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Sexual Feedback!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I recently starting 'seeing' someone new. It is early days and we slept together for the the first time a few nights ago. I'm kind of freaked out now though. I really enjoyed myself but didn't reach orgasm. The guy knew this and has since asked me if he was rubbish, what I liked best etc I have never experienced anyone wanting this sort of feedback before. Well, nobody has explicity asked for it anyway. I don't know this guy well enough yet and want him to understand it isn't his fault, he was actually very good but it is me being nervous. I want to see him again but I think my 'failure to perform' has put him off slightly. He seems very insecure but I do really like him! What to do??

Anybody else been in a similar situation?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ohl312 wrote: »
    I recently starting 'seeing' someone new. It is early days and we slept together for the the first time a few nights ago. I'm kind of freaked out now though. I really enjoyed myself but didn't reach orgasm. The guy knew this and has since asked me if he was rubbish, what I liked best etc I have never experienced anyone wanting this sort of feedback before. Well, nobody has explicity asked for it anyway. I don't know this guy well enough yet and want him to understand it isn't his fault, he was actually very good but it is me being nervous. I want to see him again but I think my 'failure to perform' has put him off slightly. He seems very insecure but I do really like him! What to do??

    Anybody else been in a similar situation?

    What to do?

    Relax and stop worrying. You had sex with this guy, enjoyed it, and he's asking how he could do it better next time?

    There is no problem here. Emphasise you enjoyed it and give him the feedback he's asking for. That's it, non-problem solved.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He doesn't seem interested now, even though I told him I enjoyed myself. I've spoken to him a few times and the spark has gone. Don't know whether I knocked his confidence when I was honest or if he was just using me for sex all along. Or both!

    I'm starting to feel a bit like a fool. I should know in a few days exactly what is going on with him...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One of two things is happening here

    1) He was just using you for sex, and asked you for feedback so you'd say he was amazing and he'd get an ego boost

    2) His confidence has been knocked (even though its entirely normal for a woman to not reach orgasm, some men think we can do it like flicking a light switch) and is too insecure to get back in touch.

    If its the latter, then dont panic too much. Reassure him you enjoyed yourself and if there's a next time then you can tell him what works for you and guide him through it
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have no problem in giving him feedback I'd like another chance to guide him through it like you said. He did make a joke that he "owes me" too. That was yesterday though. Things have changed today. He seemed distant and not bothered when I was chatting to him.

    I don't know whether to wait for him to contact me now. I tried to get a conversation going earlier and he wasn't the same as usual. Could be 1000 explanations for this but I don't want to be a pest by messaging him all the time. I want to play it cool. He knows I have a job interview next week so maybe I should wait and see if he gets in contact to wish me luck or something? The reason to contact me is there, let's wait and see.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well dont panic too much, he's probably just having an off day today, like you said theres 1000 reasons why he's a bit distant.

    If you wanna play it cool give it a day or two and get in touch again.
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