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I cant do this anymore

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
I've never felt so like my username before. But thats all I feel, broken. Two weeks ago my boyfriend and I split up. He said I was perfect. He said he wasnt good enough and he couldnt love me anymore. It crushed me, it still does crush me. I'd do anything for him to realise he's perfect.
For the last two and a half years I have self harmed, mainly when I get too angry or stressed. It all started when a previous boyfriend became controlling and obsessive. It was my escape, to cut, to hurt, to get rid of the pain. When I finished with him I thought I'd be able to stop. But cutting myself became a 'habit' whenever I couldnt cope. I managed to control it, and only have a few bad scars now.
These last two weeks have been really tough, and I've lost control so many times. I've even cut myself on my chest, shoulders and upper arms. I've been so stupid :( . Last night I cut my leg really badly and I'm paying for it today. I dont know what to do anymore. I cant live like this. My parents would hate me if they found out. My friends are trying to be supportive but they know nothing about this side of me. They think I'm strong and can handle losing the only person in my life who made me happy. :crying:

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is there a minor injuries unit or walk in centre you can pop into today to get your leg looked at?

    You should also see your GP as soon as possible - call it an emergency on Monday morning if you have to.

    Your parents wouldn't need to know, although you might have to come up with an excuse for seeing the doctor. Your GP would be able to refer you for some other support and although everything takes time it really can get better.

    Good luck.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for your reply.
    My leg is fine. just swollen and sore.
    I cant go to the doctors as I have a phobia of them and my parents wouldnt buy an excuse. Im stuck in this.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    young_and_broken wrote: »
    I cant go to the doctors as I have a phobia of them and my parents wouldnt buy an excuse. Im stuck in this.
    What's the problem with doctors? Is there something like a Connexions service in your area that might be able to refer you to a counselor without seeing a doctor, or even the school nurse.

    The cut on your leg might need closing, which really you'd need to do today it's quite important.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm scared of doctors too. But when I was at uni I just felt so crap and people were beginning to notice something wasn't right so I had to go and speak to them. I'm not going to lie, it was very scary and I felt sick with nerves before hand. But the doctor was really nice about it (the second one I tried, the first wasn't so great) she was understanding and kind and put me at ease. It may help if you wrote a letter too incase you can't get the words out, they can then read that.

    I know it doesn't solve the problem about telling your parents where you are but I thought I would offer that bit of my experience.

    Thinking about it, could you say you were at a friends house? Not that i recommend lying of course..., but it may help here!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    young_and_broken wrote: »
    I've never felt so like my username before. But thats all I feel, broken. Two weeks ago my boyfriend and I split up. He said I was perfect. He said he wasnt good enough and he couldnt love me anymore. It crushed me, it still does crush me. I'd do anything for him to realise he's perfect.
    For the last two and a half years I have self harmed, mainly when I get too angry or stressed. It all started when a previous boyfriend became controlling and obsessive. It was my escape, to cut, to hurt, to get rid of the pain. When I finished with him I thought I'd be able to stop. But cutting myself became a 'habit' whenever I couldnt cope. I managed to control it, and only have a few bad scars now.
    These last two weeks have been really tough, and I've lost control so many times. I've even cut myself on my chest, shoulders and upper arms. I've been so stupid :( . Last night I cut my leg really badly and I'm paying for it today. I dont know what to do anymore. I cant live like this. My parents would hate me if they found out. My friends are trying to be supportive but they know nothing about this side of me. They think I'm strong and can handle losing the only person in my life who made me happy. :crying:
    Have you ever tried meditation? It might calm you and help make you more reflective. To use self harm as an escape is very dangerous indeed.
    Hope you feel better today.
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