real friend'. I learned from experience that there is more to someone's reaction to how you relate to them at the moment, sadly.
Of my 'best friends', one told me that I had to change for PE in the toilets so I couldn't look at anyone, and another spent months writing me letters telling me to change so God didn't send me to hell :eek2:
But, B-A, I wouldn't say you need to think to hard about labels and the like at the moment. If you are able to relax a little about it and just observe your feelings and reactions as though they were perfectly normal (after all, they are!) you might find it easier to come to terms with them. If you are going to talk to someone about it, I would say that it's worth listening very carefully to how (or even if) they talk about gay / bi people when the subject comes up before you go for it.
for what it's worth, i feel that way too. i think finding contentment and satisfaction with who you are is something that will happen when the time is right, it's not something we can actively try to do.
Piccolo, I've told a couple of people before and I didn't think any of them were homophobic or anything.. but they still reacted weirdly. I mean I've had friends tell me before, I've even had my best friend tell me she thought she was in love with me, and I didn't react how they did! Maybe I'm just too nice!
And Strubbs, I've just picked my GCSE options... but I have NO idea at all what I want to do afterwards, what job I want etc. I don't even think I want to take the things I've picked now!
I'm too fickle. :grump:
I'm doing a degree and I still have no idea what I want to do. It's not unusual. When I was picking my options for 6th form and said I didn't know what to do - the response from the 6th form head was "neither do most people".
I'm 40 and I've been working for over 20 years yet I *still* don't know what I "really" want to do...
Joking aside, I've ended up doing what I do almost by default, I've just fallen into this line of work and being reasonable successful at it so far. I don't have a masterplan and I don't know what I want to do when I'm all grown up and a parent and in my mid-twen... Oh.
i've seen your photos and i think you are very pretty but i know you wont believe it, especially from a faceless person over t'internet. dont stress so much about the makeup thing, you are allowed at 13 to experiment with makeup even if you think it may be a little excessive at times.
my teen years were shite, i wish i knew what i know now. but i think the age bracket you fit into is particularly crap. tho it might not mean anything, at 13 years old i was a nervous wreck, i wish i was as ballsy as you at 13.
i know this sounds extremely patronising whatever way i say it but i think you have your head screwed on right, and you WILL find your feet. at 13 years old you are alowed to balls up, pick the wrong guy, over-do the foundation, not know what you want to do. ultimately it wont ruin your life. you will be okay :birthday:
:yes: more easily said than done...but really gets to the core of the issue.
I didn't know that you wanted to be a GP