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Marriage and weddings and houses
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So, have just spent the last couple of hours with my bfs uncle who i have always had respect for and he is quite knowledgable about alot of things. He has basically told us that the best thing we can do when i get a job is buy a house as soon as possible as it will only get harder as time goes on.
Its really made me think. Me and Bf had decided that as you need such a big deposit to get a house it was something that we werent really in a position to do so would carry on renting and do other things that were important to us, like going on holiday, getting married and starting a family - not that we think those are cheaper options, more that we wouldn't have to put life on hold whilst we save up the 10-20 k we would need to do the house buying thing.
If we do get engaged and start planning a wedding i think we are just going to come up for alot of stick for spending money on a wedding from people. Generally in our families it seems like weddings and marriage arent really deemed necessary for getting on with life and would just be a waste of money which could be spent on other things - my dad has actually told me that im too young to get married anyway(at 29!) so i think that there is going to be a far amount of disaproval coming at us. It is important to me though and something i want to do.
im interested to know what people think about weddings and marriage in the current day and age particularly in the context of current economic climate. what about owning property? lots over people i know have picked mortgages and living together over getting married. Those that i know that have got married have either had lots of spare money anyway or they were considering it from a religious point of view.
lol what a mixed up post, sorry guys, im just interested in other peoples perspectives.
Its really made me think. Me and Bf had decided that as you need such a big deposit to get a house it was something that we werent really in a position to do so would carry on renting and do other things that were important to us, like going on holiday, getting married and starting a family - not that we think those are cheaper options, more that we wouldn't have to put life on hold whilst we save up the 10-20 k we would need to do the house buying thing.
If we do get engaged and start planning a wedding i think we are just going to come up for alot of stick for spending money on a wedding from people. Generally in our families it seems like weddings and marriage arent really deemed necessary for getting on with life and would just be a waste of money which could be spent on other things - my dad has actually told me that im too young to get married anyway(at 29!) so i think that there is going to be a far amount of disaproval coming at us. It is important to me though and something i want to do.
im interested to know what people think about weddings and marriage in the current day and age particularly in the context of current economic climate. what about owning property? lots over people i know have picked mortgages and living together over getting married. Those that i know that have got married have either had lots of spare money anyway or they were considering it from a religious point of view.
lol what a mixed up post, sorry guys, im just interested in other peoples perspectives.
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Comments
As for whether it's necessary, my view is that only marriage can give you the financial security to raise a family. You acquire financial rights that you can't get any other way and that's important if you have kids. It's a legal commitment as well as an emotional commitment.
AR-i know it could be cheap, but the reality is in our particular circumstance it is unlikely to be unless we offend a hell of a lot of people. And i think it's more that ANY money would be spent on it when we have nothing really in terms of spare cash. I think alot of people would be of the opinion that we should get some savings behind us, sort out a pension for me etc rather than "wasting" money on a wedding, so even if we had a cheap wedding it would still probably have a slight disaproving element to it. i like your second point - i hadnt considered that side of things.
Slarti - no he didnt say why so i cant really add to that.
I think there is something to be said for getting yourself secure financially before marrying, it's better to go into marriage with some savings behind you definitely. But I think if your plans extend to children you'd be very sensible to get married before you get pregnant, to protect yourself financially should the worst ever happen. As so many women find to their cost when their partners die or dump them, there's no such thing as a "common law wife".
:yes:
do u mind talking about how you managed to do it for that?
In terms of the actual do, we were lucky in that the venue we had the reception at had recently developed into the wedding market so room hire was free. We just had to pay for the food and the ceilidh band, our guests had to buy their own alcoholic drinks (other than a glass of bubbly for the toasts). The Church cost about £250 including having the banns read.
We did marry in 2005 so inflation has taken a hold, but it can be done on the cheap side of things if you want it to be. Although having totted everything up now it was probably closer to £6000 including honeymoon. We were lucky in that our parents were able to assist with the cost.
We married before we owned a house, too, we were still in a rented flat when we got married. We didn't buy a house for another nine months and, again, we were lucky that our parents could assist with the deposit and we could get a 95% LTV mortgage.
I don't know how much it would have cost, but probably not a fortune and it was a lovely day.
:yes:
It's not their day, it's yours. We "upset" loads of people, including her parents who seemed to want to invite anyone they'd ever met.
As for house purchases, I suspect the Uncle is concerned about how the banking system is going and the fact that finacially things are getting hard. If anything, for me, that's a reason to delay a little. Let the financials settle a little until the bite has been felt and you really know what you can afford...
Our aunts/uncles = yes. Parents aunts & uncles = no. Our friends = yes, parents friends = no (unless we felt we really knew them well)... then close friends all day, loose friends reception only
For me, buying a house is more important than getting married, although id quite like to do that one day, just seems like a bit of a faff.
Ive had children without owning a house and without being married, and i can assure you I am no less commited to my partner than ANY of you married people.
I think my own thinking stems from the lack of happy ever afters in my childhood but everyone seemed really happy at weddings...i guess if you go into the whys and wherefores in some cases it can go quite deep. My sister is very anti weddings and marriage as she says she has never seen either one make people happy in the long term.
You know, that's one thing I would never say about cohabitation or marriage anymore. Certainly not for our generation.
I don't think it makes it any easier/harder as a relationship, but marriage does give you legal protection not available any other way.
getting married is just like spending thousands and thousands on a big party IMO. It would make absolutely no difference to my relationship.
Id like to do it eventually, and i agree about the legal protection, so its probably definitely one to do before i get too old, but ive been married before and divorced, and it never did much for me then, or kept my husband from leaving me, although it did get me some money out of the house, so not all bad
Same, and for us that included a free bar (on my dad's insistence) and paying for certain people's hotel rooms so we could easily have spent a couple of grand less. And still the only reason we spent so much was because we had help with money from both sides of the family. When I thought we were going it alone I planned out the whole day plus honeymoon for £2500. We had 75 day guests and over 100 at night.
We had very much a no-frills family wedding, but I had a brilliant day and at no point during or since did I wish we'd spent more. If you want to get married, then I wouldn't let cost be a big obstacle. It really is just one day, albeit an important one, and a cheap do can be just as lovely as one that requires remortgaging your house! I definitely don't think it's worth starting out your married life with epic debt.
You don't need to spend thousands on a wedding. My parents wedding cost them £100 in 1987.
My own wedding wasnt expensive and that was fine, but the only way we could get away with a cheap wedding really is to do it with noone there except us.
Both of us have done it before and been through a divorce and KNOW that marriage doesnt give any extra security. My mums been married and divorced 3 times, and is now cohabiting very very happily with her partner of 11 years with no desire to ever get married. My dad also isnt married to his long term partner of 15 years. Its just not a big deal in my family.
As i said, id like to do it one day, but really im quite happy plodding along. Been together nearly 6 years. Id like to maybe do it before the 10 year mark
But I do believe that if you start getting involved in owning houses, or having savings or life investments, then it becomes very important to have the legal protection of marriage. There are inheritance tax implications, pension implications and life insurance implications, as many of these things will often not pay out to partners unless you are married. It isn't romantic and it isn't why most people marry, but there are a lot of people out and about who thought they were protected if their partner falls under a bus and they weren't.
It is always good to see everyone's different viewpoints and as has been mentioned, there are some legal implications to consider when getting married and/or when living together - have a look at this article on UK marriage Laws as well as this article on Cohabitees and the Law.
For more of a future outlook, this article on what legally happens to children of unmarried parents can help.
At the end of the day you should go with what feels right for you and your partner - evidently your family will want their friends to come along, and if they add many to that list, why not suggest they chip in?